Thought since it will soon be the 4th of July, not our Independence Day, to post something patriotic

To Beat an Australian

The following was said to have been written by a knobhead not in Austrialia:

"You probably missed it in the ruse of news last week, but there was actually a report that someone in England had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to any sportsman who beat an Australian, any Australian. So I just thought I would write to let them know what an Australian is, so they would know when they found one.

An Australian is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Green. An Australian may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, American, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. An Australian may also be a Kouri, Arnhemlander, Pinjanjarra, Redfernite, or one of the many other tribes known as indigenous Australians.

An Australian is Christian, or he could be Jewish, Sportist, Humanist, Feral, Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Greeks in Australia than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in Australia they are free to eat as each of them chooses. Yeeros, Kebab, whatever. An Australian is also free to believe in no sports. For that he will answer only to his artistic calling, not to the government, or to big-armed sports fans claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An Australian is from the most beautiful land in the history of the world. The root of that beauty can be found in the sheer raw untouched expanses, which recognise the God given right of each man and woman to the pursuit of happiness. Especially at a beach.

An Australian is generous. Australians have helped out Americans at every time of need. When Vietnam was overrun by the Red army 20 years ago, Australians came with yarns and beer to enable the Yanks to have a mate with them when they got their arses kicked. As of the morning of September 11, Australians had supported American wars more than any other nation.

Australians welcome the best, the best pole vaulters (whatshername from the Ukraine), the best swimmers (Popov), the best boxers (Kostya, Bugner), the best tennis players (that brat with the press hating father from hell), the best athletes. But they also welcome those who come last. The "Aussie battler".

The national symbol of Australia, Fatso the Fat Arsed Wombat, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming buttocks, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built Australia. Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Centre victims included many of Australias different incorperated cultures, and languages, including those that aided and abetted the other terrorists.

So you can try to beat an Australian if you must. Sampras did. So did Nasser Hussein, and Cronje, and Bob Willis, and every bloodthirsty sportsman in the history of the world. But, in doing so you would just be beating yourself. Because Australians are not a particular people running a particular place. They are the embodiment of human spirit of obsessive compulsive sports-love. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an Australian.

[ 07-04-2002, 06:41 AM: Message edited by: Yorick ]

Nicely written, even though I never really feel comfortable with all these patriottic kind of articles... Leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Though I think you could write something similar for most civilizations in the world, just omit the bad parts (that horrible Prime Minister of yours comes to mind) and you're all set. ;)
Oh, and Krajicek has beaten an Australian yesterday as well. Har har. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

EDIT: Ah, I see it was a parody on LadyZekke's post... Nice. :D

[ 07-04-2002, 06:53 AM: Message edited by: Grojlach ]

Dead on thanks Yorick. [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img]

And Tito Ortiz beat Elvis Sinosic in the UFC [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Go Yorick!

that'll show 'em

Did you even read it? It's not a parady on Lady's post. It's using hers as a template to take the piss (patriotically) out of my own country!

Oh and to give a serve to England of course.... :D :D Never one to miss that opportunity. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 07-04-2002, 07:01 AM: Message edited by: Yorick ]

Yeah man! WE ROCK!

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE

No wukken furries mate. ;)

Did you even read it? It's not a parady on Lady's post. It's using hers as a template to take the piss (patriotically) out of my own country!
</font>[/QUOTE]Actually I did... I didn't really like the tone of it though, until I noticed LadyZekke's post and I finally understood your post. That's why I edited my message later on. [img]smile.gif[/img]

You had me interested until you mentioned Bugner. :D

BTW - nobody mention Uruguay!

Hehehe, Oi Oi Oi

er.. Yeah that should do it.

Well he's the "Aussie battler" that came out Hungarys bottom via an English colon. [img]smile.gif[/img]

And yes I know I'm a guy.

Oh yes sorry. It's called subtlety. Next time I'll use a brick. Right Donut?

Yorick, you are living dangerously now mate! :D

I know where you will be in a couple of days! ;)

I think I can get down there and give you a smack on the head if you like to that is! :D

But first I have to tell you how to axe a Scandinavian! :D

Alright then, I'll axe you.

How do you axe a Scandinavian?

Alright then, I'll axe you.

How do you axe a Scandinavian?</font>[/QUOTE]Hehehe! :D
Well first you need an axe, plant your feet steady on the ground, and then you try and hit him hard, cause if you miss, you are next! ;) LOL!

:D Or you can buy me a beer mate! :D

Well he's the "Aussie battler" that came out Hungarys bottom via an English colon. [img]smile.gif[/img]

And yes I know I'm a guy.</font>[/QUOTE]Mmmm. Interesting that you chose to omit the 'A' rather than the 'U'. :D

Mmmm. Interesting that you chose to omit the 'A' rather than the 'U'. :D </font>[/QUOTE]Er, Donut....I see an A and a U in "a guy". ;) What are you saying?

Oh, I thought you were talking about how Ygwie Malmsteen does his chops with his axe...... ;)

Careful Wolfie, we Aussies stick together :D - besides, Yorick is buying the first drink - he will hit the bar 20 mins before me - just have the first one set up buddy ;) .

LOL!

:D
You use glue for that???

Yngvie Malmsten... URRRRKK! Dreaded memory, get out of my head!! NO MERCY!!! ;)

Don't worry about the aussies Wolfie - I'll be there to back you up. Er, I just remembered I'll be at a different airport. Good luck Wolfie! :D

But I'll be there too - guess I'm not substantial enough to make a difference [img]tongue.gif[/img] :D

[ 07-04-2002, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: Melusine ]

You won't be in the bar Mel and neither will Wolfie ;) - you will both be back at Moiraine's, already having snaffled all the best places to sleep. Us "trip two-ers" won't get to meet you "trip one-ers" for another couple of hours.

But I'll be there too - guess I'm not substantial enough to make a difference [img]tongue.gif[/img] :D </font>[/QUOTE]*too very bad rap song...*
If you hit high hit them, and I hit them low hit them low... ;)

Hehe! :D

I have a mean weapon up my sleeve ;)

LMAO Wolfie!!
[img]graemlins/1disgust.gif[/img] Thanks a lot, I just KNOW I'll have that song in my head for the rest of the day :D

But it's a deal, teammate! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

I don't have a problem with that. It gives Davros the chance to buy me a pint [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img]

Yorick I thunked it only took a stick to beat an Australian :D Now you're telling me I got to use sports :D

Bumping for Wendy... [img]smile.gif[/img]

OI what a parody!

Woohoo, go aussies. We have got to stick together now where is the bar?

My little speech: (trumpets play national anthem in back ground)
I dont like Celine Dion. Although i know Bazza and Shazza from Whoop Whoop they are not as bad as you think. I am ruled by a rich white prime minister, not a rich white president. I dont know French but can speak fluent American. And I ponounce it a Boot not a big shoe. I can proundly sew my countries flag on my backpack, because no-one realises we are just as guilty for the fate of the third world and everyone blames America. When i am at home i realise that i had better not protest against deforistation without risking a facce full of pepper spray and a criminal record. I beleive in keeping peace even if it means killing some teenagers for fun. I belive in turning back boatloads of Afganistan immigrants, a failing health system and lame late night cable. I beleive the French whine about everything, the English should apologise and that it is pronounces zed not zee. Australia is the worlds largest island, the best Rum and meat pie makers and the best part of the Southern Hemesphere. My Name is Shadowhound and i am proud to be Australian.
(/trumpets)

[ 07-05-2002, 01:26 AM: Message edited by: shadowhound ]

Where are you from Shadowhound? Which part?

<font color=pink>Well, the only aussies ive met in person are my grandma and great grandma, plus some guys who were over here for the snow season :D . But anyway, the aussies ive met here are all bitchin peeps, so long live Australia! :D </font>

Bundaberg QLD.

A bitchin peep. Well there you go. :D

Bundaberg QLD.</font>[/QUOTE]Aaaah, the home of the bestest brew in all the world - BUNDY ;) - and also the friendliest women folk too :D .

Bundaberg QLD.</font>[/QUOTE]Sugarcane land. Very pretty up there. I've been through there. Stayed at a friends house out in the country somewhere nearby. Has a studio out whoop whoop. :D

Bundaberg, Mackay right up to Cairns is a great part of the world.

[quote]Originally posted by Davros:

Quote:

Aaaah, the home of the bestest brew in all the world - BUNDY ;) - and also the friendliest women folk too :D .

So true, the fnest brew ever created and a lot of the La femmes are very nice as well.

Yes Yorick it is very beautiful, if you are passing through, but being stuck here is like torture lol.

Hey Yorick - Mackay is what I call home - first 25 years of my life in that place. Been to Bundy a few times, and always keen to go back. Thay have two nice golf courses, and the nectar of the gods and the babes of course ;) .