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-   -   My fictionpress story (Chapter 3 - Part 1 added on 21/11) (http://www.ironworksforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40265)

dplax 11-06-2004 06:35 PM

I have been thinking for a long time about writing my own story and basically I started today. I managed to write quite a lot and have gotten the prologue together. Basically it is going to be a sort of hybryd science-fiction/fantasy story, although science-fiction shall probably be more dominant.

What has been done so far:

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2 - Part 1
Chapter 2 - Part 2
Chapter 3 - Part 1

[ 11-21-2004, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: dplax ]

Bozos of Bones 11-06-2004 07:43 PM

Ruling so far. Eager for more!

RoSs_bg2_rox 11-06-2004 08:14 PM

Looking good, and I'm also ready for more, just one thing.

"It was a windy day and the nearness of the road to the desert showed it."

There is something about that, it just doesn't sound proper and fit in with your writing style, if I were you I would consider rephrasing it.

Maybe something like:
"it was a windy day and the closeness of the road and/with the desert showed it"

dplax 11-07-2004 05:29 AM

Thanks for the reviews. I'll change that structure then Ross.

dplax 11-07-2004 07:54 AM

Chapter 1 has been added! Thanks to Ross for proofreading it. It can be found here.

And a thank you also goes out to Bozos for helping with some of the technological stuff.

[ 11-07-2004, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: dplax ]

RoSs_bg2_rox 11-07-2004 08:19 AM

You're welcome from my part. I am eagerly awaiting chapter 2, and will be happy to proofread that too. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Bozos of Bones 11-07-2004 08:23 AM

Hey, I've already got all the thanks I need with blowing up Earth. :D
Just read CHapter 1. Still eager for more.

Xen 11-07-2004 01:13 PM

The story rocks dplax. [img]smile.gif[/img] I want more, more. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

dplax 11-07-2004 01:21 PM

What was your favourite part of the story so far everyone?

RoSs_bg2_rox 11-07-2004 01:41 PM

Well I loved the bit where there was the meeting between the mage's guild and the cultist guild represantant. It must have been the best bit there.

What do you think Xen? Bozos?


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