Joke World 8-27
 

East Dublin, Ga. (in July), and Athens, Texas (in August), sponsored their own versions of Redneck Games, with events such as mud-pit belly-flopping, seed-spitting and making armpit music (Georgia), as well as (in Texas) "red-neck horseshoes" (played with toilet seats), a Spam-and-jalapeno-eating contest, a mattress chuck, men bobbing for raw animal parts in tomato paste, and the ever-popular coed butt crack contest. Wrote the San Antonio Express-News: "There was something strangely arresting about watching 10 serious-faced guys grind away at pink bricks of Spam while Steppenwolf's 'Born to Be Wild' boomed from the loudspeakers." [WMAZ-TV (Mobile, Ala.), 7-7-07] [San Antonio Express-News, 8-6-07]

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

......... I'm scared.

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

Ahh yes, we have now reached the pinacle of civilisation...

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

Dear god.

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

With an added

*sigh*

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

Real Oldie:

I'll Kill Myself!

There were 3 construction workers working on a bridge. During lunch break the following happens:

The 1st guy says "Spaghetti!!! If I have Spaghetti one more time I'll jump off the bridge and kill myself."

The 2nd guy says "Salami!!! If I have Salami one more time I'll jump off the bridge and kill myself too."

The 3rd guy says "Turkey!!! If I have Turkey one more time I'll jump off the bridge and kill myself as well."

The next day...

The 1st guy opens his lunch box. "Oh nooooo! Spaghetti!!!!". So he jumps off the bridge and kills himself.

The 2nd guy opens his lunch box "Oh shit! Salami!!!!" and he too jumps off the bridge and kills himself.

The 3rd guy opens his lunch box "Aaaaaaaaarghhh Turkey!!!! and he also jumps off the bridge and kills himself.

Later the 1st guy's wife mourns, "If I would have known that he didn't like Spaghetti, I wouldn't have cooked it for him."

The 2nd guys Wife says crying, "If I would have known that he hated Salami, I wouldn't have given it to him."

The 3rd guys wife says eyes full tears, "I just don't get it, I just don't get it, he always packed his own lunch...."

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

Another Oldie:

Brain Food

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 apiece," says Morris.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

Another Oldie...

Live To Be 80

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbequed ribs?"

I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf/ sailing/ballooning/rock climbing?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?"

"No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a crap if you live to be 80?"

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

LOL! Too true.... good thing I've got computer gaming so I can still have a vice or two ;)

Re: Joke World 8-27
 

Internet Love

Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a more intimate correspondence.

After months of virtual kinky-ness, the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small cafe. Bunny arrived a little late.

One customer, a short, frail man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe. "Are you Bob?" asked Bunny. "Yes I am," said Bob.

"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me that you were tall, dark and handsome."

"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red. "You told me that you were skinny, blonde, and female."