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I've recently compiled a list of the best quotes from a book I have called Foolish Words by Laura Ward. Most of them are pretty funny.
'You mean like a book?' - Justin Timberlake when asked what the best thing he'd read all year was.
'I would not live forever, because we should not live forecer, because if we were suupposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever' - Miss Alabama from the Miss USA Contest('94) when asked if you could live forever, would you and why.
'So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year' - Christina Augilera
'China is a big country inhabited by many Chinese' - Charles de Gaulle, former French President
'It's time for the human race to enter the solar system' - Dan Quayle speaking of a manned mission to mars
'I have determined that there is no market for talking pictures' - Thomas Edison, 1934
'Its like deja vu all over again' - Yogi Berra
'It is wonderful to be back here in the great state of Chicago!' - Dan Quayle
'I get to go to a lot of famous places like Canada.' - Britney Spears on the good bits of being famous
'The single most important 2 things we can do...' - Tony Blair
'Education is my top priority. However, education is not my top priority' - George W. Bush
'Its clearly a budget. Its got a lot of numbers in it' - George W. Bush
'No, I eat 3 square meals a day' - George W. Bush when asked if he was dyslexic
'The American peoples expectations are that we will fail. Our mission is to exceed their expectations' -George W. Bush
'For NASA, space is still a high priority' - Dan Quayle, 1990
'Were you present when your picture was being taken?' - Attorney's question to a witness.
'How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?' - Question to a witness in a courtroom
'The lead car is absolutely unique- except for the car behind, which is identical' - Murray Walker, motorsports commentator
'Interviewer: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?"
Chris Eubank (Boxer): "On what?"'
'It was the fasters-ever swim over that distance on American soil.' - Greg Phillips
'The Primate is the wife of the Prime Minister' - Schoolroom blunder, 1930's
'To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose' - From a science exam answer
'We don't think The Beatles will do anything in this market' - Jay Livingston, head of America's Capitol Records, 1964
'You are now going to hear the bum of the flightelbee' - Stuart Hibberd, radio announcer
'Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly' - Notice on a Batman Costume
'Optional Modem required' - Notice on a computor software package
'People can have the model T in any color....so long as its black' Henry Ford
'Dear Rich Bastard...' - Employee's choice of 'example addressee' field when setting up a template for letters destined for wealthy clients of a....large bank.
'Do not look into laser with remaining eye' - Warning notice on a laser-pointer device
'Gaeity is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union' - Josef Stalin, 1935
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