My husband and I winter in the southwest.
This year I invited a woman who has been my best friend since grade school to come with us. This woman is also one of our employees...she is my housekeeper in Ohio (however bringing here here to AZ this year is strictly for fun and she is really enjoying it!).
The thing is that tomorrow is my husband's birthday and we have planned our usual party with his AZ friends and business associates in attendance.
He's stressing now because his business associates (and some of his friends here) are outright snobs and he is asking me to "uninvite" my best friend to share our winter for "just this one night".
I'm blown away. He says he knows his friends are going to put her on the spot since she'll be a new face in the crowd and everyone has gone through their personal interrogations -a ritual they perform in order to determine people's social status within their own little circle. He says he doesn't want her to be embarassed (by her position as a housekeeper in Ohio) and that he doesn't want to be embarassed BY HER by having one of his domestics in attendance at his party.
SHE IS HIS FRIEND!!! We've been friends nearly all our lives and he has nver treated her with anything but kindness for as long as she has been working for us (one day a week for many years).
He wants me at his party. I'd rather take my friend out shopping in the malls and then out to one of my favorite restaurants while Steve's gang of snobs is at the house.
Suggestions?

[ 01-21-2005, 01:41 PM: Message edited by: Violet ]

I suggest the latter part, and go shopping, lol! That's what my mom always does, and they guys get a chance to talk about "women and their shopping." [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]
Good luck with all that, btw. [img]smile.gif[/img]

:( You know, if I were in that situation, I wouldn't know what to do either! The friends at the party are so stuck up they'd be rude to your best friend of many years? Whoa... well, how about this?

Take your friend out and get your hair and nails done and shop.... LOL, let your husband tell his snobby pals that you're off 'at an exclusive salon' having a 'treatment' or something. (pick some town out of the way so none of them knows it!) They may wonder why you aren't at the party at first but they'll probably all nod in 'understanding' of a woman of 'upper social circles' who needs her pampering in the fancy salons! LOL

Not slamming you, I don't even know you :D

But, I'd say you should maybe question why you'd be friends with people like that(the snobs I mean). Personally, I'd rather not associate with people like that.

If it's that much of a concern, it's probably worth discussing whether these "friends" are really friends or not...

Personally, I'd vote for the "join her for a girls' day/night out" option.

Hmmm... there is another option. You could talk with your friend and put together a good story that will make her fit right in. I'm not sure how old she is (nor am I asking [img]smile.gif[/img] ), but perhaps she's a widow who's husband helped her run her barbecued rib business until he suffered a stroke from counting so much money all the time... The stories you could make up are amazing.

LOL, I like Bungleau's idea, too! She could just be independently wealthy and travel around visiting friends now and then. :D

Sounds to me as if your husband is the problem. I've been to a lot of parties with really rich people, and they don't go out of their way to make others uncomfortable. I'd opt out as a clear message to your husband that he's got his priorities misplaced.

Thanks to you all for responding!
I am feeling better about my desire to be a no-show with every line I read lol.
I am just still steaming over hearing the words "one of my domestics" pass over my Steve's lips I think. I know he didn't mean it as a personal attack on my friend (Gwen) but as unable as he was to help it, that is how it came across.

I'm thanking the stars that not everyone at the party can be lumped into the "snob" category, it's just a select 4 or 5 out of about 32 so avoiding them would be possible however it would be tricky esp since Gwen is a real looker (you'd never peg her for "a domestic" LOL). Steve's right though. Those few would eat her for lunch and we are just too honest to lie about what she does if the question gets asked (and it will -by them- if she is at his party!). She shouldn't be put into a position where she should have to anyway esp since she has been a success in her own personal endeavors.

We can hardly uninvite the snobs either. This party has been going on every year for over ten years and there would be no getting out of having to give an explanation for not inviting the regulars ("oh sorry, we skipped your invitation this year because we have a domestic in attendance and we know you'd look down on her for her profession and on us for having her here because you, quite frankly, are outright snobs! You will still renew our contract this fall won't you?")

Ugh lol.

After all that has gone on at home today Gwen doesn't want to be at the party now anyway so she and I are going to make a day of being outcasts hee hee.

Shopping for new outfits and shoes, beauty treatments and hair-dos (or hair-don'ts depending on the outcome lol) while our new clothes are getting that new smell steamed out of them, dressing up, going out to dinner (reservations are made ha ha ha), and then showing up at the party doused in so much perfume that they'll smell us coming LOL and timing our entrances to coincide with when the worst of the snobs will be leaving. Steve has agreed to keep his cell on hand to help us with the timing. We promise to go easy on the perfume. Over doing it is just a threat (at this point ha ha ha)

This way, he gets me at his party, Gwen gets to meet and socialize with our nicer friends and the snobs miss out on two gorgeous babes (who smell like heaven LOL) without leaving under the impression that I was never there.

Sound OK?

Forum moving a bit slow right now. Will check in later for your opinions/further suggestions. We're pretty stoked about the plans though.

Can women over forty still use the word stoked? lol

Hmmm... sounds good to me. Where's the party at? This could be fun to watch.... :D

Who wants to hang out with snobs anyway ? Go out with your friend and get wasted. [img]smile.gif[/img]