[Arvon]

Dig It!
Jan and Rita heard that little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence, curious as to the cheeky-faced youngster's activities.
"What are you up to there?" he asked politely.
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up. "and I've just buried him."
"That's an awfully big hole for a little goldfish, isn't it?" asked the concerned neighbor.
As Nancy patted down the last heap of earth, she replied. 'That's because he's inside your cat."

Pop Quiz
Professor Steven Wright asks:
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's screwdriver? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread. When cheese gels its picture taken, what does it say? Why is a person who plays the piano call a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible, doesn't terrific mean to make terrible?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Roman paramedics refer to "IV's" as "4's"? Why isn't "ll"pronounced "Onety-one?" Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the* universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint, you will have to touch it to be sure? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny.'? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Turn in your papers now.

Speaking of Brothers...
Tom Tully tells us that now that Uday and Qusay are gone, the lesser-known family members are coming to the attention of American authorities. Among the brothers: Sooflay, the restaurateur; Guday, the half-Australian; Houray, the sports fanatic; Sayhay, the baseball player; Ojay, the stalker/murderer. Gulay, the entertainer; Ebay, the Internet czar; Biliray, the country music star; Eck-sray, the radiologist; Puray, the blender-factory owner; Regay, the half-Jamaican and Tupay, the one with bad
And the sisters:
Lattay, the coffee shop owner; Bufay, the hefty one; Dushay, the neat freak; Phayray, the zoo worker in the gorilla house; Ollay, the half-Mexican sister and Saphe-way, the grocery store owner.

Ireland: "Are you magically delicious or just angry and
drunk? This beer is black — did a leprechaun crap in it?"
France: "Can I get a side of Freedom fries with that?
Aren't the French just Germans who can make sauces?"
Italy: "Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers
like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-Os!"
Poland: "Do you hire foreigners to screw in your light
bulbs?"
Germany: "Is this bratwurst kosher?"
Korea: "Can you watch my puppy for a minute?"
China: "This wall isn't so great."
Sweden: "Got any normal meatballs? Want to hear a
dumb blonde joke?"
India: "You don't live in teepees? Where can I get a good
steak around here?"
America: "Was John Wayne really gay?"