I shot a man Today


I shot a man today
A no one, someone out for fun,
said the wrong thing and met my gun,
now he's in the gutter and I'm on the run.

I shot a man today
Straight down in flames,
done nothing wrong but asked some names,
Wish I'd used my head, not lost my brains.

I shot a man today
Where do I go, the plot is lost and there's no show,
the lights and the candles have lost their glow,
the voice in the head says "told you so",
the youth are lost yet they don't know,
their bodies enabled but minds disabled,
thoughts all twisted like an old ships cables,
lost in the search for lie spun fables,
angry faces across dirty tables,
and screams and shouts and shots ringout,
who's the thug, who's the lout,
what's this violence all about,
mental or physical it's all the same,
always looking to pass the blame,
there is no winner in this ■■■■■■■ game,
you and I are just the same...
Just we don't always see it

I shot a man today
No fun, no happiness,
I shot him through my mental uselessness,
uncontrollable compulsiveness,
no prayers, no thoughts.... no goodnight, God bless,
the man was shot because he was a mess.

I shot a man today
because he couldn't see,
the man that I shot today...
.......... was me.

[ 03-21-2003, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: Charlie ]

Those are some fantastic lyrics.
Who wrote that?

I did.

read it twice charlie. very good. [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img]

Well Charlie, I'm impressed.
Do you intend these lines to be sung (ie: in a band), or is it more along the lines of poetry? Because they work incredibly well either way [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Having fun in the pub Charlie ? :D

well I wrote it a few days ago. Was inspired for some unknown reason. Had to get it written "there and then".

Hierophant....dunno, haven't thought too hard on it. I know I own the copyright to it but haven't thought much. Oddly, I write my poetry with musical lyrics half in my mind....weird no?

Thanks for the words, pleased you like it.

Not weird at all. Whatever keeps that creative muse of yours flowing.

I liike it, Charlie. Thanks for sharing. [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img]

man... they aughta' make a poetry/free writing forum so folks like you wont have their stuff bumped around so often... Great stuff [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Don't you mean 'Weird? No.'

Nice lyrics/prose, Charlie. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] But when i first read the title, i thought you were for real. [img]graemlins/1ponder.gif[/img]

even thought of making an album? with the talent of yours you can make lots of money.

Thats amazing man.
Touched on a note I've been pondering for far too many days now.
Glad you shared that, I'm both touched and impressed [img]smile.gif[/img]

It strikes me as more poetic than lyrical, but I feel it would work well either way. I'm in awe...do you write often? If not, you should...

i tried to have a vote for one and instead my thread was hijacked and i was told to go here:

http://www.bratgirlcentral.com/cgi-b.../ikonboard.cgi

Well, don't quit your day job, whatever it may be, as you aren't going to get rich any time soon.

Oblivion, I have checked the ToS with regard to the obove statement and though I can't find anything specific that it breaches, I do consider it to be dismissive, mean-spirited and somewhat hurtful in it's tone and content.

If you want to critique the poem, by all means do so, and I'm sure the author will value your input, but I would ask that you refrain from such condescending put-downs in future.

Oblivion, I have checked the ToS with regard to the obove statement and though I can't find anything specific that it breaches, I do consider it to be dismissive, mean-spirited and somewhat hurtful in it's tone and content.

If you want to critique the poem, by all means do so, and I'm sure the author will value your input, but I would ask that you refrain from such condescending put-downs in future.</font>[/QUOTE]Really, not cool man... [img]graemlins/redbite.gif[/img]

I just saw the new avatars and had the fright of my life :eek:

Did you have fun, Charlie? If you're on the run, I'll let you stay in my garage! :D
Nice poem btw.
Oblivion, did you you were joking but it came out wrong? Happens to us all if it does. Still sounds mean, but oh well.

Awesome poem Charlie(a rude comment or two notwithstanding).

[img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] LOL You and Yorick should collaborate some day. The way he continent hops, you both should have the opportunity at some point. :D

Sorry about that. Not trying to be abrasive Charlie, but you can't make cash on poetry, even if it is the kind that we should all read for emotional insight. If you wrote novels, now there's the money. Unless you put them in song, and it shakes that Russian song off the charts (Don't know what it's doing up their anyways, but then again I'm not British...) it won't make the kind of cash that you need to make a living of writing.

They're good Charlie :D I got some lyrics from my band but they may not be to suitable. Theres no swearing, but some innuendos and the odd thing ;)

Who ever said cash was the only reason people create art?

Brilliant.

Isn't it? I think it's fantastic. Really good work, Charlie.

Brilliant.[/QUOTE]

Grand praise indeed, thankyou Yorick.
Also all the others that liked it.

Very, very, very well written Charlie. I really enjoyed it.

Grand praise indeed, thankyou Yorick.
Also all the others that liked it.</font>[/QUOTE]I'm tellin ya, you two ought to collaborate! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Once again Charlie, Awesome poem!

[ 03-17-2003, 10:04 AM: Message edited by: Nachtrafe ]