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Just last night, I was abducted by Aliens. This morning, some guys in black suits came and one of them told me to fill out this form and send it to the Pentagon:
ALIEN ABDUCTION REPORT
Name:
Time of Occurence: 04/05/2004 11:26PM
Location of Occurence:
What Victim Was Doing At Time: Sitting outside the Bunker not lighting firecrakcers and not intentionally sending them into my neighbour's house.
What Craft Looked Like: Giant Silver Disk with Purple Lights and a huge sticker on it that read "Engage in Random Acts of Kindess and Bomb the Hell out of Jupiter 2!"
What Crew Looked Like: Green Guys with big-ass heads and huge, beady black eyes!
Crew Armed: Yes
Crew Weapon of Choice: Baseball Bats
Did they jam anything into you?: No, they just invited me onto their craft for tea, OF COURSE THEY JAMMED SOMETHING IN ME!!!
What Object Did They Jam Into You: A FRIGGIN' METAL CONTRAPTION THE SIZE OF A TRUCK!!!
Where did they stick it?
_: Ears
_: Nose
_: Mouth
X: Ass
Do you suffer from anything as a result of the proceedure?: I fart laser beams that can cut stone like a knife through butter, I hear beeps and swoops from my ass, some times oil drips out my ass, I seem to crap scrap metal endlessly, the Arse-Cam from my Colonoscopy seems to be stuck up there.
Did you Enjoy your experience?: I've got scrap metal coming out the wazoo, I pass Lazers, my ass makes more noise than a computer modem, Bush is gonna be on my ass if any more oil comes out, and I've got a CAMERA up my *butt!* You tell me.
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