Ironworks Gaming Forum - A news Item (joke)

At New York's Kennedy airport the other day, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference. Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes
the man is a member of the noto-rious al-gebra movement. He is being charged
by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"AI-gebra is a fearsome cult." Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as
"unknowns." but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles use to say, there are three sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is internt on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we
must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line "
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex" Attorney General Ashcroft added "As our Great Leader would say. read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered, as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."