im having trouble controlling her :(
ive told her to not to try to use her charm in battle, but it seems like she randomly chooses to attack or use it

id really like to remove her ability to do this with shadowkeeper or some other method, but im not sure how to go about it.

That's the price of having a vamp with you. Weimer had to tone her down a little, she would be way too powerful (tho her attack is cheesy IMHO even now).