It's Christmas time again...the whole family's in the living room...Grandpa and grandma are watching reruns of "Home Alone" with the grandchildren. Dad, and some random uncles are talking about THE game and who would win in a fight between Sasquatch and Mr T...they also seem to be holding a few beer cans...and there are some more scattered on the floor.

Mum is talking to her sisters about what she put in the stuffing...and THAT uncle is complaining about his heamorroids...again. As perfect as a perfect Christmas could be.

Suddenly...disaster strikes. A family member, presumably a cousin enters the room with ...Christmas Crackers. He/she distributes them amongst the occupants of the room. Grandpa Joe shares his with little Timmy, Mother with Aunt Mae, Soberly challenged Dad with Uncle Sam, etc.

A series of cracks are heard, as if nails were piercing the lid of a coffin...sealing it shut. There are polite and exaggerated cries of joy and despair as one person wins the cracker war, taking the spoils. Amongst the scattered remains they find a piece of paper, seemingly innocent enough...

Grandpa Joe goes first, reading his joke to Lil' Timmy...

"What's yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested Custard" Little Timmy stares out into open space...tears begin to well up in his eyes, he begins to cry.

Next is Soberly Challenged Dad...

"Where does Tarzan get his clothes?

At a Jungle Sale."

The uncle adjacent to him punches him in the face, and a fight begins amongst the littered beer cans.

Mother reads hers...

"What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite."

Aunt Mae goes berzerk and swings the Turkey by it's sole remaining leg at Mother's head, fortunately it misses....but the stuffing falls out of the turkey onto an adjacent candle knocking it over.

The room catches fire but the occupants don't notice.

The house burns down.

-cue Hollywood happy ending-

The occupants fortunately escape, out of an adjacent door which happened to lead out of the room, the only "victim" being Granpa Joe's false teeth. Their luck was amazing. But the harrowing emotional turmoil they endured that day was horrifying...that...of the CHRISTMAS CRACKER JOKE.

OK. Who write's these things and how do they sleep at night?

Are they like ancient jokes that have been passed down from generation from generation because they are so bad?

This thread applies to all bad jokes, not just those housed in Chrismtas Crackers.

Why isn't there a law against them?

[ 01-07-2005, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: Sigmar ]

You're certainly correct. And though a law perhaps should be applied, others would argue it would be very dfficult to make the decision between how good a joke is. Jokes in crackers are so often the same as the previous year and the year before that, and the... and even the first time, thet lack humour. Perhaps they should just remove jokes from crackers altogether or replace them with some of the puzzles that have been in this forum. :D That would be much better. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

"Ah, I win. Ok here's a riddle Grandpa Joe... A man walks up to you and says - "everything I say to you is a lie."
Is he telling you the truth or is he lying?"

"Wha?"

"...A man walks up to you and says - "everything I say to you is a lie."
Is he telling you the truth or is he lying?"

"Wha 'cha talking about?"

"A MAN WALKS UP TO YOU AND SAYS- "EVERYTHING I SAY TO YOU IS A LIE." IS HE TELLING YO..."

"What's that you say son, wait a mo', let me turn my hearing aid on...there, what you trying to tell me?"

---------

Blunderbuss, I could see that working. They SHOULD have riddles in crackers.

I'll pass this thread.

Yeah, stick to the bad ones Arvon. :D

indeed, this thread contains jokes of too high a quality for Arvon :D

Reading this make me miss Arvon's jokes. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

LoL, I don't even get why they're fighting

I don't think there's a reason. :D

Sorry Sigmar, bad news. Bad jokes come from people like you pasting this tuff into the forum. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Now, go find a really good one to atone for the bad one. ;)