Ironworks Gaming Forum - Facing my greatest fear.

Facing my greatest fear.

All my life I have been afraid of heights, not the vertigo dizziness sort of fear or a mildly unsettled state of apprehension, but one of shear stone cold terror. Over the years I have faced this fear head on. Rock climbing, abseiling, flying and paragliding. Today I took on my greatest challenge, the Sydney Harbour Bridge climb. Those of you who do not share this level of fear may be amused or find difficult to comprehend why I have a need to defeat it. I’m not entirely sure that I understand the need to overcome this fear rather than just accept it. I do however, empathise with the musician Lemmy who espoused that his greatest fear was of fear itself.

No nerves to begin with, the check in for the climb went well with friendly instructions and training that lasted about half an hour. Devoid of all loose objects and dressed in grey overalls our team of eleven walked the fifty metres from the offices to the south side pylon entrance along the footpath taking a moment to gaze up at the dominating 70 year old structure. Right from the first attachment of our harness and the stepping out onto the narrow catwalk 30 feet above the tranquil picnickers in the park below, that familiar tightening of the stomach and queasiness began. Is it to late to back out? Submit to my fear forever? Not an option!

Deciding to go last in the group so as to minimize any problems we reached the beginning of the first major set of steps about the waters edge. The climb here was the easy bit. Enclosed by some of the massive iron structure of 52,800 tonnes. Our heads eventually popped up into full daylight at road/railway level. With cars and trains. passing by and making the bridge vibrate we began the exposed ‘real climb’

Breathing was becoming heavy now, not just from the exercise but also from the grey fog of fear that was beginning to settle over me. Walking up the many steps I concentrated on the steps rising in front of me. Occasionally we would stop and bracing myself I would look out at the cargo ships or ferries passing below. Stopping once more for the classic photo opportunity with the opera house in view I actually managed a forced smile. Having to wait just short of the summit for the previous group to finish was hard for me. Sweat began to pour, hands gripping the side rail and my breathing became even faster. A fellow climber made small talk with me knowing my fear and I must say he helped a great deal. Finally it was time to reach the summit. Stepping on to the narrow iron grating of the top was a case of one small step for mankind but the sum of my greatest fear. Just a thin grab rail either side, a 360 degree uninterrupted view, blue sky above, and looking through the holes of the grating was a 134 metre drop to the road below.

Torture! Each person before me stopped for a panoramic view and photo opportunity and I was forced to wait. Panic swept over me, sweating profusely breathing became hard, my legs became weak, nausea started and still I had to wait. Closing my eyes was not an option there was nothing to focus my eyes upon but the drop (view) even as I write this at my computer the fear returns and I am beginning to shake. Finally came my turn to walk from the eastern to the western side of the bridge. Forgetting the pictures the guide coached me along. 150ft, each tiny step worse than the last. Forget the image of a rope walkway across some Amazon forest river this was the tallest place to be, nothing above or around apart from ‘below’. Finally I was across and could begin the slow decent onto terra firma. Over 3 hours of hell for me came to a end, drenched in sweat, weak and shaking, The round of applause from my fellow climbers, who had witnessed the terror in my eyes, was a discharge of tension for me. The beers after were the sweetest I’ve tasted. I had faced my greatest fear and overcome!