My girlfriend, having finally sobered up and found her eyeglasses, has given me the ye olde boot. I am therefore going over my semi-sordid past and realize one of my many faults is that I have never had a smooth line to pique a lady's curiosity to the point she forgets I am an overweight, out of shape, middle aged twit.

I am relying on you, dear people, to give me examples of what to, and not to say, to strange women (believe me, they have to be mighty strange to let me say anything before reaching for their pepper spray). I would find feminine advice most helpful (But don't say, "Be yourself." Methinks that may be why I am currently unattached!)

Try read the tale of Black Knight and Cloudbringer, many a fancy line in there.
Otherwise I can't help, still looking myself.

The one Armie said in... I think that was Moiraine's post.. it was a good poem!

IR: Be yourself! Sorry, but I couldn't resist. I'm the last one to be giving you advice, being unattached myself, but what the heck! I can at least try and tell you what NOT to say.

Don't ask her her 'sign'. Don't tell her she reminds you of somebody else (reeeeeal put off). Don't use Charlie's now famous "brace yourself, girl" line. ;D (sorry, Charlie!) Don't ask her to the monster truck rally or any other such 'entertainment' including but not limited to : the Budweiser all you can drink night at Moes bar and grill; sheep shearing day at the rodeo; any sports event (unless you KNOW she likes it). Also, never ask a newly met lady to 'come up and see your ant farm/weasel collection/stamps/coins or any other collection. Try not to stare at her cleavage while you do talk to her too, unless you LIKE pepper spray. (big chuckle)

Yah.. and dont be a wimp, be yourself... and have you ever heard that 'women crack up even to the corniest jokes'? As long as it comes from our side... there is some difference.. and it has worked for me.

Well here some of my best pick-up lines and I hope they work as well for you as they do for me-
1)How much for the table dance?
2)Hi! So...what escort agency do you work for?
3)Hey! Didnt I just see you down at the free clinic?
4)Werent you on that "Farm Girl" website?
Well now your fully equipped with some shite-hot pick-up lines that are guarenteed to get a nice reaction with the ladies. And remember, Captain Condom says "Wrap that Rascal!"

IdiotRogue, i have but two pieces the frist is flattery, but not to much. The second is, that your best lines, are wasted if she isn't interested.
Oh a third always be sincere.

The key to a successful long term relationship is understanding and honesty. You have to be honesty in order for her to understand you, same goes around. Just be yourself, people like you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

(sign.....must have learned this from Jerry Springer.....)

Here are some, erm cough 'useful' lines:

'Didn't we gome to different schools together?'

Could you lend me quarter, I'm gonna call mom and let her know I found the woman of my dreams!'

Wanna go home and f*ck and eat pizza, or maybe you dont like pizza...'

Where have you been all my life?


I'm not telling you to use these, in fact they'd probably help you more if you didnt use them!

(lotta help there)

oops, that first one was

didn't we GO to different schools together
sorry