Ironworks Gaming Forum - interview with rethpian

Staring out the window of the film studio, Moiraine Sedai saw that the sun had sunk closer to the horizon.
"Where the hell is he? This is my first chat show and he's my first guest and he's already 38 minutes late!" Moiraine thought angrily as she looked at the notes scribbled on the sheet of paper currently sitting on her lap.
"OK folks, Rethpian is coming in now!" the Whiskah director called out.
A cheer arose from the live audience of assorted races: Lizzords, Gnomes, Pixies.... You name it.
Straightening out the crease in her robe for about the 100th time, Moiraine fixed her posture and smiled one of those false smiles as a grotty, buck-toothed dwarf wandered onto the set, waving at his numerous fans in the present crowd.
"Please, Rethpian. Have a seat" Moiraine said, gesturing towards the chair opposite hers.
"Oooh. Thankyou" Rethpian exclaimed as he settled comfortably into his seat.
"First of all, I want to welcome you to the very first episode of : Tonight Live with Moiraine Sedai. How have you been lately?" Moiraine questioned the ugly dwarf.
"Oh. Not bad, not bad. A bit hungry though....Have you seen any rats? I sure could go for a good piece of rat...Mmmmmmm...." Rethpian commented as he dazed off into thoughts about food.
"Uhhh....I'm sure we could manage to get you some rat food later. But now, my first question. What's it like being the all-important, all-powerful Keeper of the Crypt?"
"It's okay. I gets lonely though. And I get hungry cos I ates all the rats down there" Rethpian said sadly.
"Do you get many visitors?"
"Ohhh, me bruva Bilbump comes to visit me wiv a rat pie ev'ry now an' then. Oh, and there was some peoples who came a while ago wantin' to find some all powerful sword in th' crypt. They broughts a rat pie wiv'em so I showsed dem in the right direction. Nice fella's theys was..."
"I....See.... <Ahem> We are all eager to hear about your interest in pursuing a cooking career, perhaps as a tv chef. Do you have any plans regarding that?" Moiraine said staring intently at Rethpian.
"Well, at first I was planning on goin' on a cookin' show, just fer fun, ya understand?"
Moiraine nodded her head.
"But then I thought, why don't I have me own little show where I shows everybody how to make different rat meals: rat pies, rat croissants, rat pasta, rat cakes, and so on and so forth..." the dwarf trailed off.
"Well that sounds like a fantastic idea. I'm sure you'll be very successful. Just before you go, would you like to tell us all about your latest cook book, published by Pixie Printers Inc.?" Moiraine said, smiling oncemore.
"Oh, of course! I almost forgotted. It's called '100 ways to skin a rat, by Rethpian'.That's me!" Rethpian said proudly whilst brandishing a copy of the leatherbound book at the cameras.
"Wonderful. I terribly sorry Rethpian, but we've run out of time. Is there anything you'd like to say to end the show?" Moiraine said, standing to give the dwarf a farewell hug.
"Only dat I wouldn't mind a good piece of rat...." Rethpian said regretfully as he also stood.
The crowd erupted in laughter.
"Ha! You're quite the entertainer! Thanks a lot Rethpian, and see you again soon!" Moiraine called after him as he left the stage amids more cheers from the audience.
"That's all for this week folks. I hope you'll join me again next time when we meet up with Kerielle; a simple mill owner, or otherwise? Hope to see you then. Bye now!" Moiraine said as she waved to the ecstatic crowd and left the set herself.

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I hope you all found it amusing. Feedback is most welcome.

Cheers,

Moiraine Sedai