<font color="33CCFF">Sorry, this is a long one ... but well worth it to read :

SUBJECT: Dam permit

This one is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

Wait till you read this guy's response-but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.



SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;

Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2002.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price

District Representative Land and Water Management Division



This is the actual response sent back:



Dear Mr. Price, Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have> been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource a nd Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation-so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream"restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I to to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred> for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until

1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!

Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
</font>
:D

[ 09-30-2002, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ]

yeah a long one indeed .. have to give my eyes a rest now before I finsih reading it!@ [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Dam you were right... that was funny :D

lol, where did you find that? its dam funny :D

That's dam great Lady Zekke!

LOL he likes his beavers. :D

i thoguht this was posted on IW last year sometime :). Still funny though :D

LOL That was dam funny. :D

Dunno, maybe it was and I just wasn't paying any dam attention :D

[ 09-30-2002, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ]

Well Lady Z, stop being so dam sloppy then :D

Lol don't know if i have seen it before but it is funny [img]tongue.gif[/img] lol lets get thoes bears :D

what respondes did he get ? I hope he wins!

I am actively resisting the urge to make any dam smart aleck comments. Oh dam, I did it. ;)

LOL wery great LZ [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Well I be dam... [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

Dam funny stuff!!

I'm willing to overlook all the terrible, terrible puns and say that this was pretty funny :D

That was a dam good one.

I've read this before, but that doesn't make it any less funny. I'm passing it along to the guys in my firm. We do MI enviro law out of our MI office - it'll surely get the laughs.

That reminds me of a communication between a neighboring counties Comm Center and field units regarding an emergency call near the river dam.

I can't remember the entire communication word for word, but the field units were having a hard time with the directions. They were going to "this" dirt road, off "that" dirt road, near the "other" dirt road. The Comm center had limited information because the caller hung up, they couldn't get them back on the line, and they were doing the best they could, but the field units were getting cranky. The major problem being several un-nammed dirt roads that all go to the dam.

After their repeatedly asking for directions, the dispatcher finally responded to the field units with(and I'm quoting here), "This is on the dam road. All we know is that you need to go to the dam road to find this incident. All units turn onto the dam road."

There was about a full minute of silence afterwards.

Of course, the dispatcher wasn't being sarcastic, but it was funny as heck to hear. No one got in trouble, but there were more than a few telephone calls exchanged between supervisors...lol.

I personally have always wanted to tell aggrevating field units to just "turn onto the dam road" and leave me alone... :D

[ 10-01-2002, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: Ronn_Bman ]

you kept your promise it was well worth it to read, the state department is so stupid.

Yep, that's a dam fact!

Excellent!!! I even stole it for another board.