Nature is fair: if you are blind you get better hearing, if you are deaf you get better eyesight, if your left leg is shorter than your right, then your right leg is longer.

50% of young people are optimistic about the future. The other 50% don't have money for weed.

...God created man. Then he had a better idea!

I don't understand why the Jews and Palestinians can't all just sit down together and sort out their differences like good Christians.

We are pleased to announce that we have finished eating the last cannibal on Earth!

Processors are steam-powered - once the steam comes out of them, they no longer work.

I want to live forever. It's working so far...

I swear to God, I'm an atheist!

My computer can beat me at chess, but I usually win in kickboxing.

When I puke, I'm like a poet writing poetry: as time goes on it gets easier and comes from deeper down.

A computer program is something that converts data to error messages.

The essence of teamwork is that there's always someone else to blame.

I'm not afraid of sharks, only of the fact that they may want to bite me.

It's common for a fight to break out during a football match, but do football matches ever break out during a fight??

The fact that no one understands you, doesn't make you an artist.

I prefer to play chess with boxers and have boxing matches with chess players.

Every day, amnesia grants me the gift of new discovery.

If you've got a shark eating out of your hand, it'll probably grab a piece out of your leg too.

I almost bought the book titled "The pros of positive thinking", but then I thought, "bah, it'll probably be crap anyway!"

If and when I become a father, I'll buy a twin pram and tell the kid that he USED TO have a twin brother who didn't do as he was told...

Life is full of uncertainty. Let's just start with the dessert...

Sleeping makes me hungry. Eating makes me sleepy. Life is good...

I'm such a go-getter that my name should really be a verb.

[ 07-20-2004, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: Vaskez ]

i like some of them actually

Pretty funny stuff

Some good ones...

Just run across this one...

Catholic women can use science for birth control...They can use mathematics, they just can't use physics or chemistry.

Enjoying this one I am... hohoho

[img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] What a wonderful collection of smartass quotes. Funny. Very Funny. [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

Hahahaha, Wow, I havn't laoughed like that for a long time. Great [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Hmm, made sense to me. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

"If and when I become a father, I'll buy a twin pram and tell the kid that he USED TO have a twin brother who didn't do as he was told..."


LMAO at this one :D ... wish I'd thought of it [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

"50% of young people are optimistic about the future. The other 50% don't have money for weed.
"

:D