several rules:
number 1: what I did before does not count, now matters
number 2: do what works, not what is right

well, I've been doing many right things in my life, and I am sick of it. now I want what works

two facts:
I want to be with her
I don't want to be treated like crap

I am not going to give up either one, any suggestions?

She's been ignoring me till now. Things are not going to get any better if I don't act. The problem is, to be treated properly doesn't neccessary require love. Respect is the key.

As long as there is respect, she will treat me well. I can wait and let love grow, as it does always take time.

What do I lose if I don't send her flowers?
She's testing my feelings, the longer I postpone, the more she will believe I don't care about her (yeah, rule number 1)

what do I lose if I send her flowers?
my self-respect? hardly, the point is to get her talk to me and in the mood to talk. that starts the first step of compromise. I have to give something in order to receive

what do I lose if I send her an accusing letter?
she is already in bad mood, because I SMOTHER her. probally she has NO IDEA I am pissed off because of she didn't show up on Saturday. she thinks I haven't sent her flower because I dont care about her, not because I am mad. this is the miscommunication part. if I tell her my true feelings now, the chances are, it will not fix anything. hardly tactful approach

what do I lose if I don't send her an accusing letter?
self-respect? no. I play patience to win. I hate to say this as a game, but she sets the rules, and I am here to exploit it. why cannot people just love and understand each other? grow up, Leo, now it is time to do what works and hold your emotions in check

Why do I prefer to stay with her?
because just feel happy when I am with her

What needs to change?
teach her to respect

now my ONLY question remains, how do I teach someone to respect me?
self-respect is my answer
so how do I make this thing work? I am still thinking

any suggestion would be welcome

thanks in advance for those who reply, I have to grab some dinner, brb in a while

HO-BOY! *shakes head, smacks self on head, falls backwards, and hits the floor*
<h2>THUD!</h2>

It is a dilemma

to me respect is once given once earned

*sighs* I'm stumped on that one http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/frown.gif

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I bow to Ziroc the grand master! I shall never mock Choc again!

it is OK, I am expecting your reaction

any other suggestions?

I want it, and I <font size='5'>WILL</font> get it

[This message has been edited by 250 (edited 11-01-2001).]

Two Fitty, its me again. Hi!!

You have so many profound questions. I cannot answer all of them. I know that you feel happy when you are with her. I can understand that completely. That is your perception right now. Things will change and how you perceive them will too.

I speak from a bit of experience in saying that she is not your world. You are your own person. You are an intelligent young fellow who is expending an huge amount of energy trying to get her to be your girlfriend.

Here is my opinion, and you can glean the things you like from the things you don't like:

If you want to give flowers, don't give it a second thought. Just do it.
If you need her to understand something, then go ahead and type it out first so you can edit it and it sounds logical. Then get the gist of what it is that you are trying to get her to understand. Then, its time for you to sit her down and let her know that once and for all, this is how you feel.
I'm not saying that you should read a speech to her, but it does seem necessary that she should understand what you feel.

Never, ever demand that she respect you. If she were patient and understanding, then she would know you and respect you. I think that you need her to recognize you as the one who loves and worships her.

You can encourage her, compliment her, and teach her about your role in the relationship, but the self respect is up to her. Its the same way I cannot teach you how to respect yourself.

Okay, I'll close this up now. If I've been helpful, then great. If this was nonsense to you, then you could just say that I was typing it up while intoxicated.


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Personally, I think all this analysis isn't going to help at all if you're not even communicating with her. Relationships don't respond to formulae; you need to address feelings first before you start rationalising anything.

To get her to talk to you, you can try calling her, asking her out or writing to her (not an accusing letter, that's shooting yourself in the foot). Ask her why she is mad and listen to what she says. Before you start blaming her, consider if she has a point. It will help if you ask for her to forgive your apparent lack of concern (if you seriously mean it)... when she has let off her steam, then you can hopefully bring forward your points. She would probably feel better that she's been listened to, and bother to listen to you.

At least, this is my opinion.

You said in your other thread that she said you are smothering her.
I know you said that does not count now but it does.
Back off a bit and let her figure out what it is she wants and then make her tell you so that you aren't always in the dark and left never knowing what to expect!
You are too good a person with too much to offer to be led around in circles.
If she doesn't want to listen, write her a letter...chicks dig letters and notes and tend to pay more attention to what is written than what is said where men are concerned. Someone feel free to correct me there if you think I am wrong.
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*hugs* 250
It is past my bedtime again so I won't be here long but will be back tomorrow sometime.

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[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 11-01-2001).]

Moni, you know what?
you are damn right.

what, all her problems dont make up a single excuse to treat me like that. I just loged on AIM, and I saw her. she told me "I am busy, OK?"

I was like, ok

Then I told her she is an idiot (not exactly the word)
basically, I said
"do you know who cares about you? THINK really hard, do you know what love means? I will see you tomorrow. I know you are busy, I am not upset with that. it is your attitude"

anyway, lets see what she respondes to that

thank you everyone

thx Hiram Sadei an Mystra, words of wisdom, thanks a lot

[This message has been edited by 250 (edited 11-02-2001).]