[Dragonshadow]

Monday's over, and it was s**t. Well, so far, noone's annoyed me, my WORST ENIMIES are both in my form, well two of three, the third I haven't heard from for years, she said she was glad my hamster died. And these two, they really hate me. If I had to say what animals they are, one of them really reminds me of a rat- and not a cute cuddly one. And before halfterm, I really flipped and called one of them something, I know I shouldn't have done, I'm always loosing my temper. And when they annoy me, there's nothing I can do. If I open my mouth, I'll yell at them and land myself in trouble, if I hit them, I'm not allowed to do that unless I'm defending myslef, and fi I shut up, I get annoyed even more and I'm more likely to explode at my firends.Sometimes I feel like I'm the worst tempered person in the world, I'm always loosing my temper at the slightest little thing, I have mood swings, and I feel like I'm responsible for the pain in my family. Yes, I get really unhappy and stressed. The other extreme is unbarably happy.
I also worry about something else: what if I'm going mad? It is a what if, but I do worry. I talk to myself, I have several violent thoughts a day... Half the people I know would probobly be happy if I was locked up in a mental home.
Plus I'm struggling to keep up with my school work. With the new system of five lessons per day being put in (apparantly) that's more homework, I can only just keep up! That leads to more stress.
I'm going to have my choices of subjects next year, and I know that I'm going to get lumbered with stuff I hate, and maybe flunk out of college. SOmetimes, I think that everyone wants me to be as good as my sister, but I'm not her. I'm totally different, I'm a freak, I admit it. I'm even past caring about my appearance and what people think of me.

I'm sorry, but I had to get that out of my system. I'll try not to ever say stuff like that again, but who else can I talk to? I trust you guys, I don't know if I can even talk to my parents or friends, the people at school would only poke their noses in, tell the teachers, and make thindgs worse, so thanks for putting up with me. *smiles* I know I'm an old stick in the mud.

Cheers
DS