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-   -   English! (http://www.ironworksforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=81452)

Hayashi 09-24-2002 11:58 AM

Got this in the email, good for a chuckle at least. [img]smile.gif[/img]

There is no egg in the eggplant, ham in the hamburger, neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted.

But if we examine its paradoxes we find that quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?

If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race at all).

That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.

And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up this story ends?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are wise men and wise guys opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?

Horatio 09-24-2002 12:01 PM

Why aren't people from Holland called holes?

Sometimes they are, but with something added :D [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Wow, really makes you think. Well, okay, not ME personally, I avoid thinking at all costs, but to other people...wow.

Charean 09-24-2002 12:05 PM

And people wonder whys I don't speak english goodly. That should 'splain things.

realbinky 09-24-2002 12:13 PM

"If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? "
Yes it does, but the two words have diverged in meaning.

This is a great, funny topic.

English isn't 1 language, it's 3 (or more). Old English/German, Scandinavian (Viking, also Germanic) and French (Latin), due to various occupations of England. This is why we have words like royal, regal and kingly, which mean the same thing, but came from different roots. Check out http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/language.html, my source on this.

And http://newark.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Wr....html#latinate for the below.

Awesome lately means really good/cool, but its actual meaning is awe inspiring, as in fear-inducing or "terrible." If something is terribly good, it is awesomely good, or so good as to inspire awe.

And sh$$ means just that. So does fu$$. Its a derivative of an old english word that always meant that. Its not a

Jorath Calar 09-24-2002 12:34 PM

Why do the say "Blow your nose?"
It's physically impossible to blow your now.
You might get somebody else to blow your nose... but it would have to be a reeeeaaaallly good friend.

and Why do they say take a $#it?
You don't take a shit... you leave it... thats the whole idea.

:D

WillowIX 09-24-2002 12:56 PM

So since English is my mother tongue (another strang phrase :D ) I can say I´m multilingual then? :D :D

Absynthe 09-24-2002 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WillowIX:
So since English is my mother tongue (another strang phrase :D ) I can say I´m multilingual then? :D :D
Just remember that it's okay to speak of your mother tongue, but not to speak of tongueing your mother.
Sort of like publicly pricking your finger is acceptable...

Grojlach 09-24-2002 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Horatio:
Why aren't people from Holland called holes?

Sometimes they are, but with something added :D [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Good thing I'm not from Holland, but from another part of The Netherlands. And yes, there most definitely *is* a difference. Holland is merely a part of the Netherlands, strange to see how many people get that wrong. ;)

[ 09-24-2002, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: Grojlach ]

Archie_Bunker 09-24-2002 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hayashi:

We sometimes take English for granted.

Dis is OH SO true.

English is one of da most, what'cha call, edjumakated languages on the planet.....maybe even in da woirld, dere.

Just think, if it weren't for "English", we wouldn't have nothin' good to call all dose people from the Queen's country... [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

[ 09-24-2002, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: Archie_Bunker ]

johnny 09-24-2002 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Horatio:
Why aren't people from Holland called holes?

Sometimes they are, but with something added :D [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Wow, really makes you think. Well, okay, not ME personally, I avoid thinking at all costs, but to other people...wow.

Don't press your luck dude. :D


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