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Reality Check: Either I have completely reverted to a rebellious 13 year old or my parents need a reality check.
Someone needs to step back and take a perspective look.

Now I am a 20 year old Uni student who is now on my summer holidays in a tiny village with no friends around. I don't go out at all, and spend all day revising subjects, surfing the net and playing a lot of tennis and badminton.
Because of the lack of excitment, I have started to go every Wednesday to an evening/night session of badminton. The club is only 5min away and I get driven there by our next door neighbour.

The row is based on what I regard as a verrryy simple matter:

I am not allowed to return later than 2230. It means a mere 2hrs which is not that much for a badminton enthusiast like me. In their defence, I play a lot every week already 6-8hrs.
But I am 20, and it's not like I am clubbing to 2am taking drugs and alcahol and driving. ;) I am going to the local badminton club once a week with our friendly neighbours. *rolleyes*
So apparently I have an attitude and am not allowed to go???!
Can you blame me for argueing my case?
I mean the quality of play there is alright... but I just wanted to meet more people...and play friendly games at the same time.
My parents say it's a waste of time playing agsinst "them" and that I should be getting to bed at 10pm!!!!

Umm, have I gone insane or is this ridiculous? I am afterall 20.

My parents are conservative but always have my interests at heart... they are understanding, reasonable, saving, both doctors/educated... reasonably rich if that's relevant.

Apparently it's fine if this was my night waiter shift and that often last till 4am. :s

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I am not qualified to deal with this situation, as I am in exactly the same situation, though slightly worse as I haven't seen anyone in 2 months since school ended, and I'm going a bit weird.
Seeing as we're on the subject of problems at home, two randy cats have sex on my garden wall every night, and I'm not happy about it. What should I do? I've tried putting oil on the wall, but the seems to stimulate them even more.


... help, help, oh please help.

Well, the problem is, whether we support you or not, it is their decision, as it is their house and as long as you are living there, you need to follow their rules. Perhaps you can get a part time job to pay for a place by yourself or with friends for the summer. The other option is to wait a while for things to cool down, then try talking to them. Maybe there's some compromise you can work out with them. Maybe they can let you stay out in exchange for extra work around the house. Maybe you can offer to carry a beeper (pager) or phone with you so that they can reach you if they want and so they know you can call them if you need.
Make it clear that you understand your concerns, don't argue with them, but instead ask if you can reach some type of compromise that you can both deal with. If not, well, you'll be back at school soon, so just deal with it for a few months and when you get back to school, see about work on or off campus for a few hours / week, save every penny, don't spend any of it, and then next summer you should have enough saved up for a place for a few months so that you can make your own rules.

your insane... when your just 20 you should be sleeping at 19.30 ! [img]tongue.gif[/img]
...
ok maybe not... anyway if they think you should go to bed at 10.00pm thats pretty wierd very wierd ... your 20 for gods sake ! its 9.45 pm when im writing this to you and im 14 years old and i think i have to go to bed around 11.45pm anyway talk to your paretns explain to them that your and adult ! [img]smile.gif[/img]
or just stay up and refuse to go to bed like a bad boy [img]tongue.gif[/img]

When I 20 I had to move back in woth my folks for a couple of months. My parents had a similiar requirement. Their reasoning was that my dad go up at 4:00am for work and coming home later would have awoken him, mainly due to the dog.

Just remember, their house, their rules. If it chafes so much get a place of your own [img]smile.gif[/img]

Now when they visit my house they follow my rules. Turnabout is fair play ;)

hmmm are you 20 i didnt catch it anyway just lay down the law like hey get off my ass

If your living there free of charge you havent got much of an arguement. Offer to pay them rent? Or move out.

Avatar,I have three kids all 21 or older and I'm fairly easy on them as they were all like yourself not getting into trouble or out getting loaded etc.But it's the old "my house my rules" you have to live with.If you don't like it look for an apartment!

I would ask them why they think it's a concern. If you have something that's happening early Thursday morning, they'd have some valid points. If you're chronically cranky on Thursday, same thing.

My own perspective: my kids are 6 and 3. When they approach 18 and beyond, I'll expect them to behave according to the rules of the house (not that I don't now), and will be more willing to discuss with them what those rules should be.

Perhaps you can offer a compromise to your folks. Is there a friend you could stay with on Wednesday nights so you don't have to bother your dad when you come home? That acknowledges their valid issues and concerns while giving you space as a growing adult.

As for the move-out option, that is always a possibility. Again, my own perspective is that as long as my kids are attending university, they are welcome to stay at home free of charge. Once they're out, it's time for them to step up to responsibility. Since you're still at Uni, in my house, you'd be able to stay free, setting your rules in moderation with mine, until you were ready to move out.

As a side note, my final move-out from home was not very pretty, and took place shortly before I took a job two hours away and had to move.

Try being a reasonable and responsible adult and see how they respond. You've got nothing to lose.

Good luck.

*B*
Minister, etc. (ret.)

That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Well I feel your pain. My parents tell me not to walk on the grass. and I'm always like "its grass, if not to walk on it, what is the purpose of it?" or "its grass, get over it." but then again maybe I am not the one to ask. I stopped listening to my parents at the age of 15, and I'm 22 now. I frequently go out to bars and what not until all hours of the night, sometimes not coming home for days at a time. its all part of the lifestyle. I think you parents are majorly uptight, to not let you go out past like 10:30 regardless of what you are doing. What are you like 12??? Are they going to impose a bed time on you next? personally I would just go, and if they were my parents and questioned me about it. I would tell them "i had to leave the womb sometime." but then again I am a smartarse.

edit: you could also take the logical approach. tell them parents impose rules to protect their children, because they feel that their children can't take care of themselves. Tell than that at the age of 18 you turned in an adult in the eyes of the law and the community at large. Ask them if they feel that you are not capable of taking care of yourself, or what the problem is that they would impose an assinine provision like this on you. assure them that you are more than capable of self preservation and that its not like you are out getting in trouble. Tell them that you respect that fact that they care, but that you feel this is completely unjustified. and further more ask them why they feel the need to impose on your physical fitness regime. Is it not good to work out and play badmitten? sometimes this approach will work as well ;)

[ 08-13-2003, 06:20 PM: Message edited by: AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe ]