The Rules by Men

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are 'OUR' rules!

Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking - unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, sports, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

I think I've seen this recently somewhere.

<font color=lime>Absolutly perfectly said!!! Ladies, read, read, and read again.
It does not get any clearer than this. If you have any questions, refer to rule number 1. [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] </font>

Some of these are actually good. I found 1,1,1,1,1 and 1 to be especially good.

Edit: Oh, I forgot to mention number 1.

[ 10-23-2003, 08:44 AM: Message edited by: Stratos ]

I would concur. I didn't like the third one of those, but i think you should really add 1.

Hehe...very funny men bashing jokes, I shall take these rules into concideration :D

lmao i like the one that says
if you think your fat you probably are dont ask us
im going to print this.

Some are true, especially the : 'when you want something, just ASK'

<font color=gold>
Ehm, Arvon? Please keep a record of what jokes you've already posted. You already did this one.
</font>

[ 10-23-2003, 10:34 AM: Message edited by: Zuvio ]

Er...Are you sure? I may have posted similar ones though.

My top 3 favorites:

#1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

#2. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

#3. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Hahahhahhahahhahha! Arvon the Great! He's the man. If he can't make us laugh, no one can. [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

My favorite is, "1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us." and yeah, what the heck is MAUVE?

[ 10-23-2003, 12:51 PM: Message edited by: GForce ]

no idea...

no idea... </font>[/QUOTE]:rolleyes: I know what Mauve is. And yes, I am male. And yes, I am interested in girls - so don't even GO there [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Edit, missed a tag.

[ 10-23-2003, 01:22 PM: Message edited by: Calaethis Dragonsbane ]

Er...Are you sure? I may have posted similar ones though. </font>[/QUOTE]<font color=gold>
Yeah, eehm.. you did the women first and then you or someone else countered with the men rules. But whatever, it stays funny :D
</font>

Exactly! When will people realize this? [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Gee, that's odd, I wonder why no women have posted here yet :D

Hey, Gangrell! I wondered that myself. Come on ladies and defend your gender! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Mwuahahahaha! LOL.
Are you married arvon? if you wife sees it.... ;)

Took the liberty of posting a link in that "women's thoughts" thread, both reanimating it and (hopefully) bringing some of the ladies here... :D

All those should be made into law. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

<font color=pink>Here are my feminine opinions on some of these [img]tongue.gif[/img] </font>


1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
<font color=pink>Phil likes to shop :D </font>

1. Crying is blackmail.
<font color=pink>Then don't give us a reason to blackmail you</font>

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
<font color=pink>We don't expect you to. Most of the time you already are [img]tongue.gif[/img] </font>

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
<font color=pink>This is just a false statement altogether. Sometimes I think i'm fat. But you all know I'm not [img]tongue.gif[/img] </font>

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
<font color=pink>I see how it is in this one. It requires locking you out of the bedroom :D [img]graemlins/littleangel.gif[/img] </font>

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
<font color=pink>Christopher was also looking for India, not America. He was lost, and obviously didn't end up at the right destination</font>

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
<font color=pink>Calaethis knows what muave is. It's a darkish red!</font>

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
<font color=pink>Well ok, if you say so. Next time you take me out to a fancy dinner and you're all dressed nice, i'll wear a tanktop and a pair of sweats and sandals</font>


1. You have enough clothes.
<font color=pink>You have enough beer</font>

1. You have too many shoes.
<font color=pink>You have too much hair</font>

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
<font color=pink>A shape that is not fun to cuddle with

I hope that is sufficent feedback boys :D </font>

i was about to say.. oldie but goodie..

then lady blue posted

ouch...

I thought mauve was purple??!... and shopping is a sport...it includes walking doesnt it [img]smile.gif[/img]

<font color=gold>
GF: If you can't stand booze, don't drink it!!
Me: If you can't stand people, don't live in society!!

Well, that got me a nice break-up .... hiccup! :D
</font>

i somehow related it to a shade of green...oh well

It is purple. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

It is purple. [img]tongue.gif[/img] </font>[/QUOTE]nope, purple is purple. mauve is mauve, apparently a dark shade of red(why in all the h***'s do they need to name different shades of a color?!)

http://sources.redhat.com/mauve/img/mauvelogo.gif
Source: http://sources.redhat.com/mauve/

Ha! cazzie was right! :D

Mauve = Purple

thats nothing like purple! cant you see the different shade it has!?!? look at the shade, LOOK AT THE SHADE I TELL YOU!!!!!!!

No i cant see the shade difference. i am male. refer to rule 1:

:D

no idea... </font>[/QUOTE]:rolleyes: I know what Mauve is. And yes, I am male. And yes, I am interested in girls - so don't even GO there [img]tongue.gif[/img]
</font>[/QUOTE]You fearful little crawler, Cal! You're a traitor to your gender!

Damn, I thought mauve was a shade of green... :D

Darkish red is called Maroon Lady Blue, Maroon [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Hush you [img]tongue.gif[/img] Knowing what Mauve is does not make one a fearful little crawler... now, I agree about shopping. It is not a sport and never will be. In fact, its best done over the internet since it avoids having to wander around shops. As for the "Do I look fat in this" question - I am likely to say "yes" on a whim. I don't even want to go there with shoes or clothes, and for the record LB - I don't drink beer. [img]tongue.gif[/img]