Who's your mentor,who have you always looked up to and could count no matter what,who was there to pick you up when you fell?I just would like to give a special thanks to my brother Dwanye,He was always there for me,no matter what.He was always willing to teach me something new.I will always remember the way he would look at me like this [img]graemlins/saywhat.gif[/img] with out the twitchy eye.I am very young compared to him,me and him are 12 years apart(I'm 11 and he's 23 i think i got that right).Who have you always looked up to?

<font color="gold">Umm, let's see..... Memnoch, Ziroc, Sazerac..... :D
No, just kidding.
I dont know if there is a person which I've always looked up to, but there are pretty many people I feel fond to, and can really talk to. [img]smile.gif[/img] </font>

That's got to be my grandmother. She's strong willed, clever, down to earth and very family oriented. She was one of 13 kids and as one of the oldest she looked after he brothers and sisters. They grew up on a farm and after she got married to my grandfather she worked in a tannery until her health declined (strokes).

I've always thought she was a fantastic woman, mother and grandma. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 05-11-2002, 11:44 PM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]

My mentor is the iron. It has been my only constant companion since high school. I have had friends and family come and go through my life,I have jumped from girl to girl in a never ending search for the perfect relationship, I have had so many jobs my resume looks like a set of encyclopedias, but since I was in 10 grade I have ALWAYS gotten to the gym to work out everyday. Iron and weights dont lie, they dont go on head trips , they dont judge , they just are. Working with the iron will give you a great perspective because after the 100th girl has told you that "Your the only one" and then left you for someone else, you can go to the gym and know that 200 lbs will ALWAYS be 200lbs. After you work out for a while your body will change and no one can take that from you. You dont have to apologize or worrie about what a set of weights thinks about you. You can truly be yourself and just lift and growl and sweat. Going to they gym has cured me of depression,anxiety,envy,trash talking,fear, and a few other mental defects. The Iron has been my best and only friend for so long that it is the only thing I can honestly name as my mentor.

Sigh... Headhunter.. that's kind of sad! :( I have had boyfriends leave me for others too, but I can't imagine not having my current one in my life or my friends and family. Sometimes people let us down, that's true, but love and happiness aren't necessarily easy or cheap.. sometimes we finally achieve them after the heartbreak or pain is fought through and companionship, friendship, love, trust.. well they are all pretty nifty things to have and experience!

Sorry, your post just seemed so sad to me. Guess it's late at night and I'm in sentimental mode! [img]smile.gif[/img]

You know Cloudy, I'd have to take The Hunter's view on this. I have someone in my life (Love you , Jo !!!) and I have always had a wonderful, supportive family & friends. BUT, I believe that many people rely on others as a crutch. Now, I'm not putting ANYONE down, but the IRON forces you to rely on yourself.

My experiences as a youth proved this to me. My family loved me, but ultimately, it was up to me to get past my paralysis and learn to walk. When it's only you and the bar, the lines in the sand are drawn, and are clear. It's only you against yourself. and the Iron judges you.

After years of therapy, I continued working out for years. I only stopped when I broke my back.

The Iron is a hard mentor (heh, a pun), but it's fair, and ALWAYS objective. It never lies... and makes you quit lying to yourself.

you know, Henry Rollins wrote an essay that echoes The Hunter's words closely.

<font color = lightgreen>My grandmother, who unfortunately had to go home to my grandfather back in October (if you know what I mean). She was always honest, truthful, almost never got angry/upset (or at least dealt with it very quietly), tried to make sure everyone was happy and doing well. She also never gave up or got lazy--she would make everyone nervous when, at 74, she was up on the roof cleaning the gutters! [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] I strive to be even half the person she was; fortunately, I succeed (well, most of the time [img]tongue.gif[/img] ).</font>

Are you a Henry Rollins fan by any chance? He pretty much says the exact same thing in one of his interviews [img]smile.gif[/img] And it's true, sometimes it's best to keep your mind on a task/goal rather than a person... sometimes.

Its odd..

I have alot of people who would make great mole models, and graet people to look up too.

First, there is my dad. Doesnt talk much, when he does its usally worth hearing. hard working, honest, smart. He has taht aura of mystery about him...But thats the thing, are dads really spouse to have an aura of mystery about them?

Then there is my brother (half) who is, in alot of ways, completey oposite of my dad.

Hes a pretty chrismatic guy. Smart, we have alot in common as far as general likes and dislikes go. So that would be good to serve as a role model. But I dont really see him enough, I see him about once or twice a week.

There is a handfull of other figures in my life that I could consider 'looking up too'. I dont know though.

I havent really been able to really look at them that way.

And the worst part is..

I think my younger cousens look up to me as a role model, witch I really dont like [img]smile.gif[/img]

My dad was friends with the weight lifting coach at my high school in hawaii and we were able to have that whole weight room to ourselves after hours. The iron helped with depression and self esteem and I feel the need to leave one last message to it [img]smile.gif[/img] ......I miss you iron and theres something I have to tell you...We were apart for so long and I have my needs....his name is cardio. Im so sorry iron [img]graemlins/crying.gif[/img]

[ 05-12-2002, 05:16 AM: Message edited by: caleb ]

freddie heineken.

Azred, I hear you! LOL, my grandmother has a very strong work ethic and even now when she's a bit frail physically, she does more than she should.

Rudy, all I can say is I'm definitely disagree to some extent. I mean, being independent enough to get through the rough times alone is fine, but as far as I'm concerned, a committed relationship and a significant other means sharing, compromise, love and a natural interdependence in some areas. It means that although you are assuredly still two individual people you are connected to one another in a very big way. I cannot for the life of me imagine a relationship surviving and growing if one partner (or both) holds back and says "I can only trust myself". I don't see love/trust/committment/caring as a crutch, but as a tool for making me a better person. True there will always be exeptions to the rule and those who do get overly dependent are just that. But it's true that anything can be done to excess, even pumping iron. ;)

Trust is hard won and grievous to lose, but it is the backbone of solid and lasting relationships. Sure, I depend on myself to get me up for work in the morning.. but then my sweetheart is a late sleeper! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Anyway, I'm off to church now, I'll check in later. :D

I may have written my part a bit badly. I am not saying that weights are my mentor. My mentor's have changed throughout my life. BUT, I am saying that you don't have the right to belittle The Hunter's opinion, which your comments DID. I was pointing out a personal experience to validate it.
I understand your point about relationships. I RARELY am away from Jo, we are even building our business together. We are apart less than a couple of hours most days. I love her, and respect her.
BUT, this discussion is not about relationships. It's about a MENTOR. Someone who is a teacher, a coach and a leader.
I love your example about your grandmother. As often as you've mentioned her, it's obvious she shaped and influenced your life. She is a TRUE mentor.
The Hunter's choice is as valid as those who claim Christ as their mentor. ( a survey done by a Christian businessman's association here in Dallas recently said that 65% claimed Christ or the Lord as their mentor) I used to believe that a mentor would have to be a real life person nurturing me, but have changed my idea. I would have to agree that inanimate objects, books, and historical figures can be, and for some - ARE, mentors. Fortune magazine has said that YODA (the muppet!) is the most mentioned name in mentor list of the world's top executives.
I could name several major influences in my life, but my life-long mentor would have to be my mother, Felipa Hovey (1938-1998). (may she rest in peace)

[ 05-12-2002, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: RudeDawg ]

RudeDawg, just setting the record straight, I've not belittled anyone's opinion, and if you read it that way, it's incorrect. The Hunter seemed bitter at personal relationships (leaving him etc)in general. In addition, I truly feel bad for anyone who cannot claim a connection to another human being in some mentoring fashion in their lives. I think it's an empowering experience and wish everyone had their version of it. That's not belittling, it's simply relaying a feeling engendered by a situation related to me. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Yes, my grandmother is a mentor in my book. No doubt most of us could find several people that have influenced our lives if we think long enough.

Now, I do have to admit, I've never been into weight lifting so I can't say how the experience would be for myself, but it sounds like you and the Hunter have very positive feelings in that respect. [img]smile.gif[/img]

I'm glad to hear you and Jo are happy, too. It's a wonderful thing to find someone you can relate to on that level. [img]smile.gif[/img]

A mentor... hmm... aside from the iron (yes, I spent a lot of time with weights myself) I would have to say my best mentor is nature.

Nature teaches with cycles, with survival and with endurance. Many times I have hiked with my doggie and learned lessons taught outside of a classroom.

There have been many books that I have thought well enough of to call an influence as well... but people have never been good mentors for me. They aren't consistent enough.

Belatedly, a mentor to me is something/one you learn from that shows you the truth. There are lessons in life that cannot be taught by anything other than experience. Be it experiencing your body's limits or your mind's. A mentor is something/one who pushes you to your limit and helps you discover who and what is inside. That is a mentor to me. I know my idea isn't anyone else's - nor would I wish it to be. We all need to find our truths in a way that is meaningful for us. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Druish American Princess

<font color="cyan">I'd say myself.

I always pick myself up, and don't burden others with my problems. That's not fair.....you make them feel guilty, and you WANT off of them, no matter how small or insignificant, attention, money, sympathy.

When I need to learn something, I go out and teach myself.

Too many people want to borrow off other people, stability, and things like that. And even when they do get it, they never took it from that person. It's always inside them in the first place....They just don't want to look.</font>

For me, that would be two people. The two people who took me under their wing when i first started out in sports. They didn't have to do it but they still taught me a lot. They took a young inexperienced guy and played tournament after tournament with him and showed him what he had to do.

@ Cloudy
I do undestrand Hunter's views because if you are doing a sport, wether it be an individual or team sport and wether it is at a competitive level or not, they basically teach you not to trust anybody. Of course if you play a team sport, like i do, you have your teammates and you have to trust them to do their job. What i'm saying is that they teach you to always go out from your own abilities and not worry about the rest. If somebody else screws up, it's on his head. If you screw up, it's on yours. So you better make sure you don't screw up. I'm not saying that you have to be bitter if someone makes a mistake but if it happens you shouldn't and can't blame yourself.

Did that actually made sense ?

<font color="cyan">Ok, I have just re-read the thread. Cloudy, I do agree with Rude's opinion.....you did sorta slate Hunter's op.

I don't know how you can say that relying on yourself is sad. It is the best way. I love my gf Stacey, and have been with her for over a year now. I trust her. But I don't trust her with everything. She can be trusted, but I don't always place my trust in her.

I prefer myself. Also, my above point was proven: you said: "I feel bad for someone who can't find a connection"(or something similar). Who said that he/she wants your sympathy? Offering unwanted sympathy can make someone feel very small, especially if they don't feel that it is warranted. I think that your comments are unjust, when this is an opinionated matter.

I myself have never been a fan of the gym, but if that person feels that there mentor is the Iron, so be it. It is their choice. After all, the question that was posed was : "Who is your mentor?". If they say the Iron, then the Iron it is. I think that it should be left at that, and for you to comment on how that person cannot find a companion either as a partner or a friend is totally out of order. I have many friends, and have had many gf's, but the best place for your problems, is with you (or an inanimate object such as "the iron"). Not burderning anyone else.</font>

my mentor is history for i have learned to not repeat the mistakes of the past...

I find that no one (aside from family member type role models) really measures up to what a true mentor should be. They always come up short. You really should only concern yourself with yourself is what I have learned from all my supposed "mentors". Nice, huh?

I agree with the others here (sorry Cloudy). The iron is the one constant in my life. Family and friends can come and go but the iron is always there for me.

Every Sunday night I turn to the iron and ask 'wanna work out?' Then I start, first the front, then the back, then the sleeves and finally the collar. Seven shirts to last the week.

I only ever had one argument with the iron and that was when some idiot phoned me while I was ironing. My ear was very badly burnt. But MAN, that iron was HOT!!!!

Mentors? If theres a person thats taught me more about life than anyone else..I'd say it'd be God. If you're looking at a more human figure, it would be my father.
In the end though, learning comes only from within. Nobody can force another person to learn.. so I guess I'd have to take credit for that too [img]smile.gif[/img]

I dont do weights but I do something close to it: I swim. I swim for sport, I swim for pleasure, I swim for the school, but most of all I swim for myself. I went in, and convinced myself that nobody could call me weak for not trying my best. I ended up going for swimming training every day to push myself even further knowing that it only gets better. Sorta changed my perspective on things like studying..because no matter how I do, nobody can say I didnt try [img]smile.gif[/img]
So that would be a mentor as well, if you look at it that way.

Hmm, been much of a lonewolf, trying to get by on my own. I have had supporting parents though that has always helped me if I have need of it, but I have made my own way pretty much. My misstakes and nobody elses.

So no mentor in my life.

God, with nature second.

ROTFLMAO @ Donut.... Gods... don't you ever run out of inspiration? ;)

And Lavindathar, the way you phrase your opinion is just as definitive/authoritative as Cloudy's: "the best place for your problems, is with you (or an inanimate object such as "the iron"). Not burderning anyone else."
You are comdemning those who "burden others with their problems" just as much as Cloudy feels sorry for those who can't ever connect to others.

With the material I'm given here Mel. I think not! :D

Oh what the heck, MARRY ME, DONUT! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

You are truly scaring me, my delightful brekkie dish... that theme hit my warped little mind on impact with the word 'iron'. *giggle*

Sigh.. you simply must marry me now, you know. We think along the same lines....and you... do IRONING! [img]graemlins/wow.gif[/img]

PermanentPressCloud ;)

yorick, with all respect, how can you learn from someone or something you've never even met ?

Well other than my father no one, I was taught to believe in my self, to trust in God and the difference between right and wrong. I was also taught to be self sufficient and to work for what I wanted and not to expect anyone to give me anything. This isn't to say that I deny the charity and hospitality of friends or family, just that I do not expect it as a given, or a right. I think Mentor programs are great, I am just sad that they are needed.

Cliff Yablonski is my mentor. Dont argue and DONT step on his bushes!

Part of being a true friend is learning to share the good with the bad. If you lock your friends out for one or the other, you will eventually have no friends.

Mentor? Good question. I can't really say another person, as I've been let down way to many times by friends and family. So i've started to rely on myself. Lavithander I know exactly what you're saying, although I don't feel the same way about it.

Part of being a true friend is learning to share the good with the bad. If you lock your friends out for one or the other, you will eventually have no friends.</font>[/QUOTE]<font color="cyan">That is true too an extent, but trust me, I ain't ever gonna run out of friends. What I am saying, is I don't burden them with my problems. They just see the good happy side of me, and not the sad, depressed side of me. How can that harm a friendship?

And Mel, I suppose it did come out a little like that, in exactly the same way. When your offering strongly opiniated views, you sometimes totally miss what you yourself are saying!! OOPS!</font>

I don't trust people in general. That is why I can't say I have a mentor. I'm not prepared to open up fully to anyone, to be honest. I agree with Lavindathar on quite a few things with regards to this subject - I only really rely on myself with most things. Only if I really can't manage alone will I involve others.

Professionally I'd have to say my Manager is the only Mentor I've ever had that truly fit's the classical definition. I've worked with him for 5 years now (longer than I've worked anywhere) and he's been an honest and supportive guide through the whole time. Even with me out of town consulting on-site for the last 9 months he's always been there when I needed someone to cover my back in a tight situation (several have come up) and to give me honest feedback... whether or not I wanted it [img]smile.gif[/img] .

Personally I'm a bit of a loaner, so I don't really rely on others for "life lessons", I just as soon learn them myself. My father has been a great mentor to the extent that I've let him, and my family is a strong and supportive one... even though I'm often gone for months at a time. (in my family most members see eachother daily or weekly at worst)

yorick, with all respect, how can you learn from someone or something you've never even met ?</font>[/QUOTE]OMG. Johnny, with all due respect...you have NO idea what you have just unleashed! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

(runs for cover)

"S"

<font color="cyan">That is true too an extent, but trust me, I ain't ever gonna run out of friends. What I am saying, is I don't burden them with my problems. They just see the good happy side of me, and not the sad, depressed side of me. How can that harm a friendship?

And Mel, I suppose it did come out a little like that, in exactly the same way. When your offering strongly opiniated views, you sometimes totally miss what you yourself are saying!! OOPS!</font>[/QUOTE]

Sounds like you are mixing "aquaintences" with "friends" I only have a very few "true" friends, and many many aquaintences. But friendship like every other intimate relationship is a two way give and take. Your friends are there for the good and the bad, and you are there for their good and bad...if one of the friends hides the bad from his friend...then it becomes a lopsided relationship. Our friends are supposed to be our support structure, our MORAL/EMMOTIONAL support structure to help us deal with the hardships of life, and to share in our joys. By hiding your hardships and sadness you deny your friends the opportunity to lift you up and help you carry on, you deny them the chance to feel "NEEDED".

EDIT: Or perhaps my view of friendship has become obsolete.

[ 05-13-2002, 03:51 PM: Message edited by: MagiK ]

<font color="cyan" size="2">Your assuming too much.

Friends, and distant friends, and co-workers, and aquaintences, I class all as the same....friends.

And you mention them being your support structure....I suppose that depends on how strong the character of the person is...I don't really need a support structure.....I can take it all myself, and not let anyone know I am hurting/troubled, and it won't effect my life. I'll put it aside to a more conveniant time, as to when I can then address it.

The only time recently I have needed my friends, was when one of my really good friends died. Then I lost it. His funeral was last friday.He was only 18.</font>

I agree Sazerac. I hope the poor guy is firmly entrenched for this debate [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

yorick, with all respect, how can you learn from someone or something you've never even met ?</font>[/QUOTE]Firing the first shot here..

The same way we are made to learn lessons in school: through books, teachers, and general experience to make one's own conclusions.
Christians believe that God is ever-present, if one merely takes the choice to seek him.