To all students, or those who were students and still remember, post your funny teacher quotes here. Please, do not post things you found on the internet but from your own experience; what really happened to you.
Here are three of mine. Happened on first year of studying computer engineering (doing 2nd year now). The first quote is translated from Polish. Other two were in English:

"Only half of you have done the homework while some three-quarters hasn't" (French teacher, female)
"You might think I'm blind but that doesn't mean I can't hear you talking" (Theory of Logic Circuits teacher, female)
"What I'm teaching is not funny so unless you have a very good reason to do so DON'T SMILE" (again TLC)

[ 11-12-2004, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: ZFR ]

"I must be like butter because I'm on a roll!"
"Put that thing back in your pants!"

Both are quotes from my favorite spanish teacher, although she is a bit odd.

"Yes, yes, I'm a health teacher and I got arrested for drunk driving." (True story from my male gym teacher)

"Never doubt me, I am the OG." (chem teacher)

"I can't believe him! Why can't he ever bring back my things? This is such bulls**t." (choir teacher, evidently she thought no one was around when she said that, but I was [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] )

"Oh I love Spongebob, I'd marry him if I could." (junior year female english teacher, not married)

I'll think of some more later :D

i've posted this before in the "funniest thing a phys ed teacher has ever said" thread, so this is an almost (spelling etc i just fixed) direct copy paste from there.
But it happened, and it was great!

We were sitting it the change room (boys only), and the two PE classes were merged, so we had a lot of people and 2 teachers.
And we had track pants, and these shorts underneath, some of us changed, that is took the track pants off.
Anyway some of the people in the class were being stupid and pulled their shorts up really high. The did this for a while, and mucked around etc, untill one of the teachers yells "Pull your pants down boys!!!"
....
there was like a 5 second silence, and everyone (including the other teacher) burst out laughing for almost an hour, it was great, we never forgave him, and teased him at every moment avaliable, even when he got married we teased him, i didn't like him so it worked out really great.

Now this is fun cause we have a little magazine of the school and there's lots of stuff in it [img]smile.gif[/img] Maybe I'll search some up there as well cause I don't remember funny stuff long.

Well except for one but I'm not sure if I'm translating it so that the funny thing is still in there:

I was pulling and pulling but nothing came out

For the Dutchies he said: ik zat maar te trekken en te trekken maar er kwam niks uit.

"I'm terrible with numbers." - Our maths teacher.

hahahahahahah
yeah it translates well :D

Those two are from high school and not really that funny but here goes:
By a physics teacher
"You can cut a potato with a metal knife but you cant cut a metal with a potato knife"
"Both of you 3, get out"

hahahahahahah
yeah it translates well :D </font>[/QUOTE]Great! I can't remember why he said it actually but it was something totally unrelated and he was wondering hard why everyone was laughing :D

Sweet.

Here's a collection of quotes from my Geometry teacher in Sophomore year... A few classmates and I recorded all the funny things he said. His name is Dr. Farshad Foroozan. Enjoy...

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"You have given me grief and miserability."

"This is the last day of Friday."

"Take the tissue box, go to bathroom, do your stuff, then come back!"

"Seabrook... you have done the grossest thing I have ever seen in my entire life."

"The happiest day of my life will be the last day of school."

"Every moment in this class is torture..."

"Hummer is bright kid... bright faced."

"You don't use reasoning for your reasoning..."

"What if he had a head of ice?"

"Hey Elliot, stop playing with that hand."

"Don't talk, your IQ is low."

"Come over here go over there!"

"One day I make fun of you, you'll see..."

"Hohman, put your nose on your chair!"

"Sometimes it is important for use a good grammar."

"Listen to the board!"

"He [Renny] needs the best psychologist in the world."

"Well you see, Geometry is like chicken soup..."

"A chickenrooster is what you call someone who does very well at something."

"Don't do that, because hand on mouth make a very disturbing noise."

"If I see anyone I give it a detention."

"I catch you in the action, you get a detention. That makes a good poem!"

"Put your pants on! It's falling!"

"If I see a word, I'm going to give a detention."

"Let's take this off and violate them."

"Never get a position that is responsible for human life, Brooks."

"Pay me attention!"

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And a few other amusing ones from other teachers...

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"And at the end the poet describes the ship and the iceberg as...having sex."

"Those rockets killed babies... I have arthritis!"

"You should all remember that you are the class that made me want to quit."

"Now who wants to freeze some fish and throw them around the oval?" - Science teacher in year 9

"Grow Dope: Plant a MAN!" - Year 12 Maths Teacher

"Promise me that you will never become an accountant" - My accounting teacher year 12