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-   -   pull the trigger (http://www.ironworksforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=79281)

Stormymystic 11-29-2004 06:38 PM

this is a bit of a dark poem, but decided since it was getting so much attenion on DA to post it here and see what you guys think about...
<center> http://home.comcast.net/~lrmwiley/Trigger.jpg</center>

I placed the gun into my mouth,
pointed as high as I could.
I tried to pull the trigger,
but nothing worked as it should.
I heard this voice inside,
Deep inside my mind.
Have you lost your way girl?
Has hatred made you blind?
If you pull this trigger now,
Your life has been for not.
All those who have loved you,
Will reap the pain you Wrought.
There is life outside this door,
Love beyond your walls.
Why waste away you life,
trapped inside these halls?
Pull the trigger if you wish,
But see the children you will leave.
Your Friends and Family too, you see?
All of them whom shall grieve.

[ 11-29-2004, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Stormymystic ]

Spirits forever 11-29-2004 08:21 PM

um.. i think i said it in da, but it's good (like all ur poems) and also it goes well with the picture.. on da..

other than that. the subject is a very interesting one, even though, poems like these i would just put down calling kiddy poems (habbit forced in by english teacher....darn him...actually got to me [img]tongue.gif[/img] ) any ways this one is interesting in the fact that it's not just some ramblings of how life sucks and all. i like how you put the person in a sort of room and narrorate him through it, while explaining what's beyond.. very nice ^^

Stormymystic 11-30-2004 12:09 AM

umm, actually, you never posted anything on this in DA ;) and I am going to try not to take offense to the comment about it being a kiddy poem. just because something does not go inline with what someone considers poetry, does not make it childish.

Luvian 11-30-2004 02:26 AM

I think Spirits forever just meant that lots of young teens write poems like that because they broke up with their partner, or didn't get a gamecube for their birthday.

Nothing to do with your style, or even the poem itself. At least if I understood him right.

[ 11-30-2004, 02:41 AM: Message edited by: Luvian ]

Stormymystic 11-30-2004 02:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Luvian:
I think Spirits forever just meant that lots of young teens write poems like that because they broke up with they partner, or didn't get a gamecube for their birthday.

Nothing to do with your style, or even the poem itself. At least if I understood him right.

now that you say that, and I re-read it, it makes more sense :D my bad, sorry Spirits...now about you posting over there.. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Spirits forever 11-30-2004 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Stormymystic:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Luvian:
I think Spirits forever just meant that lots of young teens write poems like that because they broke up with they partner, or didn't get a gamecube for their birthday.

Nothing to do with your style, or even the poem itself. At least if I understood him right.

now that you say that, and I re-read it, it makes more sense :D my bad, sorry Spirits...now about you posting over there.. [img]tongue.gif[/img] </font>[/QUOTE]yeah luvian got exactly what i meant... sorry for the offense.. and i didn't post in da? weird..i was sure i did ~_~;;


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