I don't know who to be madder at! My son or the theives! Sure, stealing is wrong and it shouldn't happen. But when you leave your bike laying around unlocked constantly, you're asking for it! When he was eight, he just left his new bike somewhere and forgot where it was. I gave him a two year suspension until he got a new one. I bought him a brand new mountain bike for Xmas. Well, he got to ride it maybe five times this summer. Twice I had to chase him outside to put it away. Well, this time he left it out and it disappeared. Instead of getting better at taking care of his stuff, he's just coming up with more excuses. This time, he insisted(lied) he locked it up. Apparently, the thief took the time to pick the lock, take only one bike out of four, and carefully re-locked the chain. :rolleyes: My neighbor also mentioned he had seen the bike lying in the back yard around the time of disappearance. He's lost/destroyed every valuable thing given to him through negligence, not to mention a few of mine too. Mostly my tools left in the dirt to rot. He's lost/destroyed tool sets, expensive pocketknives, bikes, etc. How in the hell do you break a kid of a habit like this? No matter the punishment it doesn't seem to work! It makes him sufficiently miserable, but doesn't change his behavior. Not having nice things doesn't seem to stimulate his brain much either. I don't know what to do anymore except not buy him anything expensive. Maybe he's just too immature to take care of his things at ten years old. His heads still in the clouds or something. I thought 10 was old enough to start having a few nice things. Maybe not, huh? I didn't go crazy yelling at him this time. Just gave him a stern lecture and showed him the bike he gets to ride from now on. An old, second hand, 20$, ten speed street bike that needs new tires. Ten speeds are extremely "uncool" for kids his age right now. That's what he gets for the the next few years. I'm also making him spend his own money to get new tubes for it! Perhaps he'll begin to appreciate his nice things enough to lock them up, if he has any left! Then again, maybe he won't. What scares me is when he has to stay home alone and leaves the house. I'm certain he leaves the door unlocked. *sigh!* The only answer is to not allow him to leave the house. You can't keep a kid cooped up all summer inside a house though. It's just not healthy! Any ideas? Anyone else have this problem?

I think that a proper bike lock is the first thing, here. But, yeah, a child needs to know that actions have consequences. Give him a month without his bike, make him do chores to earn the money for a new one would be my first suggestion. My sons are 16 and 4, nearly. :D

hmmn well im not an adult as a kid i know what would make me rele rele bad and maybe even teach me summit and its also the sort of thing my dad would do. take away everything he has leave him with a bed matress duvet and carpet.that should teach him
Felix

<font color="#55ccff">Sounds like a valuable learning experience for your son Sir K.....the old saying...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me might just apply here...a few months without a bike might make him more attentive to taking care of his things.....
As a parent...if my son or daughter did these kinds of things they would not have anything, and owuld have to earn anything they got in the future. Appreciation is impportant, if they don't appreciate what they get, they wont understand values later on in life...so this should be a good learning experience.....just my opinion dude....there are as many ways to raise a child as there are parents in the world [img]smile.gif[/img] </font>

[ 07-15-2002, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: MagiK ]

Should I feed him gruel, stale bread, and tainted water too? :D Naahhh! I like him too much to be that mean. My point isn't to make him completely desperate. Just to get him to pay more attention to responsibilities. I think his step-dad did that to him once. I don't think it helped.

Uhm, you leave your ten year old home alone?? To me that seems way to young to have that much responsibility. Especially in light of him not having the proper responsibility to watch out for his own things.

If faced with this situation I would do this:

I would tell him, or her, I am going to stop buying him things. That if s/he wanted something like a bike or whatever, they'd have to pay for it themselves. If they didn't have the money, they'd have to work for it. My own indentured servant.

The problem now is that he is not responsible for the loss. You are. You paid for the items, if they are lost, then it's up to you to replace them.

Good advice MagiK. Been tried too. Remember, it's been two years having one rust bucket at his moms to ride for two years now. It's been mentioned by teachers that he is a bit immature for his age. He's kind of in his own little world and doesn't pay attention to what's going on around him. It shows in his schoolwork too. His mother and I have been driving him like crazy, and it's helped his schoolwork a lot. His grades are up and his tests are looking good. He should completely catch up reading skills this year. You still have to keep your boot on his butt 24/7 to keep him going. As soon as you stop hounding, he stops doing! During the summer, I call him from work repeatedly to make sure chores are done, teeth are brushed, etc. I was just wondering what I should expect from a child of ten. Am I expecting too much? Do all ten year olds require constant supervision to attend to their responsibilities?

See? If I ask ten people the same question on whether it's OK for a ten year old to be home alone, I get ten different answers. The law and most fathers say it's OK. Most mothers deem it risky at best. There's simply not much choice right now. That's why he has to stay in while I'm gone. Work in this area sucks right now. Plus, I had to go back to school. I simply don't have the money for summer camps like I used to.

<font color="#55ccff">Well my 11 year old usually requires periodic reminders, but for the most part he doesnt need CONSTANT reminders...but then again he has come to know that I really try to drill in the idea that his actions have consequences..do the chores and there are good consequences ..failure to do the chores could lead to more misery than actually doing the work [img]smile.gif[/img] seems to work so far [img]smile.gif[/img] Being a bit forgetful is normal in pre-teens though.</font>

<font color="#55ccff">I trust my 11 year old home alone...though Im not sure if I would on a regular basis where he could "plan" for it [img]smile.gif[/img] </font>

Heh, heh! Planning is not my son's strong point. Not much to worry about there. He's not dangerous or anything. Just forgetful, dreamy, and procrastinating to the point of hair -pulling!

Hi, Sir Kenyth:

IMO, 10 years old is waaay too young to be left "home alone." No sooner than 12, would be my advice on that. It would depend on the individual kid, though.

It sounds like your young one is having a tough time growing up. It sounds as if he has a hard time learning a routine; things like "always lock your bike up when you come inside", "always brush your teeth before bed," etc. Most kids start picking this up around ages 5-7. If they stop doing it, it may be seen as a sign of rebelliousness, but I don't think that's what this is in this case.

Just out of curiosity, have you had him tested for any cognitive problems? If that is what it is, then no amount of lecturing or punishment will matter. A friend of mine has a learning disability called "dysgraphia" which is the inability to retain or follow instructions. She has to have a notebook with her wherever she goes, with the simplest methods of doing things written down in it so she can look them up. She also has an IQ of 125 and is a successful graphic artist, so it's not an intellectual problem. Things we normally take for granted on remembering are a nightmare for her.

Since you asked, I think normal 10-year-old development would indicate capability of handling simple responsibilities: caring for pets, daily hygiene, basic security issues (locking doors, taking care of one's personal belongings). Lapses occur, of course, but when they occur constantly without your having to be "on him" all the time, it's not a lapse...it's a problem.

Do talk with his pediatrician...get a viewpoint on what normal 10 year old development should be, and then make a decision as to what to do from there. I wish you the best.

-Sazerac

My daughter's ten and I wouldn't dream of leaving at home by herself, she's way to irresponsible. By the sounds of it, it's time your son learned the value of money. Don't buy him another bike, plain and simple. If he wants a bike, let him by it himself. I'm quite sure if he has to fork out the cash for it, he'll be a little more careful!
Sounds like our kids our very similiar. I can't give my daughter anything nice as it's usually destroyed or left somewhere within a week. I'm not quite sure what the solution is, but I have to be on top of Ashley 24/7 hounding her to pick up her things, clean her room, drain her tub, flush her toilet, etc...She is getting better, but has a long way to go before I'd consider her responsible.

Sir K , your son and my son should hang out so they can loose things together!! My step son is 10 and on his 3rd gameboy in 6 months!! He has a habit of putting things down and forgetting them. kind of like out of my hand , out of my mind. He has a list as long as my arm of things that he has lost. He is also lazy about house work and school work to the point of claiming to be ill if we push him to do his chores. Our solution was to get together with his dad and come up with a standardized written rule and point system for both houses. He can earn a total of 12 points a day.Every time he does something with out haveing to be told it is worth 1 point, everytime we have to tell him he loses 1 point. At the end of the week the points are totaled up and we see where he is at. less than 40 points for the week and he is grounded for the weekend, Between 40 and 60 and he gets a small reward like going swimming or renting a movie, over 60 points and he get a big reward like going to the movies or to an amusement park.

To earn money we let him do yard work at my parents house. My parents have a pretty big house on an acre of land , so there is a lot to do. Each job is worth a couple of bucks. Dusting is $3, vacumeing is $2, cutting grass is $5,hauling tree brances is $7. The more he works the more he earns. I have noticed since my dad has been putting him to work he hasnt lost very many of the things he has bought with the money. Then again , my dad just recently retired after 30 yrs in the Army so the way he deals with my step son might have something to do with it.

your son sounds just like me at his age (and now for that matter :D ) I always stayed home with my little brother since i was 11.
I was, and still am: forgetful, dreamy, and procrastinating. I dont think its something you learn or unlearn its just the way you are.
And as far as learning the value of things, and i dont mean to be discuraging, i never learned that lesson until i moved out on my own and had to fend for myself. once the money started coming out of my own (non-disposable) income, i truly saw how valuable it was. I still suffer from not taking care of things like i know i should, but i'm alot better than i was 13-14 years ago.

Heh, heh! Planning is not my son's strong point. Not much to worry about there. He's not dangerous or anything. Just forgetful, dreamy, and procrastinating to the point of hair -pulling![/QB][/QUOTE]

sounds like me at 10 man seriously i was just as bad as is slacker i think its kinda a normal thing man and like slacker i am better now i know value

[ 07-15-2002, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: Madman-Rogovich ]

On the subject of children being at home by themselves...my own son was a latch-key kid at the age of 8 and was very responsible about security. For any of you that want to shake the finger of shame at me, well I had neighbors that called child protective services, who in turn called my son before I got home from work one day...their ruling was that he was intelligent enough and responsible enough to be fine on his own for an hour every weekday. It did become a rule after that (which he followed) not to answer the phone at all while I was not home.
It really does depend on the kid...I was a latch-key kid along with some siblings and as responsible as I was, that did not stop one of my siblings from literally burning down the house before mom came home one day. If you have worries about the security of your belongings and your son while he is home alone, by all means, make other arrangements that will insure he is looked after by a responsible adult.
Saz makes good points about it being something just beyond a lack of responsibility and you really should seek some professional opinion to determine if there is an underlying cause.
About the bike...if you feel bad enough for him to buy him another, make him work and save up for it...let him see money come in, accumulate slowly, and then go out all at once on one item...it might make him appreciate its value more. Good Luck with the whole ordeal, you sound like you really have your hands full!

[ 07-15-2002, 08:23 PM: Message edited by: Moni ]

a latch key kid? an american term?

yes, a latch-key kid is any child who has to come home to an empty house after school and be responsible until their parents get home. [img]smile.gif[/img]

i see , in that case i was one from about 8 yrs onward but i coped infact i enjoyed it [img]smile.gif[/img]

I swear, its like your describing me at 10. I would venture to guess that he is actually very intelligent, but extremely unmotivated. My problem was not that i couldnt learn information or remember instructions, it was that unless it was important to me for some reason, i didnt care enough to remember it. My grades stunk, not because i couldnt learn but because i didnt care enough to do the home work. I didnt start brushing my teeth and bathing regularly without being told by my parents till i was a teenager.
Also as a warning, just because a child is dreamy, forgetful, and unmotivated, doesnt mean they dont plan. They just tend to plan things you wouldnt normaly think about. I had a tendency to be very secretive, destructive, and had a propensity to lie about anything and everything. The lying thing improved with age, to the point that once i was into highschool, nobody new anything about me that i didnt want them to.

yeah, I was 7 but I had older siblings. It was fine until the day the house burned down...waiting for mom to get home and kick our butts for it...she was so devastated by the loss that how it started didn't matter and it was ruled an accidental fire...none of us knew my brother started it until about two years ago when he confessed.
It was OK after that too but mom was a little nuts and she would break radios if we had them turned up too loud when she walked in lol.

[ 07-15-2002, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: Moni ]

I was a latch key kid from the 4th grade on. when we moved to the town i grew up in we bought a house with an electric garage door opener that had a key pad outide that would open the door if you knew the code. this was very fortunate since i had a bad habit of forgetting to take my key with me, and could get in without it. Of course forgeting my key tought me how to break into houses very well. we used to break into the new houses that were being built just for fun.

im 17 now and have lost my house key twice this year lol

lol
A number of years ago I bought myself a keychain that said "I wonder what your head would look like on a stick?" to get myself to stop locking them in my car. Worked like a charm. ;)

its agood idea for sure lol!