No way, man. I ain't stupid.

I am a police officer in Halifax, Virginia.

I received a call one weekend to respond to a lover's quarrel gone horribly awry. We ended up arresting a guy for stabbing his girlfriend and his cousin (one person - his girlfriend was his cousin). When we got to the station, I read him Miranda and asked him if he understood his rights. He said he did.

Then I said, "Having these rights in mind, do you wish to make a statement about what happened?"

He confidently said," No way, man...I ain't stupid. I ain't making no statement...I mean, I DID STAB HER, but I ain't dumb enough to make a statement about it."

He was found guilty.

Van's advertisement helps police nab suspect

By David Conti

Pittsburgh TRIBUNE-REVIEW

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

Here's a case where advertising didn't pay.

Robert Peter Nelson III, a Washington County plumber accused of holding up two convenience stores and trying to rob a third, was arrested early Sunday as he got out of a van emblazoned with the name "Nelson Plumbing and Heating" and a phone number.

Allegheny County Assistant Police Superintendent James Morton said the robbery spree went down the drain when Nelson and the van matched the descriptions from witnesses at all three stores.

"He made it pretty easy to solve by advertising himself," Morton said.

Clairton police Officer Sean McGrail knew where the van was usually parked and arrested Nelson, 21, as he got out of the vehicle on Halcomb Street.

About 2:30 a.m. at the Shop 'n' Go in West Elizabeth, a man demanded the clerk open the cash register. When she refused, he grabbed the machine and left, the police affidavit states.

About two hours later, Clairton police responded to a call from a Uni-Mart on Carnegie Avenue. A man matching the description of the robber in West Elizabeth had said he was armed and demanded money, the affidavit states.

When the clerks refused to follow his orders, he left without money and without showing a gun, police said.

Another robbery occurred several minutes later at the Uni-Mart on nearby Miller Avenue. After the robber grabbed some cash and was driving away, police said, the store manager got a look at the van.

Police said they found a suspected crack pipe and $13 in Nelson's pockets, and the Shop 'n' Go cash register.

Nelson, of Monongahela, was charged with robbery, attempted robbery, criminal mischief and possession of drug paraphernalia. He was arraigned and jailed in lieu of $10,000 bond to await a preliminary hearing scheduled Jan. 29.