In all my games, a visit to the graveyard always triggers the random encounter with the renfeld guys. But I've had the same problem: waiting for Meronia to summon Jaheira to the Harper Hold. I think the Meronia event has a real-time trigger, so doing things like "go to D'Arnise Keep - sleep-sleep-sleep, come back to Ahkatla, sleep-sleep-sleep" won't help.
Also, in all my games Meronia shows up AFTER doing the Montaron's quest. Always.
I know this won't help you in your actual game, but what I do is: I kick Jaheira out as soon as we leave Irenicus' Dungeon. Then I do some quests, like the Circus, Lehtinan, Slavers, Monty, etc, and after a LONG while I get Jaheira back in the party. Meronia appears immediately.
Anyway, try doing the Monty quest...
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