My husband and I winter in the southwest.
This year I invited a woman who has been my best friend since grade school to come with us. This woman is also one of our employees...she is my housekeeper in Ohio (however bringing here here to AZ this year is strictly for fun and she is really enjoying it!).
The thing is that tomorrow is my husband's birthday and we have planned our usual party with his AZ friends and business associates in attendance.
He's stressing now because his business associates (and some of his friends here) are outright snobs and he is asking me to "uninvite" my best friend to share our winter for "just this one night".
I'm blown away. He says he knows his friends are going to put her on the spot since she'll be a new face in the crowd and everyone has gone through their personal interrogations -a ritual they perform in order to determine people's social status within their own little circle. He says he doesn't want her to be embarassed (by her position as a housekeeper in Ohio) and that he doesn't want to be embarassed BY HER by having one of his domestics in attendance at his party.
SHE IS HIS FRIEND!!! We've been friends nearly all our lives and he has nver treated her with anything but kindness for as long as she has been working for us (one day a week for many years).
He wants me at his party. I'd rather take my friend out shopping in the malls and then out to one of my favorite restaurants while Steve's gang of snobs is at the house.
Suggestions?

[ 01-21-2005, 01:41 PM: Message edited by: Violet ]

I suggest the latter part, and go shopping, lol! That's what my mom always does, and they guys get a chance to talk about "women and their shopping." [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]
Good luck with all that, btw. [img]smile.gif[/img]

:( You know, if I were in that situation, I wouldn't know what to do either! The friends at the party are so stuck up they'd be rude to your best friend of many years? Whoa... well, how about this?

Take your friend out and get your hair and nails done and shop.... LOL, let your husband tell his snobby pals that you're off 'at an exclusive salon' having a 'treatment' or something. (pick some town out of the way so none of them knows it!) They may wonder why you aren't at the party at first but they'll probably all nod in 'understanding' of a woman of 'upper social circles' who needs her pampering in the fancy salons! LOL

Not slamming you, I don't even know you :D

But, I'd say you should maybe question why you'd be friends with people like that(the snobs I mean). Personally, I'd rather not associate with people like that.

If it's that much of a concern, it's probably worth discussing whether these "friends" are really friends or not...

Personally, I'd vote for the "join her for a girls' day/night out" option.

Hmmm... there is another option. You could talk with your friend and put together a good story that will make her fit right in. I'm not sure how old she is (nor am I asking [img]smile.gif[/img] ), but perhaps she's a widow who's husband helped her run her barbecued rib business until he suffered a stroke from counting so much money all the time... The stories you could make up are amazing.

LOL, I like Bungleau's idea, too! She could just be independently wealthy and travel around visiting friends now and then. :D

Sounds to me as if your husband is the problem. I've been to a lot of parties with really rich people, and they don't go out of their way to make others uncomfortable. I'd opt out as a clear message to your husband that he's got his priorities misplaced.

Thanks to you all for responding!
I am feeling better about my desire to be a no-show with every line I read lol.
I am just still steaming over hearing the words "one of my domestics" pass over my Steve's lips I think. I know he didn't mean it as a personal attack on my friend (Gwen) but as unable as he was to help it, that is how it came across.

I'm thanking the stars that not everyone at the party can be lumped into the "snob" category, it's just a select 4 or 5 out of about 32 so avoiding them would be possible however it would be tricky esp since Gwen is a real looker (you'd never peg her for "a domestic" LOL). Steve's right though. Those few would eat her for lunch and we are just too honest to lie about what she does if the question gets asked (and it will -by them- if she is at his party!). She shouldn't be put into a position where she should have to anyway esp since she has been a success in her own personal endeavors.

We can hardly uninvite the snobs either. This party has been going on every year for over ten years and there would be no getting out of having to give an explanation for not inviting the regulars ("oh sorry, we skipped your invitation this year because we have a domestic in attendance and we know you'd look down on her for her profession and on us for having her here because you, quite frankly, are outright snobs! You will still renew our contract this fall won't you?")

Ugh lol.

After all that has gone on at home today Gwen doesn't want to be at the party now anyway so she and I are going to make a day of being outcasts hee hee.

Shopping for new outfits and shoes, beauty treatments and hair-dos (or hair-don'ts depending on the outcome lol) while our new clothes are getting that new smell steamed out of them, dressing up, going out to dinner (reservations are made ha ha ha), and then showing up at the party doused in so much perfume that they'll smell us coming LOL and timing our entrances to coincide with when the worst of the snobs will be leaving. Steve has agreed to keep his cell on hand to help us with the timing. We promise to go easy on the perfume. Over doing it is just a threat (at this point ha ha ha)

This way, he gets me at his party, Gwen gets to meet and socialize with our nicer friends and the snobs miss out on two gorgeous babes (who smell like heaven LOL) without leaving under the impression that I was never there.

Sound OK?

Forum moving a bit slow right now. Will check in later for your opinions/further suggestions. We're pretty stoked about the plans though.

Can women over forty still use the word stoked? lol

Hmmm... sounds good to me. Where's the party at? This could be fun to watch.... :D

Who wants to hang out with snobs anyway ? Go out with your friend and get wasted. [img]smile.gif[/img]

<font face="Verdana" size="3" color="#00FF00">Just think you get to put the snobs in there place and watch them get pissed off at you. One thing about snobs is they are not necessary more intelligent and putting them in there place with a few quick witted words turns them beat red. You see the snobs think they are superior because of there money and use that to gauge there importance in the world and giving them a reality check is always nice. It is even easier to do when drunk because you just won't give a crap. [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img] Hanging out with snobs can be fun but not for them.</font>

[ 01-21-2005, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: pritchke ]

<font face="Verdana" size="3" color="#00FF00">Just think you get to put the snobs in there place and watch them get pissed off at you. One thing about snobs is they are not necessary more intelligent and putting them in there place with a few quick witted words turns them beat red. You see the snobs think they are superior because of there money and use that to gauge there importance in the world and giving them a reality check is always nice. It is even easier to do when drunk because you just won't give a crap. [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img] Hanging out with snobs can be fun but not for them.</font> </font>[/QUOTE]johnny,
I can see us now, wobbling in our heels up the driveway trying not to spill our brown-bagged quarts LOL. No, best to save that for the Ohio crowd -they know us [img]graemlins/wink10.gif[/img]

pritchke
Hopefully we won't piss the snobs off too much! Snob #1 is the pres of our homeowners association and controls three of our major contracts (landscaping company here in AZ). Snob #2 is his suck-up next-door neighbor and vice-pres so it won't matter too much if he gets a little bent out of shape (which brings me to think I ought to dare Gwen to wink at him on her way in LOL). Snobs # 3, 4, and 5 are their wives and the eldest son of snob #1. 3 and 4 are sure]/ to be snockered by the time they leave and the son, well, I don't know. He tends to maintain at parties lol.

I kind of feel sorry for these folks. They were born into money and raised to see money as the sum of what people are. I doubt they have ever witnessed any situations first-hand that could put a dent in that mentality or that they recognized it if they have LOL. It's like nothing beyond your net worth and how you spend (or hold on to it) registers. We have to tolerate them to a certain extent (not to mention that the son is a hoot on the golf course!).
*sigh*
Wish us well! I want more than anything for my husband to enjoy his day, just not at the expense of our friend.
Goodnight! I'll let you know how it went next week.

Well you guys indeed have to look out for yourselves still [img]smile.gif[/img] You guys probably hate the guts of the snobs but then they are giving you business opportunities... Yep balancing is indeed a good thing and best of luck to you guys :D

Violet, your plans sound great! You'll make it to the party looking gooooooooood and feeling great and your friend won't have to deal with the pains in the butt that would be rude. [img]smile.gif[/img]

And you can use any word, stoked, or otherwise.. age is a case of mind over matter and I don't mind so it doesn't matter! LOL (I'm over 40 too ;) )

[ 01-22-2005, 12:01 AM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]

UPDATE!

Well the day started off in fantastic fashion.
Early shopping, a trip to the spa and salon, followed by securing a room at a central hotel with upscale services so that we could get our clothes cleaned and get a car & driver to take us to a late lunch.

Lunch was my favorite part of the day I think. Gwen has had a major crush on Bill Clinton since he was first voted into office and when he visited Tucson in 1999, he had lunch at a small (but great) restaurant in South Tucson, Mi Nidito. We got the same booth he sat at and when I told Gwen to pay close attention to where he was sitting in the pictures they have of him there she was hardly unable to contain her scream!

Fantastic carne asada tacos and 2 giant margueritas (EACH) later and we were ready to get back to the hotel, get dressed, made up, and wait for our cue to get home.

I got a little full of myself I guess (or full of tequila lol) and when we decided to head down to the bar to have another while we waited I stumbled (tripped over something invisible?!) and turned my ankle.

I ended up taking a trip to a nearby ER and ended up on crutches for the rest of that night, yesterday and today.

We did make it to the party - perfect timing meeting the snobs on their way out too LOL! I was able to apologize for missing them and introduced my best friend before she "helped me in to get off my sprain". The wives were as snockered as expected HA HA HA.

But then, so were we. :D

What fun. The rest of the night was an absolute blast laughing drinking and eating with people we know and love (and who know how to socialize!).

Gwen had a day to remember for sure, probably moreso than Steve LOL but he's not upset over any of it and he's glad that we were able to pull it all off so "smoothly" (barring my ankle lol)
Hey, I looked good when I stumbled!

*WHEW!!*

Bungleau,
My apologies for not telling you Friday that we are in Tucson!

EDIT!
Just so you know, I left my car at the hotel and had the driver bring us home.
No drinking and driving!

Oh and thanks Cloudbringer for the OK on "stoked" LOL!

[ 01-24-2005, 08:28 PM: Message edited by: Violet ]

Yah sure... you just didn't want anyone around to collect evidence :D

Glad you had fun, and sorry about the ankle :( Get better soon, and think of us folks who winter in the north and summer in the south :D

what part of ohio are u from?
hey bungleau, thats too bad about the wolverines losin to the buckeyes this year in football [img]smile.gif[/img]

Ouch, too bad about the ankle, Violet, but thumbs up for making it to the party at the right time. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Dayton and Chillicothe [img]smile.gif[/img] I've been through Mt. Vernon (many years ago) on the way to visit relatives who lived in Wooster. Whoa, thanks for the memories LOL! Funny how decades get by us and then come speeding back by in memories. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Thanks Cloudbringer! Crutches returned today and ankle feels as good as new.
Good thing about sprains - you treat them right and they go away lol.

Bungleau,
Summering in the south has its perks! IIRC the east coast is covered with eye candy!

Sounds like everything came out well, in spite of the ankle! So, Gwen's a looker, eh? [img]graemlins/showoff.gif[/img]
In that case, waaay out of my league, lol! ;)
Many more good parties to come, I hope! [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img]

OMG, she makes young men [img]graemlins/1drool.gif[/img]
Only out of your league if you're not of age (or insane) LOL! She's so cool it's enviable.
My birthday is coming up in just over a week. It'll be a quiet night at Caruso's (Tucson's best Italian restaurant). Or not LOL - Caruso's is on 4th Avenue and that whole street rocks on weekends. Better make reservations tonight.
The big parties are for Steve and his ego ;) and yeah many more to come, thank you! [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img]

[ 01-25-2005, 08:22 PM: Message edited by: Violet ]

What's everyone's preoccupation with sanity? Think its overrated, we's does!! yeeeesh, precioush! :D (and just a young lad of 18) ;)

No worries on the Wolverines, Balintherlas. I sure wish they hadn't backed into the Rose Bowl, but that's one way to get there.

Now, next year... there'll be some hell to pay, good sir. We won't let Ted Ginn Jr run all over the place next time, no we won't! :D