DAMN IT!

My slightly overweight sister has grown to the age of 12 - meaning that she will probably experience a living hell from her female classmates for the next few years.

What made me think of that is that today, I heard her having a long conversation with my father about a certain incident. Apparently, she had a misunderstanding, which caused a majority of her classmates to call her a lesbian. Such misunderstandings are easy to come by in *that* period.

As with me when I was having problems with some people at school, my father repeatedly advised her to use a wonderful 'shoe-stuck-up-her--' technique. I never really did use violence when I had trouble, but I like the idea(a slight lack of physical strength might be an issue). My sister opposed that - My sister said that when the 'bully' made fun of her, after some time of staying silent, she cracked and spouted a series of insulting words, which only made the bullying worse. That's what caused her to think that the best thing to do would be to stay silent, and patiently wait until that thing gets through with.

Having expirience with this, I disagree completely - In fact, I think one should do ANYTHING but wait in silence. The objective of the 'bully' is to enforce her popularity status and generally just for enjoyment, which can easily be caused by mentally harming another. By what I have seen, ignoring the 'bully's' words while still bearing the pain they bring is the strongest indicator of mental harm.


I believe that the best idea for the victim here is to try to say words that represent your not caring or joking on the situation. "Isn't this getting old?" "Don't you have anything better to do?" "I'm not listening to ya!" to name a few. Of course, you have to believe in that at least a bit, or have a very controlled tone to pull that off.

Hrm, I still remember the hate and disgust that I felt for my former personal 'bully.' I sometimes even thought of death - either mine or his, on several occasions. I was an idiot at the time, and got mentally hurt every day due to my stupidity on the matter. At least my sister was capable of telling the story to family - being very open-minded(In my case, my parents 'found out' something. To this day, I don't know what, and am not planning to ask any time soon, since the whole discussion is full of unpleasant memories). In my period of Inactivation, I planned to do a topic about myself and this. I most probably would've gotten very specific with what happened, but the times have changed for me. I now get along fine with my classmates, thank god.


What I'm asking is your thoughts on this matter and on bullying in general. This place being a forum(1) for roleplaying(2) computer(3) games, I have to admit that I believe there are many who have such memories ( [img]tongue.gif[/img] )


Thank you for your participation in this thread [img]smile.gif[/img]

Bullying aimed towards me has largely subsided for now, but I used to have a lot of problems in the past. Of course, I was very shy and usually stayed silent, fuming in my mind...but I never could work up the courage to stand up to them. Now I deal with them better, I think...I either simply laugh, as most who try to bully me are younger, or simply ignore them...

As I said, it's not really a problem anymore...but I think everyone has to deal with it at some point or another...

I feel for your sister...I hope her situation improves and I wish all the best!

<font color=lime>The bottom line is to not let the bully win. Ignoring the bully will work eventually, but you have to not just ignore them, but act like they are not even there and having no effect on you. If you show even a small sign of them getting in your head, they are winning.
I was bullied a lot as a young kid. I would either yell back at them, try to ignore them, tell an adult, etc. Nothing really worked untill the day I shocked everyone.
I will never forget his name. Sid Mccord. Or the look on his face when I, out of the blue, halled of and punched him square in the nose!
Violance is not always the answer, but it will usually get a "respected" response from your adversary. ;) </font>

I never had any troubles with bullies. I was lucku enough to have several friends to lean on. And of course my family has always supported me. I would suggest you do that too, give her tons and tons of support. I'm sure you alredy do. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Another way to deal with bullies would be to smile, or laugh a little, and shake ones head. You would be surprised at the effects this can have. ;) [img]smile.gif[/img]

Ignoring the bully won't work, they usually see it as an act of weakness. There's only one way to deal with it, and it ends straight on the nose.

Ignoring the bully won't work, they usually see it as an act of weakness. There's only one way to deal with it, and it ends straight on the nose. </font>[/QUOTE]<font color=lime>Yes, as I said, ignoring them takes effort. They have to feel ignored, insulted, etc. As with good old Sid, the "nose method" worked brilliantly to end the harrasment, and build my own self asteem. I never had a bully after that. ;) </font>

I don't get bullied, I mean my friends and I will tell jokes on each other but that's as close as it gets. I did get bullied back in my middle school years, but that was because I was new. No one else did it, just a little butterball and his buddy. I did try ignoring them, but they still bugged the hell out of me for the next year.

I think the bad thing about the bullies is that they have friends they'll talk to about you behind your back, and they tell their friends and word circulates rapidly and soils your name a bit. Eventually, it does start to ware down on your nerves, I know that as well as anyone. Then, there came that day where both of them wanted to act brave. I remember it very well too, I was in my general music class and one of them decided to hit me from behind, so I turned around and blooded his nose. The next day, the other one was in class and about 4 of his buddies were talking crap about me, saying "oh he won't do anything" and so on. I mean the entire class this went on, an hour of listening to that and I was so mad I couldn't see straight so when the bell rung, he walked right past me, so I got up and knocked him over one of the desks.

Needless to say, after that day, they decided to be buddy-buddy with me but I never talked to them much after that. I don't like admitting it, but resorting to fighting is the only way to gain respect to a certain degree.

[ 01-30-2004, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: Gangrell ]

Oooooh.... This is a difficult issue... All I can do is advise you to be there for your sister.

Sharp wit never hurts, either, when dealing with such people. Neither does insight into people. If she has neither, well... Actually, maybe she might consider enrolling in some sort of self-defense class? Not to fight, and *definately* not to parade it about (that invites trouble).. but to boost her confidence and perhaps get her weight down.
Please, think on it. It's a horrid part of life, to be sure, and perhaps the worst age.

I had my share growing up. Personally, I just decided to have a thick skin and to be as socially aggressive as a used car salesman, using "F-ck Em" as a personal motto. Suffice it to say I was much happier in college.

The problem is, if you've gone through it, you So want to help. But you can't. Sure, you could corner the little tough and make a diamond shaped imprint on his forehead with the words "Louisville Slugger" spelled backwards. But that's just not going to help the person going through it. About the best thing you can do, unless it reachs a point where you must call the school, is to be there for that person and keep the dialog going. Giving him/her someone that they can vent to and discuss this with will help them imensely.

I agree with WillowIX on this. Laugh it away and make them feel like the losers. Besides that, a bit self confidence doesn't hurt either. Bullies usually pick the weakest element in the group, make sure it isn't you. One would also be wise to listen to Johnny on this. Ignoring doesn't work. It only shows them that they're getting to you.