What would your reaction be if a good friend of yours commented on the attractiveness of your partner?

Would you feel complimented for having 'good taste'?
Would you feel threatened and presume the friend is after your partner?
Would you think it great, and that your friend and your partner may get along better?
Would you wonder if your partner was better with your friend and so dump your partner?
Would you just not care? Everyone thinks your partner is attractive right? How could they not?

What would your reaction be? Would it be different if it were just once to if it occurred over a long period of time? Would the gender of your friend make a difference?

Having some problems Yorrick ? :D I'd say, it depends on WHO that friend is. I have a few friends that are trying to screw everything that gets in their way. A comment like that coming from them, would certainly alarm me. But then again, if you can't trust your friends on a matter like this, they're no friends to begin with.

Right on! If I have any *friend* who thinks that getting my partner to bed is some sort of an accomplishment, I will gladly kick his butt and stay away from him forever.

Once would be a compliment. Twice would be a show of interest. Thrice would be a show of poor health, both in body and mind ;)
In the end, a lady of character shall not respond to cheap innuendo and 'hitting on' efforts. If you are both good people and are secure in your mutual affection then no degree of outside distraction shall be able to shake your love-bonds.
As Johnny and Paladin2000 have already made clear, one who tries to distract your love away from you is no friend, merely an opportunistic hedon. The more you mull this over in your mind, the more distressing it shall become. Shrug it off, go catch a movie or get some dinner together.

[ 01-07-2003, 05:39 AM: Message edited by: The Hierophant ]

Bah, I suppose if someone was attracted to my partner, she would tell him he is attractive when I am not around ! ;)

It would depend a lot on what stage the relationship is in.

Firstly, if the relationship is still in the "friends" stage, I wouldn't feel threatened at all - she has every to associate with other men, should she choose.

Secondly, even if it was "serious", If I can't trust her I'd rather find out sooner than later.

Mostly, I'd view it as a compliment unless it was on a continuing basis. I have a healthy dose of self-confidence, anyways. :D

I think he's very attractive! (for a Frenchman) :D

Once or twice is fine. Most people have similar tastes in parters as their friends.Also it is how its said. A simple "Wow! where did you meet her?" is fine. Going on for 2 hours about the virtues of my wife will get you off of my x-mas card list!! I dont think that it is a trust issue though. To me it is more of a respect issue. My wife would never cheat on me , but if you claim to be a friend , then you shouldnt go after her in the first place.

I think it depends on who, how, and in what context.

One of those minute but highly complicated judgements we make everyday.

If your good friend happens to be in a solid relationship, and you also trust them, it can be a compliment - ettiquite then demands a similar response from you!

If you good friend happens to be your partner's best friend (apart from you ;) ) There's probably little cause for concern, it's a friend thing.

If your good friend happens to be on top of your partner while saying this...there may a problem...

If it's just a 'mate' who's said this out of the blue...I'd probably be flattered and wary at the same time.

Wise words.

When I first started seeing my bloke, a mate (female) commented that he was 'a bit of a hunk', and another said he was good looking. I was quite chuffed. There was nothing threatening about the way they said it at all, just complimenting me on my pulling abilities ;)
Depends on context.

Yes, depends on context and how they say it. Both men and women will comment to me that my wife is pretty. Done right, it's fine. Also, I agree that stating it once is quite different that twice or thrice. And, I also agree that it depends on who it's coming from.

On the flip side, I have had occassion where a guy was commenting on her attractiveness in a slightly inappropriate way - and I just had to smile knowing he had not a snowball's chance in hell. My theory - go ahead, see if I care whether or not you covet what you can't have. ;)

Solely depends on your partner.

As my friend said, "Take it one step at a time."

My not-quite-yet girl is an attractie one, and popular (sheesh i'm bragging). anyway i know you get thee picture on where guys also like her and all that... basically i would be complimented, but insecurities will arise inevitably, but then she should reassure me or something related to that.

trust my friend... is the main word...

i don't know with your friends, but mine are hands-off with her... newly found friends are harder to manage... and well... it's up to her to shoo them away if they do 'hit' on her...

my two cents... [img]smile.gif[/img]

the councilor has spoken. :D

Well, as most people have said, it does depend alot on what is said, how it's said and how often it's said!

I've had friends compliment my fiancee or tell me we look 'nice together' but I imagine if one repeatedly said such things about my fiancee I'd wonder what was up. I wouldn't have a worry in the world that it would lead to anything, because he and I have a trusting, solid foundation for the relationship, but again, as most people have pointed out, a good friend isn't likely to keep on complimenting your significant other and anyone else should only do so once or in special circumstances. For instance if he happens to be wearing a new shirt or something and she notices he looks good in it that day, I wouldn't think it was 'hitting on him' but rather a flattering comment of the moment.

Now, if someone were to say it in a more provocative way or often enough to get attention, sure, I'd be a little put out, but again, like Timber, I'd be thinking, "HA, have fun, you aren't gonna get anywhere" Or something like that! LOL! :D

Not really. When I was married I often had people comment on my wifes attractiveness. I didn't feel insecure, just kind of complimented for her. (She was my 'other half'). ;)

However, I have had a friend whose girlfriend I commented on, start feeling insecure. :( It exacerbated some problems they were already having.

Like you said, Moiraine, if I WAS after her, I wouldn't be telling HIM! At the time I had a girl of my own. Regardless, I don't "cut friends grass".

Anyhow thanks for your comments. Context is everything isn't it. It depends on where you're at, where your friend is at, where the girlfriend is at, the levels of trust between the parties.

Cheers guys. [img]smile.gif[/img]

I think it depends on how they tell you... If they say "You're a lucky man" isn't worthy of any harm while "Gosh your Wife is Hot!" is a little iffy and "Hey is she available this Tuesday?" Is when you should feel threatened [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Flattered. I have always taken these kind of compliments as one to myself as well. After all, if she is with me, she has great taste! LOL (damnit I got to take the time to figure out all the smileys here.... the one with eyes rolling at my last comment would have been perfect!).
Put it this way Yorick ( do I have to call you that? You have more nicknames than Carter has peanuts).... where was I? Oh yes... put it this way Yorick, if you have anything to worry about your "friend" or your "girlfriend" dump them both. Life's to short for unimportant B.S. and people.

Damn blue eyed,long haired rockstars with accents get all the girls!!! ;)

Flattered. I have always taken these kind of compliments as one to myself as well. After all, if she is with me, she has great taste! LOL (damnit I got to take the time to figure out all the smileys here.... the one with eyes rolling at my last comment would have been perfect!).
Put it this way Yorick ( do I have to call you that? You have more nicknames than Carter has peanuts).... where was I? Oh yes... put it this way Yorick, if you have anything to worry about your "friend" or your "girlfriend" dump them both. Life's to short for unimportant B.S. and people.</font>[/QUOTE]Go to the "Graphics Library" up at the top and click on the button, you'll find several PAGES of smileys! :D

I have a picture of <font color=pink>Galadria</font> in my office. (Okay, several ;) ) and people tell me all of the time how attractive she is. I am complimented when they do. When we first started going out, a friend who is a notorious "lady-killer." got me aside to tell me how pretty she was. I still remember that with pride.

A lot of good advice from everyone! One other thing to keep in mind too. Make sure you give her just as many compliments as everyone else does. After hearing all his friends saying what they thought about me and my looks, and not hearing anything but insults from my husband, I decided I'd rather be with someone who appreciated me. You don't have to gush, just a few words here and there should do the job.

It depends how when and why they said it, usually I would feel complimented on having such an attractive partner.
Because we all know if a buddy is dating an unattractive girl and is serious about her, there is no way anyone I am going to tell him how unattractive she is, but if he is dating an attractive girl, its a compliment to tell him so.

And there you have it. Well well.

Clearly a problem has to exist within the relationship for a threat to occur from without. But if the friend of a couple sees this they should be very careful.

Ah the tangled web we weave.

THanks Ornery. And thanks again for insights all. [img]smile.gif[/img]

The years of happy marriage I have enjoyed basically come down to one thing, trust. I trust my wife implicitly; therefore any compliment by another man only makes me happier that she is mine to love.

Yorick, I am a firm believer that problems for a couple do not originate from outside the relationship, but from within it. Existing problems can be highlighted by outside events and third parties, but are in no way the cause of those problems.

As you have seen from the responses on this thread, people with secure loving relationships based on trust take it as a compliment - people with existing problems can become insecure, or realise that better is to be had elsewhere.

If your friend felt insecure when you complimented his partner it is not your fault but a sign for him that he needs to look closely at his relationship, and either try to repair it in some way, or if that is not possible say goodbye, sad as that may be.

:D :D :D
Putting it that way, I can see why your friend felt threatened Hugh ;)
Nah, I'm just kidding! I agree with what most people said here: there should be no threat at all in a compliment, and if it's perceived as one, the fault doesn't lie with you.
People have remarked before that my boyfriend looks nice (girls especially seem to like his hair ;) ) and it only makes me proud of him. When I visited him in Stirling last year, some of his studymates (male and female) told him he had such a pretty g/f, and he didn't feel threatened either, more like flattered. He specifically told me about the compliments because he hoped I'd be happy, and I think I would pass on any compliments I heared about him too, since I'd know it would make him feel good about himself. [img]smile.gif[/img]

HERE HERE!! Trust is the key, Ceating is the easiest thing to do, all you (they) need is the time to do it. Now armed with that knowledge you can either become jealous over every little thing, or you can look you partner right in the eye and trust them. It's been my experiance trust builds relatioships, jelousy distroys, but hey, that's me and my wife.