Attn-Homeowners
 

Now that i have your attention I would like to take this time to educate you about your tools. Those spiffy ones you bought at Lowes or Home Depot. Please smash them and throw them away. While they work as you intend them for, what you do with them is most definitely not how the work is supposed to be done. Ok, thanks guys!

Re: Attn-Homeowners
 

Wait, hitting random people with shovels is not the "be all end all"? I'm listening.

Re: Attn-Homeowners
 

Your right, I found out the other day the snake-killer i got at home depot can also dig holes.

Re: Attn-Homeowners
 

Sorry, I had just looked at a house where the homeowner should have his tools smashed :P Tile (poorly done) living room and dining room. This is Colorado, not Florida. Bad tile in bathrooms, a storage "addition" attached to the house thats ready to fall down. And they just lapped shingles over the house shingles. It must leak like a sieve! Including into the house itself. The deck.....yea dont walk on it. Joist hangars are not to be installed with drywall screws.

Among the other recent idiotic things I've seen-

Fence put up with non-galvanized nails. He also re-sided his house with the same non-galvanized nails. And used a nailgun without a flush-nail attachment. Yea neither will last long.

Homeowner re-did bathroom upstairs , moving the door so it can only be accessed from the master bedroom. So guests either tromp through your bedroom or go to the basement.

I could go on more, you guys go smash your tools!

Re: Attn-Homeowners
 

If you saw some of the jimmy-rigging i've done you'd run a mile. Usually it is just to buy some time before something breaks. Now, I don't have decks that people might fall through, and have never just tossed new shingles atop bad ones lol, but fences with non-galvanic nails - been there done that. All I know is I need nails and anything I can find works. The back yard is a different story. Since I have dogs I hold my hands up and get it done professionally because I need a stellar job to keep those beasts in.

Re: Attn-Homeowners
 

Heh... I might have to raise my hand as guilty-as-charged :)

Just finishing up a basement remodelling job where I've been doing most of the work. Looking at the finished product, I do see a number of places where what I did shows as being a non-professional (is that a good way to say it? :) ).

However, there are three areas where I brought in professionals:

• Plumbing
• Electrical
• Carpeting

I know at least a few areas where I should just stay away... ;)

Re: Attn-Homeowners
 

You both consider yourselves scolded! BAD IW'ers! :)

Re: Attn-Homeowners
 

Tool Truths

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting your freshly-painted vintage car (or boat or airplane) which you had carefully parked in the corner of the shop (or hangar) where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, `Oh sh*t.'

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.

CRESCENT WRENCH: Used to prepare a bolt head for the application of pliers.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round-off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

ACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool, ten times harder than any known drill bit, that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future
use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect from the engine being removed.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt . It can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object you are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through cardboard shipping cartons delivered to your front door . Works particularly well on the contents of the carton such as seats, collector vinyl records, caustic/flammable/difficult to clean up liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing the work clothes of the person using the knife or anyone standing next to that person.

SNAP-RING Pliers: Special pliers used to propel snap-rings from the part that you are working on to the farthest, darkest, spider inhabited recesses of the garage.