Well, I making a story, unfortunately for you guys and girls it's not about IW http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/uhoh2.gif On advice of Jerome, I posted it here, some of you can (maybe) enjoy it too this way.
I'd like to hear some comments wheter it good or bad. Just let me know (as long as you keep your comments friendly http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif )
I skipped the prologue, it needs some extra work.
Here goes :

Chapter 1 : The Journey begins


Mayla stood in one of the large halls of the castle. Boduka stood before her, giving her a short briefing. "You must be very aware, you can never let your guard down, now that we know that the Akomda's are set loose on the land." He spoke very nervously but went on "Certainly now that Irindu has probably allied with them." "yes master Boduka, but why are you so nervous about?" "Irindu was my tutor, I'm not sure if I tought you the same way he tought me, if so, he will see through your tactics, that's why you should figure out a backup plan for battle, else he should know when and how he should strike. You should most certainly make use of the new spells available to you." Boduka said with a grim warded face. "yes, that certainly is a good idea, I will take what I need ". Then Mayla headed off to the teleporter went to the Stables. When she arrived, Kardrat stood waiting, anxiously , together with Yessep. Their horses were already saddled. "At last, you are here, if you want to get to the High towers in time you should make haste for we had word that the magic council could only keep the portal open for about a month because of the increasing growth of evil" Karadrat said stern though kind. "Hello, ...Yessep wasn't it??" Mayla asked in a kind tone "Yes milady" Yessep answered. "Well, since you're going to travel with Kardrat and me, you may call me Mayla" "Then Kardrat stepped over to Mayla grabbing her arm. "Who decided that Yessep could travel with us ? Wasn't that training not enough for him to travel alone?" "What are you complaining about? The King has personally informed me about this. Jeholr said that one of his visions revealed that Yessep played a major role in the search of Irindu


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There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard
(Necromancer)
http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac/.../BlackLich.gif http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac

*clap*

Thats Good, Keep It Going!

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[move] http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/MON13.gif [/move]

Free Your Soul... Then Give It To Me

The Clan HADB Cleric Of Sephiroth + Jenova

Well thanks Beaumanoir, it's kinda bummer nobody else gives comment http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/frown.gif

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There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard
(Necromancer)
http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac/.../BlackLich.gif http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac

[This message has been edited by Mirac Honorguard (edited 09-25-2001).]

Im not an expert so the only things i can say is paragraph it since when someone speaks it is generally meant to go on a new line i think. And also you should try and put some more descriptive words in there like what they are doing when they are talking like wringing their hands together nervously kind of thing. Other than that greathttp://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif

And just remember that getting replies to stories is usually hard and takes awhile.

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http://www.asnsoup.com/Azurewolf%20copy.jpg
"I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."

Thanks for the comment, I'll keep it in mind as I try to finish the story http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no.../xyxthumbs.gif

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There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard
(Necromancer)
http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac/.../BlackLich.gif http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac
Fellow Table Dancer of the Jerome's Table dancer group

Sounds like a good start to your story Mirac! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif Maybe next edition could you describe some of the people and creatures so we know what/who they are? I'm interested to know!! Keep going!! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif

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http://www.angelfire.com/rpg/stealthy/KungFuGal.gif http://exit3.i-55.com/~casual/Ladyzeke/Ladyzekke.gif

Yes, very good start my dear. Keep going!

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http://sc.communities.msn.com/tn/02/...sSite/2/4a.jpg http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif
The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c)

Owner/operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan.
Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force
Mage extraordinair.
Occasional subjugate to Gwhanos the Fluffy

Hopeless Romantic *sigh*

"Allright! We'll call it a draw."

Very good! Maybe sometime I'll get the courage to post a story here too...

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http://faceweb-004.facelink.com/edit...72/4711972.jpg http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif

Kazara

Sapphire Dragoness of ALSB
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe

Please do! I'd like to read it for a start, and every comment i've seen on all us who posted stories threads have been supportive and helpful.

In conclusion....POST IT DAMMIT! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gifhttp://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif

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http://www.animfactory.com/animation...s/j_md_clr.gif http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif

Within the jungle of my deepest emotion,
With a coat resplendant in a golden sheen,
Swiftly hunting my tender love,
Stalks the regal, Feline Queen

Yes, Kaz. You've already posted a very intriguing poem (which I am still pondering). Post your story! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif

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http://sc.communities.msn.com/tn/02/...sSite/2/4a.jpg http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif
The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c)

Owner/operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan.
Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force
Mage extraordinair.
Occasional minion to Gwhanos the Fluffy

Hopeless Romantic *sigh*

"Allright! We'll call it a draw."