> > A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
> > speak. > > > > After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. > > > > The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous > > > > on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I > > start to get nervous, I take a sip." > > > > So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. > > > > At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. > > He proceeded to talk up a storm. > > > > Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the > > following note on the door: > > > > 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. > > > > 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. > > > > 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. > > > > 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. > > > > 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. > > > > 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. > > > > 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, > > Junior and the spook. > > > > 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. > > > > 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, > > don't say he was stoned off his ass. > > > > 10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." > > > > > > 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take > > this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" . > > > > 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. > > > > 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub > > thanks for the grub, Yeah God. > > > > 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's > > not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. > > |
I've seen this before
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That's my kinda bible. :D
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That is Funny. :D
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Hahaha
i laughed out loud for once at a couple of those. That was really good. :D best ones were 7, 9 and 12 |
<font color=lime>Now THAT is funny!!! </font>
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I like my vodka mixed with white cranberry juice and a splash of rasberry liqueor.. mm.. that's good.
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