okay so here it is...

after everything has been said and done and all the shit that has gone with my life, i have come to this conclusion that i already had but now still haunts me to this very day: I am in love with my best friend.

we have known each other for the same amount of time as Joelle (old timers unite [img]smile.gif[/img] ) and she is the only person that I really have never lost interest with. the both of them are the only ones whom i really know i am in love with... i dont' believe in courtship, and i believe that love develops... so there.

these two women are the only ones who have a special place in my heart... i already wasted one credit so to speak by not really doing anything with joelle, but now my best friend kara really makes me wonder...

i am content as of the moment that i am close to her as we can be, and i want it to be more and share stuff with her as i call it. it would be okay if she would refuse, but then i wouldn't feel bad because my feelings for her are above jealousy and all that which i am surprised with. i REALLY want to try it out with her, as we know each other lalala... but oh well...

now the dilemma is the well-known, "should i ask him/her" the question that can change the both of us forever...

Ryan

no, my experience is these kind of things never go well. If you have a good friend in a girl don't ask her, it destroys everything you had before, and you'll end up feeling like the worlds biggest a$$hole for not just being content with what you had.

well but thats just my opinion... and experience... I could be wrong.

Déja vu, déja vu, déja vu... arrrggggghhhhh *brain explodes* ;)

Sorry Bahamut, I know neither of you so I really wouldn't know what your best course of action would be. [img]graemlins/confused2.gif[/img]
Good luck anyway! [img]smile.gif[/img]

life is short

Just follow your heart.

Since when was Walt Disney writing your posts? :D [img]smile.gif[/img]
Sorry, Bahamut, but I have no idea. Yes, Jorath is right, these things can totally screw with your friendship, but then, as 250 said, life is too short. Sorry mate, good luck tho [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

damn dude, I don't know what to tell you, it's a tough position to be in, I'd say go for it, but it can make things extremely awkward if she says no, the problem I always had when I was single was I'd get to know them first before making any kind of move, and by the time I had developed feelings (more than initial hormones) I was always seen as more of a brother/best friend figure, and couldn't ever get away from that image, and despite my desire to stay close friends we always (without exception) drifted apart... go for it if you think you've got a shot, if you're really not sure how she thinks of you (as "just a friend" or possibly more) then I would let sleeping dogs lie, and dream fondly of what might have been, rather than face the depression resulting from rejection...

it doesn't ruin friendships if they are strong, and you will never be happy about your situation if you don't ALWAYS take the chance.

damn it damn it...

i am giving it time... i think i have a shot, but then i really do not know... as what happened recently... the girl was just a mess.. and i don't this to end up like that too

Hmmm.... I loved a close friend of mine very much many years ago. As it turns out, I could only hold it in for so long, and ended up telling her. She told me it could never happen, and it shattered me completely.

Our friendship was never ever the same again, until we eventually lost contact. I don't think you should assume that this will happen to you, but I thought I should at least tell you of my experience.

The Trickster.

i say go for it. i may have jumped into things with my husband, but i don;t think anything would be different in our hearts had we taken things the slow friends way (or if we had just waited at least until the second date!) but nayway, he's my best friend and i adore him. i couldn't ask for more in a person. i can cry on him and laugh with him, i can tease him and hold him. if you can do all these things with her, go for it. besides, i have some friends (2 girls) but the one was interested and the other was strictly str8. they're together now because even the the initial answer was "no" their friendship made it so they could talk and see eye to eye. good luck...

Wow, thats exactly what happened to me...

(except I got drunk the same night after she told me and tried to commit suicide...)

I reckon you should go for it, BUT you have to realise that when you have been friends with a girl for so long, things can go disastrously wrong. Women get used to such a friendship, and if you try to take things a step further, they may react negatively. Even if she does agree, it might not work- she might dump you with the infamous cliche "I just want to stay firends," or maybe "I can't go out/date you, because it feels funny, because you are my friend."

If this happens, it is VERY, VERY DIFFICULT, to resume the friendship you had before, and you'll probably end up not talking to each other in the long run. Hence, not only will you have lost a potential lover, but a good friend also.

I don't want to be pessimistic, but I've been in this situation before, and when things go wrong, believe me, it hurts. I still think some of these relationships can be successful (many successful couples say that their lover is "their best friend"), but it's abit risky. So give it a long hard think before you take the plunge.

I wish you all the best.

It may be easier, Ryan to simply wait and see how she feels about you first.

Believe me, if she is interested in you as well, she will let you know. That way, you have nothing to lose. As it is, just watch and wait. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Charean has a point Bro. You need to take a good look at her body language and the way she looks at you, try to see if you think she feels more than friendship for you. Maybe try to test the waters, and don't outright say "I love you!" LOL, but think of things to say to her that *hint* to her that you might be interested in being more than friends. See how she reacts. If she feels the same way as you, she will show it somehow by acting positively to what you *hint*, if she kinda ignores it or backs off a bit, well then you have your answer :( . Don't push it if you don't get any kind of positive feedback, that way you both can still keep the friendship from there and let it go, as it was just a small thing. Does that make sense LOL?

Either way I wish you luck Bro. [img]smile.gif[/img]

If you have been friends for a long time already and have not developed a romantic relationship with each other by now then you never can/will. It seems highly unlikely that telling her you 'love' her will turn out favorably for you. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, just giving my opinion on things (which you indirectly asked for). I think you have convinced yourself psycologically that you in fact 'love' her, you can unconvince yourself too. Trust me, I've done it many times before. Stop thinking of her in romantic, gooey terms and realign your thoughts to practical, platonic friendship. Eventually these thoughts will become instinctual and there won't be a problem anymore.

[in a bad Yoda impression]
To Ladyzekke you listen... http://www1.theforce.net/icons/publicicons2/kickass.gif

I wish I had had that kind of a voice of reason before I did my... thing http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...ons/icon15.gif

Oh Ryan....this DOES sound so familiar, dear! [img]smile.gif[/img] Always the heart trouble for you...sigh... I'm with Ladyzekke on this one. Take all the time in the world, you're young and neither of you is rushing off to join the navy or anything...uh you aren't, are you? ;) :D Anyway, if you push and she's not receptive, you could lose a friend. If you hint and she IS receptive, then you will have your answer AND the love you crave. [img]smile.gif[/img]

go for it.

Well I believe she was hinting me before... but then we sort of like shrugged it off... she was asking that is it okay for best friends to have a relationship... And now it seems it is going strong again... I really do not know... you know she knows and vice versa you guys are a perfect fit somewhat... and yet you shrug those feelings off... last night kind of freaked me out...

She messaged me (celfone texting... bah) that our friend said something that one of his friends said, "Ah, Ryan and Kara, I wouldn't wonder if they would have a relationship." And that got her thinking. I asked why and she said she doesn't know if that is good or bad. I asked why it is bad and she replied.

you are younger than i am.

Umm, I wasn't expecting that answer actually. I knew I had a good answer to refute that, but anyway what is now stumping me is that she should have said something like, "No because it sounds silly because we are best friends." But that answer seemed like she was looking already on that department and thinks about that matter. I mean I wouldn't mind the age... I would say the best friends first before that... but with that reply I think I got a hint... am I right? Probably not... but then that answer was shocking nonetheless...

Ack [img]smile.gif[/img] I think that mentioning you are younger than her is, indeed, a hint. If she really wanted a romantic relationship she wouldn't have said that at all, wouldn't care about any age differences, and therefore not even mention them at all. She probably really cares for you though Ryan and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying "no" outright, and then lose you as a friend. Don't let that happen, stay friends with her, friends in many ways can be just as important as lovers, and should be respected in the same manner. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Of course since I'm not there and don't personally know the both of you, I could totally be wrong in my assumptions. I'm just going on what you have posted, so don't take anything I may say as gospel, merely just use it in your considerations of the subject we are talking about OK? What you decide in the end is your thing, and I wish you nothing but the best Ryan no matter what:)

Hmm... I just think we are both confused because we keep on going around in circles... but nonetheless... I will havee to self-destruct. I don't know... but I would rather seize the day and suffer for eternity at she knew what was inside of me... than forever hold my peace... for that can be more torture... I really don't know yet... I hope time will tell... [img]smile.gif[/img]

Ryan, be very careful if you are deciding whether to express your feelings, as others have said, test the waters very lightly before any move... I am still trying to recover after I fell for one of my friends, and this was almost a year ago now, we still talk and such but the friendship has changed, I always feel like I have to be careful now and I can't do anything nice without it seeming like having, other meanings, you know? Looking back, I really regret telling her how I felt and If I had just one wish It'd be to turn back time.

Ha, now that I think about it, she was a bit older than me too hahaha...

But yeah, If you think she'll knock you back then don't 'seize the day', as suffering for eternity is a very long time. Hope it works out, one way or another =)

Well I already said it... she said that she read the message at 12 mn and then couldn't sleep till two! hehehe

Anyway, she has a thing for me too... so to make a long story short...

The feeling is somehow mutual.

[img]smile.gif[/img] I am content, I am happy. I am not expecting anything anymore. I am glad I got it off my chest and that the result was also like a fairy tale. Things aren't different, and that makes me happy... the friendship even got better I suppose [img]smile.gif[/img]

Thats great to hear buddy, I'm really happy for you [img]smile.gif[/img]

CONGRATS!!!!!!! from morgeruat adn myself!!!!!!!

Thanks thanks!

I am just glad...

Someone says I am moving up her charts really fast :D :D :D