WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I
noticed a remote control for a television set in her
purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping
with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could
do to him."
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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider.

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SECTIONAL, SCHMECTIONAL

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was
greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in
particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a
sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.

"Sectional, schmectional," she bitterly retorted. "All I want
is an occasional piece in the living room!"

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HEY! WAIT A MINUTE...

I said to my wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They
reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road
except one."

And she said, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number
23."

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DIFFERENT IDEAS

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world!"

The woman says, dryly, "I'll miss you."
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NO CABBAGE FOR YOU

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing
one another for some time. After inquiring about each
other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.

"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up
a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down
dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you
do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead!"

LOL. Very good

Good group...*LOL*

A plane developed engine trouble over the atlantic and was going to crash.
One woman ripped off her shirt, turned to her husband and said,
"We're going to die but I want you to make me feel like a Woman one last time !"

Her husband took off his own shirt and handed it to her,
"good, you can iron this for me"

Oh, and why do women have small feet ?
So they can stand closer to the sink ;)

Ps Hivetyrant, my mighty Space Wolves will tear your pansey tyranids apart [img]smile.gif[/img]

hee-hee-hee. I like that one.

Most of these are VERY old jokes... but I can't help myself

Why do brides dress in white?

To match all the other appliences (now I have managed to annoy all the females in IW)

Oldies but goodies, though I am a tad frightened to say anything more

*ducks and runs from female-fired projectile storm*

[img]tongue.gif[/img] There seems to be an abundance of testosterone in here! LOL [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]
Oldies, but yes, they are amusing! :D

[img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Miss Cloudbringer Ma'am,
The original intent of this thread was to show the superiority of the fairer sex. :D
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( See gentelmen that's how you do it, CYA, suck-up, or whatever you want to call it, but the fact is we are outgunned and overmatched in the battle of the sexes)

nice one [img]smile.gif[/img]

John D, you old smoothie, you! :D [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]

Here is another one. This weekend I started taking dance lessons (cha-cha, salsa, niteclub, and east coast swing) and in all these dances the man leads with his left foot and the woman with her right. The reason for this you ask? Well, as the instructor told us, "because the Woman is always right" !? lol.

HAHAHAHA! Now, someone inform my fiance of this fact....hehe... :D

HAHAHAHA! Now, someone inform my fiance of this fact....hehe... :D </font>[/QUOTE]HE'll LEARN BELIEVE ME HE'LL LEARN!!...er...I mean...ah...

...Miss Cloudbringer Ma'am, you'll need to show him some patience, for us men are such weak vessels. ;)

Wwwwsssshhhhooooooo!! I almost didn't thunk I'd get myself out of that hole. (John D. bows to the audience and exits stage right before one of the lovely IW ladies whacks him over the head with a rolling pin) :D

[ 01-06-2003, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: John D Harris ]

Miss Cloudbringer Ma'am,

Thank you, but I'm just an OLD war Horse a survivor of many battles. ;)

Hey Cloudy , just tel your financee what my dad told me on my wedding day , "A happy wife is a happy life.", and boy was he right!