Ironworks Gaming Forum - A Short Piece of Ficton by Me

I wrote this story in 7th grade for an assignment and just wanted your opinion on it. (BTW, I got a 4(A+)) http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif

Glass Boxes

The dying sun sent reflections dancing across the still waters that covered what had once been the most powerful of nations. The United States was six miles below the surface because of global warming, which had caused ice caps to melt and flood the earth, bit by bit. Suddenly, a lone glass box floated into the ribbon of sunlight - its cargo, just one old woman. She was the only Existant left alive who remembered the day Plan Glass Box was announced effective in the United States.
She had been just seven years old when her mother turned on the television in the living room to find every channel announcing the same thing.
“ATTENTION! All persons in Kansas, West Kansas, and Oklahoma must report to the ports nearest them immediately. Plan Glass Box is now effective in this area. Please remember, no pets are to be brought to the port.”
The girl was amazed when her single, strong-willed mother gasped and began to cry as she picked up the girl and jumped into their Hovermobile.
“Mommy, what’s the matter? Where are we going?” the girl cried.
“We’re going away.”
“But where, Mommy? When are we coming back?”
Her mother didn’t answer and continued to sob unrestrainedly. The girl decided they must be going on vacation and wondered why she wasn’t allowed to bring her pet tiger or at least her holographic dolls. Her mother pulled into the parking lot at Kansas City Port in Kansas City, Missouri. There was a long line of people stretching from a small building out into the street. The girl and her mother got into line behind their next-door neighbor.
“Oh, it’s so bad that it came to this, ain’t it darlin’?” the neighbor asked.
“Oh yes, yes. If only people had realized the danger before this. We thought ‘It couldn’t possibly affect us.’ How wrong we were. It isn’t so bad for all us old folks, but what about my baby?”
“Aw, she’ll be just dandy. She’s a smart lil’ thing, ain’t ya, honey sugar?”
“NEXT!” the guard at the door yelled.
“Well, that’s me, then I suppose. It was nice livin’ with y’all these years,” the neighbor said before trudging through the doors.
The girl and her mother were quiet, one questioning, the other sad.
“NEXT!”
“Now that’s you, baby. Goodbye…”
The guard shoved the mother away, grabbed the girl’s arm, and pulled her through the dreary, forbidding doorway. Inside was just one small room, which was very dimly lit. There were two people inside, a guard and a woman with a lab coat on. The woman came forward and beckoned the girl toward her.
“Now, dear, I’m going to give you a teensy, weensy shot, but you won’t cry, will you?’
The girl didn’t answer, but the woman took that for a yes. She gently turned the girl around and gave her an injection on the top of her behind. The girl felt a slight numbing sensation but it didn’t hurt, exactly. Then the woman showed her a small metal chip and carefully placed it under the skin behind her ear. Then she was lead outside and down to a dock.
“You see, you’re going to have to live in a different place for a little bit, all right? The metal chip will give your body food to survive, but you won’t need to use the bathroom. Then when you are old enough, you will have a baby and you must explain to him or her how we live. The metal chip will be embedded in their brain already, so all you must do is explain the way of life to your child.”
The girl tried to ask where she was going, but the woman brushed her aside hurriedly.
The memories of what followed were hazy. The old woman couldn’t remember what had happened next. When she woke up she was already in the glass box, floating on an open sea. She supposed she had been given...wait, she couldn’t remember what it was called. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember many names. But she knew her mother’s name, of course. It was...um, Jody. No, that wasn’t right. Perhaps Jo-Anne, or Joan. What was happening to her, why couldn’t she remember? She wanted to remember, it was her only memory of humans, except for her son. She clearly remembered the day he was born. The sun had been sinking, just like today, and she had been gazing across the water, trying to remember her mother.
She felt a cold numbing over her whole body, and wondered if she was about to die. Next an extreme tiredness had come on her. She must have drifted off to sleep, and when she woke up, a curly-haired baby boy was lying near her. His soft brown eyes were peaceful, strangely serene. He knew nothing of the world around him, or of the world she had once known as a little girl. She cared for him tenderly and explained that one day he would have to live in his own glass box.
Then, after thousands of suns had sunk across the waters, something strange happened. The child was a young man now, and he knew the way of life. On that day, a thin film of glass formed around his body. He could hardly move, and the mother knew it was his time to leave. The glass had gradually expanded, until it formed a box, large enough for three grown men to sit and stand comfortably. Just before the sun dipped below the horizon, the boy’s glass box had slid across the floor of the woman’s box and changed molecules, enabling it to remove itself and enter the outside world. As soon as it was outside, it disappeared from view, and the woman knew why she had never seen another Existant. All glass boxes were invisible to all the others, as well as the Existants inside.
Oh, why hadn’t she been allowed to keep him, the old woman thought. Why hadn’t her mother been permitted to keep her. She merely existed, just a living creature on the face of Earth. But it was no longer the Earth of her distant memories, it was a world without communication, and , she realized with a shock, it was a world without love. We who once called ourselves humans had changed into the animals we loved, yet scorned, even less than that, perhaps. Animals had ways of talking, ways of showing affection, and now, humans had none.
The old woman walked over to the edge of her glass box and stared at the little sticker on the edge of it. Existant U.S. 7,399,684, it said. This was what she was- no, what she had become. Once she had been an innocent girl growing up in Topeka, Kansas, with hopes and dreams for the future. The children who came after her had no hopes and nothing to live for, nothing but a simple glass box, and the pride of surviving. The woman felt it would give her more pride to jump into the ocean and die, than to live the miserable life she now had. In frustration, she beat her hands on the side of the box, sobbing, searching for a way out. She had no love, no hope, and no name but the number and country on her glass box. She no longer wanted to survive, she wanted to be free or die. But the sides of the glass box were unbreakable, and she slumped down in anger. As she did, the metal chip embedded behind her ear banged against the wall. It was her only chance to escape this world. She ripped furiously at the skin, ignoring the agony. But the chip was ingrained so deep that it was impossible to get out. The old woman was exhausted from venting her feelings, and lay down on the cold glass floor. She was tired and wanted to sleep, something she had not done since her child was born, but she was overcome with fatigue.
The sun’s last rays glanced over an old woman lying in a glass box. She drew in one last breath and then- no more. Her face was peaceful, for she finally had escaped from the glass box that held her prisoner for so many years. Slowly, the glass box around her shrunk, until it was merely a film coating her body. Then it slipped below a wave, the tomb of one old woman, and the memories of a better world.

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