Answer: Your reaction was understandable but wrong.
To be the first to use violence in an argument is a sign of powerlessness.
I agree that his parents may have missed out on education on him but it is neither in your responsibility nor in your power to correct that on one occasion.
Why aren't parents giving their kids education anymore / Why are kids so badly educated?
These are some problems I face every day as my part-time job (I'm still a student) is to tutor high-school and junior-high kids in groups of up to six children.
I face children which are not paying attention disturbing the lessons and make fun of me. They won't respond to reason and if you yell at them (and I'm not talking temper outburst but controlled yelling to interrupt the situation and re-establish silence) they will laugh you in the face. This is especially irritating as I'm not the person to laugh at when I shout (I'm 190cms and 125kg with a voice louder than a gunshot). I even had 14-year olds seriously challenging me to a fight!
The only way I have to counter that is to make fun of them and/or ignore them and believe me it works. If you want to get along with an annoying kid today you have to act like a kid yourself on the outside but do it controlled and in a planned way as this is the advantage you have as the *wiser* adult. That way you CAN (and I'm not talking liberal psycho-babble) win them or at least their colleagues with their own logic and make them see things they did not up until now because they were overestimating themselves and never had any reasonable opposition.
To the education issue:
Basically parents do not spend enough time with their children mostly for career reason and then try to make it up to them by increasing their pocket money. Money is power though and the dangerous combination is that this way kids get more power and less education which is horrible as power and responsibility should go hand in hand with each other.
Also the "peace revolution" in the sixties aborted authority in education which is devastating as if you want to educate somebody at a lower age you have to be in a position where he/she accepts that you are the wiser one. Kids CAN go and learn everything by themselves through trial and error or just thinking it over seriously but it's a very hard way and some people are still not finished learning social behaviour in their 50ies.
Back to the violence issue. I do NOT approve of violence as an educational instrument. I was raised without a single slap and grew up to be a nice (some people think too nice) person I think.
When violence is used - if at all - however it is imperative that it is NOT a sudden reaction in a moment of anger but a controlled punishment. My brother always used to say: "If a father hits his child it is important that it hurts him equally psychically as it hurts the kid physically. The kid HAS TO know that his father hits him because he loves him."
You cannot educate a child without punishing him/her from time to time but you CAN think up sensible punishments like household work or even a nice "educational" talk (which can even be fun) during their favourite TV show.
I used to "punish" my nephew by giving him long speeches about "why he shouldn't have done that" and "how it effect him and his surroundings". Effect: He was bored (=punished) and listened only half the time but he got hold of something I said and grew in mind too.
So basically I want to say:
I know kids (even if they're already 21 like me
) can be a pest. If you're not educationally responsible for them just ignore them but take a (non-violent but strong) stand if they're harming you. If you are in any way responsible for their education remember that they CAN change if you act correctly and that this is one of the most wondrous things anyone can achieve.
[ 06-20-2003, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: Faceman ]