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Harkoliar · 09-15-2003, 09:42 PM

brand new jokes in the email.. enjoy..

Final Exam
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."

The student looked incredulous and angry.

"Do you KNOW who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.

"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!''

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....''

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?''

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.'''

10 Ways To Get Thrown Out Of Chemistry Lab
Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."

Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."

When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

Deny the existence of chemicals.

Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid.

Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.
I Would Do Anything!
A professor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sexy-looking girl knocked on his door.

"Yes?" he replied, "How may I help you?"

The girl said "I need to talk to you about my grade in your class."

"Come in and have a seat," said the instructor.

"Is there anything I can do to get an "A" in your class?"

"What do you mean by *anything*," he replied.

She said "Anything!"

"Anything??"

She said, in her best sultry voice, "I mean ANYTHING."

The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, "Would you study?"

09-15-2003, 09:42 PM	#1
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 42 Posts: 5,556	brand new jokes in the email.. enjoy.. Final Exam It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you KNOW who I am?" "No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again. "No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room. Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate 10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.'' 9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern. 8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!'' 7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....'' 6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry. 2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?'' 1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.''' 10 Ways To Get Thrown Out Of Chemistry Lab Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?" Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK." Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again." When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!" Deny the existence of chemicals. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings. I Would Do Anything! A professor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sexy-looking girl knocked on his door. "Yes?" he replied, "How may I help you?" The girl said "I need to talk to you about my grade in your class." "Come in and have a seat," said the instructor. "Is there anything I can do to get an "A" in your class?" "What do you mean by anything," he replied. She said "Anything!" "Anything??" She said, in her best sultry voice, "I mean ANYTHING." The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, "Would you study?" __________________ Catch me if you can..