[Cerek the Barbaric]

Originally posted by VulcanRider: Hmmm, maybe, if we ask *real nice*, Cerek will share his Ben-Gay stories with us. He's told me a couple that made me laugh 'till I hurt...

Well, since you asked so nicely, V.R., how could I possibly refuse? (although I was already planning to share my uncle's story after reading Lord Kathans post.)

(for any members not familiar with Ben-Gay, it is an ointment used to soothe sore muscles. When applied, it generates a lot of heat. It's very similar to products like Tiger Balm etc.)

Story #1 - Shortly after high school, I began studying martial arts defense. One night I had to spar with the instructor. He took it easy on me (since I was newbie), but he still ended up planting a solid kick to the inside of my upper thigh (narrowly missing my "manhood"). When I got home, I was still aching from the kick and limping slightly. My mom asked what was wrong. I didn't want to tell her exactly what happened, so I just said I had "pulled a muscle". "Oh, well then put some Ben-Gay on it and that will take the soreness away." I've always trusted my mother's advice, but my common sense tried to throw up a red flag over this one. I blithely ignored it and applied the Ben Gay as advised. YEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! It was also close enough to the "most private of areas" so that the "heat" from the ointment extended there. I ended up in the bathroom sitting in a tub of very cold water...it didn't help. NOTHING relieves the burning sensation...you just have to wait it out. Which leads to Story #2..........

Story 2 - One year, my mom, dad, and I went on vacation to the beach with my uncle and aunt. We had a lot of fun and the trip was mainly uneventful until about 2 days before we came back home. My uncle was suffering from a bad case of hemorrhoids and was having to apply Preparation H (a medicinal ointment to relieve the burning and swelling caused by the hemorrhoids) at least twice a day. Late one afternoon, we were gettng ready to go out to eat. Mom, dad, and I were in one room and my aunt and uncle had a room a few doors away. Suddenly, we hear a loud knocking on our door. We open the door and my aunt literally falls into the room laughing hysterically. She was laughing SO hard that it actually took her several minutes to catch her breath long enough to tell us what had happened. She and my uncle were also getting ready to go out and my uncle had gone into the bathroom to apply a quick dose of Preparation H, but he grabbed the Ben Gay instead. My aunt said the last thing she heard from the bathroom was "OH S***, I'VE PUT BEN-GAY UP MY A$$!!!!"

We all fell into hysterics after hearing about that. Fortunately, we had "laughed ourselves out" by the time my uncle had recovered enough to actually join us. It must have been at least 45 minutes before the pain of his mistake wore off.

[ 11-19-2003, 08:48 AM: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ]