This is in anything; movies, books, the news, anything.

I've always liked "Sarah Connor?" from the terminator. With Arnie's accent, it's always made me laugh. :D

Last semester I actually had a professor at college called 'Mr. Livingstone.' He's in the geography department, and I'd scheduled to meet with him one day. So I was waiting in his room, looking around the walls at all the various interesting maps and diagrams, completely lost in the drawings, when he walks in and goes 'hi Alex, you wanted to see me?' and I literally jumped ten feet in the air because I was so absorbed in looking around. When I recovered, I couldn't resist saying 'Mr. Livingstone, I presume?' - he's probably heard it a million times, but I couldn't not say it. So my favourite quote has to be that one.

"I've a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it"

or

"I wouldn't join a club that would have me as a member"
-Groucho Marx, I think

"You sir, are drunk"
"And you, lady, are ugly, but tomorrow, I'll be sober"

"If I were your wife, I'd poison your coffe"
"And if I were your husband, I'd drink it"
-Winston Churchill

"Die? That's the last thing I'll do!"
-Oscar Wilde, I *think*

Escuse me if these quotes are slightly inaccurate, or if I've accredited the wrong person to them...they're good, nonetheless.

There's one I forgot to add. Whenever I have trouble with women in my life, I just think of Oscar Wilde's lovely statement: "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing." :D

How about, "Those who prefer safety to liberty will have neither liberty nor safety." -Benjamin Franklin

And Dr. Samuel Johnson's reaction to the publication of Chesterfield's Letters: "They teach the morals of a whore and the manners of a dancing instructor."

Dorothy Parker on a cocktail party: "One more drink, and I would have been under the host."

Oscar Wilde, "I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquiantances for their conversation, and my enemies for their intellect. One can never be too careful of one's enemies."

Winston Churchill on Field Marshal Montgomery: "In defeat, unmatchable; in victory, unbearable."

H.H. Munro (Saki): "The church mice were supposed to be poor. That was their function."

Wilde is of course an inexhaustible source of epigrams...
(Dorothy Parker has said some pretty funny things as well, Attalus [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] )

Some of my favourites, apart from the ones already mentioned, are:

-America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

-A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.

-The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

-Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

-Only the shallow know themselves.

-Questions are never indiscreet. Answers sometimes are.

-All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

-We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

-The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy.


Some Dorothy Parker quotes I like:

(for her own epitaph) Excuse my dust

At a cocktail party, when asked if she's Dorothy Parker: "Yes, do you mind?"

Men seldom make passes
at girls who wear glasses

[ 01-31-2003, 02:56 PM: Message edited by: Melusine ]

My all time favorite is --- BITE ME---

Great minds flow through the same gutter,

"Always remember Rule 1"

Clatu Nicto phrkmhtglrn ~~ Ash, Army of Darkness

Mel, my favorite story about Dorothy Parker is that she named her canary Onan, because "he spilled his seeed upon the floor." :D

I thought it went, "Those who would sacrifice liberty for safety deserve neither liberty or safety."