Just a few idle thoughts on dating dynamics and life in general. Dating is funny. Everyone says that there are no good men/women available. You hear endless complaints about it. Including from me! There are single people everywhere. What everyone really means is that there are no people that they are ATTRACTED to that are available. Everyone wants to "date up" in one way or another. It's instinctual. Don't be ashamed of the fact. For two people to really work, there has to be a measure of physical attraction and a good friendship too. Just one or the other is not enough by itself. It's a widely held false notion that women are less choosy than men. Untrue! They are certainly more discreet about things, but have even more criteria than men when it comes to who they date. True, they are a little less critical of looks, but they are critical in other areas most men don't even think about! A wise man once told me the secret to finding a great girl. Like all good advice, it's not easy. He said to take care of yourself first, and then find the girl of your dreams. In other words, get yourself to be the best you can be. You won't win any races unless you train for it. Number one, get your career and finances to a reasonably impressive level. You don't have to be rich. Just make a decent living, and be independant and stable with a decent car and abode. Number two, get physically fit to the best of your ability. Boy is this ever a tough one! And it gets tougher the older you get! It's probably the most valuable tip though! If you look good and are healthy, you'll do better. A weight bench and a bicycle are a fairly small investment though. The dietary habits are even harder than the exercise in my opinion! In this world of fast living and fast-food it's easy to get chubby! Don't forget to know how to dance just a little bit too. You don't have to be N'sync, but don't be scared to hit the floor with someone and move a little. Number three, get mentally prepared. Practice confidence and confidence building habits. Think positively, particularly about yourself. This can build confidence all by itself! Don't be scared to compliment yourself, even in front of others. Practice wit and conversation skills. Don't shy away from conversations, get involved. It's good practice. Stay abreast of current news and events. You don't have to know the gory details, but know enough to not look completely ignorant. Strangely enough, through all this self-improvement, you're supposed to just "be yourself"! LOL! Well, the point makes a lot of sense. If you won't invest in yourself, how can you expect someone else to? The nice thing about this self-improvement is that it will benefit you even if you don't find the girl of your dreams! Just my Monday morning contemplations!

[ 04-15-2002, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: Sir Kenyth ]

In other words, all the good (and shallow) women are only interested in money (car, house, job etc.) first, followed by looks and muscles?
Gawd streuth!
Yeah, yeah, and you have to dance? No-one told me that :rolleyes:

My stray thoughts - forget all that crap - go enjoy your life! If you had to go through all that to find a good woman, wouldn't you rather be single? Change this, change that, good grief! What happened to someone liking you for who you are?

Bah humbug.

LOL! Epona! What's wrong with self-improvement? I didn't say to do it JUST to find the girl of your dreams. It's good for you all the way around! It's not as hard as I thought it was when I first started either. I've only been more pro-active in my life for a little over a year now and I can already see the benefits! School, exercise, and confidence are making my life a better (albeit more busy) place to be! Not to mention, does it make someone shallow to want a financially secure life with a person they find attractive? No one said anything about hoarded riches or runway models. No one said anything about being a great dancer either. Although it sure doesn't hurt. Dancing has always been an integral part of courtship. Back to medeival times and before. No use trying to question a tradition that old, just deal with it you know. I don't particularly like dancing personaly. Big guys are a hazard on a crowded dance floor. ;)

Hear hear, Epona! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Enjoy your life and be who YOU are. Believe me, there will be someone for you. I break almost every single one of the things Sir Kenyth brought up; I'm an overweight, long-haired computer jockey with a modest income and who can't dance. I'm also happily married for five years and my wife and I are still very much in love with each other.

Now if you're lucking for a Yuppie, well then! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Cheers,

Hear hear, Epona! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Enjoy your life and be who YOU are. Believe me, there will be someone for you. I break almost every single one of the things Sir Kenyth brought up; I'm an overweight, long-haired computer jockey with a modest income and who can't dance. I'm also happily married for five years and my wife and I are still very much in love with each other.

Now if you're lucking for a Yuppie, well then! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Cheers,</font>[/QUOTE]Each to his own, eh Saz? I'm just on an "improve thyself" kick right now and was wondering if anyone else was too. Probably a sign of an early mid-life crisis! :D Maybe my past divorce has jaded me and my veiws are a bit idealistic. Who knows? Things seem to be going well right now though, so I'll keep it up for a while. Being better can't hurt can it? Not to mention, I have fun with the stuff like bike riding and weight lifting. My son is old enough that he can join me now.

Everyone has their own ideas on how to do it but I'd say I don't fit your criteria either Sir K. [img]smile.gif[/img]

I found Jim by sheer accident and on a msg board at that! I sometimes think it's incredible but there he is and soon he'll have moved across the country to be with me and I never took a dance lesson! ;) Well, except for those ethnic ones in college gym classes... I used to polka.. LOL [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Best of luck in your new endeavors, though, Sir K! I am in love and I love to see everyone else there! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] Guess it's just nice to think there IS someone out there for us all and in case you might be doubting it.. I'm 41 and had decided it wasn't meant to be... and now it's definitely happened! :D

[ 04-16-2002, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]

<font color="pink">IMO, there are two different types of 'dating':
First, theres the dating where you actually hold hands and all that, which is now called 'going out', so to say, if i ask a friend if hes going out with that girl, then theyre bf/gf.

The other type of dating, of which i am currently indulging in now, is going out(on the town) with somebody u kinda know, or dont really know, in an effort to get to know them better. Thats my plan anyway. Shawn and I have been together once, im hoping we can do something this Friday, and eventually im hoping hes gonna 'ask me out'(so that we'll be bf/gf). But there does not necissarily have to be a physical attraction right off the bat, that could come later :D . So there my little piece of phylosophy on dating.

Hey Cloudy wheres, the cafe??</font color="pink">

There's nothing wrong with self-improvement - but just bear in mind that not everyone sees the same 'improvements' as being valuable. You think security and working out are the key. My idea of self-improvement on the other hand, would be to go ahead and get a less secure job that I enjoy, even on less pay, enjoy my life, be happy, and learn to stop after 6 pints so I don't throw up :D

Tap?

Nothing wrong with what Sir K says, but I met and married a man based loosely on those criteria and boy did I regret it. I am now very happily married to a man whom I have to nag not to eat too much or spend too much money, and he's 20 years older than I am, and bald to boot, but we happen to be crazy in love and have been for eight years. So, Sir K, it's not all about that. True, he is a surgeon and we are comfortable, but I am a doctor, too, so we understand that part of each other better than a layperson.

[ 04-16-2002, 01:40 PM: Message edited by: Galadria ]