Ironworks Gaming Forum - The One and Only Gazza

Here are some of his other gems
1. One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny
Baker and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full
kit... boots included.

2. When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the
nurse he was Church Of England.

3. On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on
a workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily
pounded the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.

4. On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big-money
move to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman
that he reminded him of Bud Abbot!

5. Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of
augmenting team line-up with film of each player mouthing his own
name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead,
mouthing 'F***ing W***ker'.
The BBC had to use it all the way through the tournament.

6. Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate
Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.

7. Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for
England's upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "'Yes. F**k
off
Norway." Then ran off laughing.

8. Turned up for England training the morning after then-manager Bobby
Robson had called him "daft as a brush" with a floor brush sticking
out of his socks.

9. When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped
enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined GBP9000.

10. Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions.

11. After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent
flowers to the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly
Parton'.

12. Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in
London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The
bus driver let him, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's
impromptu performance.

13. Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones
after the infamous ball-squeezing incident.
Got a toilet brush in return.

14. Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he
knew to be a transvestite.

15. Has taken the piss out of refs constantly during his career. On
one occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding
his
hand high to signal a free kick.

16. Undeterred by their frosty reactions, Gazza again tried to prove
that refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee after
the
official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game. He was
booked
for his troubles.

17. Players have also suffered Gazza's spur-of-the-moment comedy
capers. He spent the whole of one game against Manchester City baiting
large-lugged City midfielder Paul Lake by pulling his own ears as
wide as possible at every opportunity.

18. As an apprentice desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss Jack
Charlton, spent a week's money on fishing gear and begged the famous
angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank, Charlton
promptly threw all but the rod out into the briny, then poured a
bottle of Newcastle Brown into the water, dipped in the rod and
within seconds was pulling out a whopper. Lesson over.

19. As 'perk' of boot-cleaning duties during his apprenticeship,
took Kevin Keegan's Golas home to show his mates. But left them on the
Newcastle Underground.

20. When playing for England against Belgium in Italia 90, ridiculed
Enzo Scifo as he lay on the ground clutching his leg. Gazza thought
he was play-acting, so did a mime of his own which involved hopping on
one leg with his tongue lolling out.

21. Turned up at a modelling assignment with former Spurs team-mate
Vinnie Samways and tried to take the poor lad's trousers off on
the catwalk.

22. Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia
90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing
the
legend 'Gazza'.

23. On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak
Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's
Swedish
Chef.

24. Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out
the filling and replaced it with cat shit.

25. Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen and ordered lunch wearing
nothing but his training socks.

26. Paid GBP20 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of
Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets
for local kiddies.

27. Woke fellow Ranger and best mate Ally McCoist for a game of
snooker in the middle of the night - because he couldn't sleep.

28. Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he
informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key
and knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled
housewife
that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she preferred
Daz or Omo.

29. Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground
and caused GBP10,000 worth of damage.

30. While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping teammate Richard Gough.

31. Handed GBP1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the
burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the
bridge of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.

32. Pulled England teammate Paul Ince's shorts down
during an open training session. Ince's arse ended up
all over the papers.

33. Took the piss out of his own 'crying game' in Italia 90 by doing
an ad for Walkers Crisps where he bawled after Gary Lineker stopped
him
nicking his crisps.

34. Stuck his tongue out when the TV cameras panned past him during
the national anthem at Italia 90.

35. Prepared for games during that hugely important tournament by
playing marathon games of tennis in the scorching noonday sun.
Then was still the best player on the pitch.

36. Thought it would be appropriate to wear a blue fright wig before
the 1991 FA Cup final.

37. In his time, has agreed to dress as a Roman centurion, a clown,
Oliver Hardy and Braveheart for 'photo opportunities'.

38. While his Italia 90 teammate was the hero of Hillsborough, marched
into a Sheffield barbers and demanded "a Waddle cut".

39. When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the
deal with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel
in
Hadley Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc.
Gazza met then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying,
"We'd
like to thank you for the best three days of our lives."

40. Asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests were
treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the duck
pond.

41. On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave his
minder the slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a
cupboard.
The minder thought he'd committed suicide.

42. Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with
a cheery "Happy Christmas, you f***ing w***ers".

43. Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence,
then
farting at ear-splitting volume.

44. Taught all his Lazio teammates to swear in English - and in a
Geordie accent.

45. Shredded England teammate Dennis Wise's Armani suit "for a laugh".

46. While staying at a Scottish hotel, drove across its golf course in
his four-wheel drive Jeep.

47. While reputation preceded him to Italy, the English language did
not. Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read: Gazza's
Boys,We Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer'.

48. Conversely, rival supporters once hailed him with a banner which
stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta'.>

49. Shook hands with virtually every member of the Genoa side after
being sent off while playing for Lazio.

50. While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon
for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and
there's
no bloody bacon!"

51.Left newcastle to sign for Tottenham.....No it wasn't all fun