other people have it backwards

I eat at cafeterias
like old people.
my friends
eat fast food.

I drive a big, old,
safe, American car
with no car payments.
my friends drive racy,
new European cars
with major car payments.

I don't drink or smoke,
but all my friends do.

I never use credit cards
while all my friends
have huge debts.

I live my life
like an old person.
my friends live their lives
like young people.
when they get old
they'll live their lives
like old people.
not me.

when I'm old
I won't care what I eat.
in fact, I won't even
buy food unless it's full
of fat and preservatives.

I'm going to do drugs
every night.

I'm going to have
a million credit cards
and buy anything I want.
I'm going to charge
everything
because I'm not
going to be around
to pay the bills.
when creditors call me up
I'll say, "just give me
a little longer."

…and why do old people
drive so slow?
it doesn't make sense.
they don't have that
long to live,
they ought to be
jammin'!
when I'm 81
I'll make a U-turn
anywhere.
one way street,
screw it!
I'm going for it!
when I'm 90
I won't even have
brakes on my car!

when I get old
I'm going to give everyone
fruitcakes
and then stay
and watch them eat it.

I'm going to grab
women's breasts and say,
"thanks for helping me.
darn near fell
and broke my hip."

when kids
come to my door
on Halloween
I'm going to take their candy.

when Jehovah's Witnesses
ring my bell I'm going
to answer the door…naked.
I'm going to go
to their houses
and ring their bell.
when they answer the door
I'll be…naked.

when I get old,
on my walker,
I'll have a holster
with a big sawed off shotgun.
in the grocery store,
when other old people,
start pulling out coupons,
I'll say, "don't
make me use this!"

when I die,
my friends will come
to my funeral,
in their old cars.
in my eulogy,
they'll talk about
my backwards life,
and smile.
they'll pass by
my casket,
for one last good-bye,
and I'll…still be naked! :D lol

http://www.patrickhanifin.com/images...folk_color.gif

[ 07-06-2002, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: Megabot ]

hehe thats funny [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

[ 07-06-2002, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: Deathbringer ]

So true, so true...

LIFE

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough.
It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it?

A death.

What's that? A bonus?!!!!

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first. Get it out of
the way.

Then you go and live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too
healthy, and go collect your pension.

Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol. You party. And you get ready for high school.

You become a kid. You go to primary school. You play. You have no
responsibilities.

You become a little baby. You go back. You spend your last nine months
floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap.

Then you finish off as an orgasm!

Now we're talking!!!!!!