A city boy, Morris, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old
farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The
next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The donkey died."

"Well, then, just give me my money back."

"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK, then. Just load the donkey."

"What ya gonna do with him?"

"I'm going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked, "What happened

with that dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 hundred tickets at two dollars apiece and
made a profit of $898."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

"An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin
your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;
forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man said.
"We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck
they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT
getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling
my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

"Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own
way."

I have heard the second one countless times, but the first one is pretty funny :D

Heh, heh. That last one was good [img]smile.gif[/img]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Grand-Ranger:
I have heard the second one countless times <hr></blockquote>

Oh well, can't win 'em all :D

LoL, Vaskez [img]smile.gif[/img]
The first story is nice, but second one is even better - such a funny ending, totally unexpected for me [img]smile.gif[/img]
And I never heard those stories before...

Good Stuff! Keep it coming :D

Warning blonde joke, Warning blonde joke, Warning blonde joke
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This blonde girl calls her boyfriend one day to see if he could help her with a jigsaw puzzle that she is having a lot of problems with. "What's it supposed to be?" the guy asks. "A tiger." the woman replies. The guy isn't doing anything anyway so he says "yeah sure I'll be right over." By the time he gets there she is so upset about not being able to figure out the puzzle that she is crying. The guy comes up behind her, lovingly puts his arms around her and says "It's okay sweetheart now put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

two drunk guys are in the bar, on the roof of a 60 story building. drunk one turns to drunk two and says, "you know, on a windy night like this, you can actually jump off of the building, and the wind will blow you BACK onto the roof!" drunk number two looks at him and says, "yeah, RIGHT, i'd like to see that!" so drunk number one says, "ok sucker, youre on!" he walks up the the side of the building, jumps off, the wind blows him around a bit, and before you know it, is back on the roof. well, drunk number two is awestruck by this, and says, "man, i've GOT to try that!" so he jumps off, and falls to his doom. drunk number one just laughs his ass off, and orders another drink. the bartender brings it to him, and says, "DAMN superman, you are an ASSHOLE when you're drunk!!!!"

hehe

I've posted this before but half of you probably didn't see it....

A blonde loses her job and is running out of cash so she decides that she will kidnap a kid and hold them for ransom to their parents. She goes to the local school and hides behind a tree near the playground. When none of the teachers are looking she runs out, grabs a little boy and takes him behind the tree. She writes a note: "I want $1 million in a bag behind the tree near the playground if you want to see your son again." She then sticks the note on the boy's back and tells him to go home. Next day, as she expected there is a bag full of cash by the tree with a note attached. It says: "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"