Just two. Not extremely funny so if anyone has got anything better please post.

A human, an elf and a dwarf are adventuring and they reach a lake deep in the woods. The lakes (as many lakes happen to be) is magical. If you run and then jump into the lake and as you jump you shout something the lake becomes full of that.
So the dwarf goes first. He runs, jumps and as he is jumping he shouts "Ale" and the lake is full of ale.
After sometime after the dwarf got out it's the elf's turn. He runs, jumps and shouts "Wine" and the lake is full of wine.
So after the elf got out it's the human's turn. He runs, but as he's about to jump he trips and goes "oh, sh!t ".

***

Somewhere in the north Tempus organizes a contest to see who's the best warrior. After a lot of hard tests only three people reach the finals. A human, an elf and a dwarf. So tempus tells them: In the final you have to do three tasks
_Manage to run through a valley while being fired upon by barbarian archers.
_Shake hand with a big ferocious bear.
_Manage to have sex with a sly old barbarian woman.
The dwarf goes first but as he runs through the valley the arrows get him and he dies.
Next goes the elf. He manages to run through the valley. But as he enters the bear cage the bear kills him immediately.
The human goes then. He runs through the valley. He enters the bear cage. And as he is in, sounds of fighting and struggling can be heard by those outside. After some time the human goes out looking exhausted and shaken up and says: Right, so where is this barbarian woman whose hand I was supposed to shake?

[ 11-19-2004, 03:43 AM: Message edited by: ZFR ]

lol, those are great. ive got some somewhere.
Ill post them later though.

good stuff.. the first one is an imitation of another joke heh.. exactly the same but different names. [img]smile.gif[/img]

They're both imitations. The same could be told with just 'three men' the races don't contribute anything. Besides that I don't find the jokes very realmsy. The jokes themselves are good though.

Gee, so is the second one, now that you mention it, Harks. ;) [img]tongue.gif[/img]

A Dwarf runs into a camp of Orcs and makes a face, hollers, "You can't catch me!" and runs off. The Orcs chase him into a cave and the first three or four run in after him. There are sounds of battle, and the next group of Orcs come up to the cave, prepared to join the fun. One of the Orcs that went into the cave staggers out, battered and bloody.
"Stop, don't go in!" he shouts. "It's a trap. THERE ARE TWO OF THEM!"

[ 11-19-2004, 02:13 PM: Message edited by: Attalus ]

I heard Attalus's joke before, but with Marines instead of orcs and a Special Forces instead of dwarves.

an american, an australian and an irish man were traveling through a desert when their car broke down. they could only take one thing of what they needed to survive, so the australian takes the hat and says: this hat will protect me from the sun. the american takes the large flask water and says: this will keep me from getting thirsty.
the irish lad looks around for something and grabs the car door. the australian and the american look at him for a while and say: why the hec are you bringing that car door with you? its way too heavy!
The irish man replies: well if it gets too hot out there i can wind the window down!

Brother Drewfius and Brother Tyronius got into an argument over a difference in theological interpretation. They had never gotten along, and within a few minutes the argument had turned into a fight. They started out exchanging punches but soon they each had a weapon in hand. Just then, Brother Francis comes into the room and says "Brothers, stop this at once; this fight is pointless." "It better be," said Tyronius, "We're both Clerics."

I'm ashamed and humiliated that I find this funny... or that I get it at all.