<H1>The Ironworks Times</H1>
Editor in Chief: K&Z

Appearance of a "Stoned Golem" puts IW into an Uproar!

This past weekend a very 'stoned' Rikard was spotted about Ironworks, bearing the semblance of a golem. Rikard unsuccessfully tried to avoid the taunts of fellow posters, but the opportunity was too good to miss. Sessions of Rikard teasing will be open to all members on MSN and occasionally AIM. Don't miss this once in a lifetime chance!
To you newbies: (the reporter blushes as she writes this, not being present at the time she is now referring to as well) 'Stone Golem' was a rank formerly used and often the swamp of despondency for many determined posters. Only the most obstinate and spammish of members passed through 'Stone Golem Hell' unscarred, and one who found it particularly difficult was our own Rikard. We thank Ziroc for kindly removing this rank (though the reporter wishes it to be known that she would have made her way through it with thoughtful and relevant posts, of course) and applaud our good webmaster for his tact in the pun he used in its recurrence.

Rats in the Café! Health Hazard!

A recent report from the local health inspector does confirm the
suspicion that a plague of rats have infested the kitchen of the popular
Cloudy's Café, located on Main Street in the downtown section of
Ironworks. The proprietor was unable to locate for questioning, but one
waitress spoke with our reporter.
"Well, what do you expect?" the redheaded girl said. "With the manner
of folk we get in here who don't understand the meaning of no
role-playing, the rats come in hidden in people's cloaks and armor. But
we're sure to have them cleared out soon. In the meantime, make sure you
try our delicious coffee, used by the most ardent insomniacs since July
2001!"
The health inspector spoke with our reporter as well, confirming that
he has believed there to be a pestilence located in the well-frequented
café ever since he located a chocolate-covered teenager baking cookies
shaped like "lionesses".
"If Miss Cloudy lets riffraff like that into the café, there's bound to
be pests," Mr. Link said.
The public must carefully consider whether or not they should continue
their patronage of the lively place, which has been rumored to be the
scene of numerous food fights, whippings, and unnatural cloud storms. We
shall indeed see whether the café's population diminishes at the news of
this recent health hazard. Certainly the unhealthy and insane atmosphere
of this unruly place must bring to attention whether or not it is a
healthy addition to the calm and normal routine of Ironworks.

Sports

*Football wins the title of most IWer's favorite sport, although which 'football' it is remains unclear to the reporter.

*Lioness' beloved Red Sox take 3 out of 4 from Bahamut's Yankees. (The reporter would like to issue the rather immature comment of "haha!" to Bahamut and apologizes for the said comment.)

*Table dancing is renewed as a local sport in the café after a deficit for many months. Sir Jerome the Fallen-Risen Paladin, of course, still holds the position of champion.

*The Octagon, the new addition to the Role-playing Area of IW, is an arena open to all who wish to participate.

Gossip Column

*A group of unidentified young hooligans were spotted dancing upon what looked like clouds in Cloudy's Café last Sunday night. Article III, Section 713: Dancing upon clouds is not permitted within 6 feet of Cloudy's tables.
*The Lady Galadria was recently spotted fussing over a charming young fellow named Choc. Look out Attilus!
*Epona and Lord of Alcohol were recently arrested for unlawful "drilling". Trial date to be announced.
*Regin is looking for some type of beret/cap. What lady is he trying to impress now?


Return of the Throne of Scone! HADB rejoices!

In a brilliant jubilee this past week, the beloved co-leader of the
Hamlet and Dough Boy Clan returned from a long period of inactivity to
much rejoicing from his followers. The popular (and often provocative)
Pillsbury lad made his appearance among the streets of General
Discussion, being spotted at an HADB Early Anniversary celebration, and
a greeting party set up by his friend and partner AzureWolf.
The doughboy himself modestly thanked his old friend for the warm
welcome, stating, "Ah my lover you shouldn't have."
So, readers, expect a stunning rise in the activity and enthusiasm of
HADB, as well as an increased level of silliness about the forums.
Welcome back Caleb!

Personals

*Touchy, argumentative half-elven fighter/druid looking for balance-preserving man without a will who will blindly accompany her on her travels. Must not have a tendency to whistle or call people after birds.
*Ferocious redheaded feline looking for handsome, athletic shortstop playing for the Boston Red Sox. An average over .400 and 100 RBI's a plus.
*Cute little boy made of dough looking for a lover. Must like chocolate chip cookies and have overlordish tendencies.
*Huge black demonic spammer looking for a lover, preferably drow and sinister. Must not be a moderator, and have a great resistance to insanity and constant role-playing.
*Big rainbow-colored dragon looking for love. Likes barbecues and living in the land called Honalee.
*Lovely young lady all dressed in blue looking for guy named Shawn. Causing collapse into a puddle required.
*Adorably chubby and slight man looking for a lovely gnome lady who likes turnips and peppering orcs.
*Young Aussie lad looking for a mate who can deal with his ego and his frequent color-mood shifts. Can be located spamming up various cafes.

ATTN: All personals and letters to the editor should be emailed to the address within the poster's profile. The editor reserves the right to refuse the publication of any articles deemed unworthy. (Ahem...small "donations" are welcome.) ;)

[ 04-19-2002, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: Lioness ]

Very well done, Lioness! I'm guessing we're all hoping (I am, anyway) that this is mroe than a one-time publication! [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] Very nice! You're currently the top runner for my IW Member Reporter of the Year award! (well, as far as I know you're the only one, but nevermind that... ;) )

[ 04-19-2002, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: Encard ]

atomic idea Lioness. I will not post the Tales of The Rift Of Aqrena here. It is roleplaying and quite extensive.

We was framed I tell ya! Or maybe we was just drunk... mmmmm.... Now we're gonna go to jail :( No Fair! er.... will they allow... erm.. 'visits'? :D :D [img]tongue.gif[/img]

If you want to hear one of my tales, just say this: Tiamat, I allow you to post your weird parallel universes at will- or just ask for a tale.

hmm...I'll have to come up with a report on the trial, Epona. ;) You naughty girl... [img]graemlins/nono.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Yep, I'm hoping to work on this more, it was fun. I'll probably post a new one once every one or two weeks. PLEASE send me letters and personals! [img]smile.gif[/img] *snigger* Otherwise, I'll have to make them all up. [img]graemlins/evillaughter2.gif[/img] ;) And you DON'T want that. :D

You're welcome to post them, Tiamat, but please don't post them as the IW Times..*points out miniature copyright laws on teh screen* IT"S MINE! MINE! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] :D

And don't scare away my readers. ;)

SPECIAL EDITION!

Lioness has entered Beaty contest! Votes can be held in Cloudy's Cafe! [img]smile.gif[/img] j/k Lioness ;)

*stuffs Link in a jar of prune jelly* [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Beauty contest indeed?! YOu have to be cute to be in those. [img]tongue.gif[/img] NOt fewocious, like me. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Hmm... would this by any chance be referring to the "Love chat!!!" thread? Always good to know the media's sources... ;)

Hmm... now I wonder who that might be... [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 04-19-2002, 10:40 PM: Message edited by: Encard ]

*wriggles out of the jar*
So I can enter? If beautiful people are allowed? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

*enters Link in teh "quickest to be eaten by a crocodile" contest. [img]smile.gif[/img] I'm sure you'll do marvelously, old chap.

LOL, Encard, no I haven't seen any "Love Chat" posts, I got these from prior knowledge. ;)

*Runs frantically around while being chased by ten (!) fewocious crocodiles, while yelling at Lioness: what have I done to deserve this?*

Oh... I was wrong... oh, well. Just that a few of those reminded me of some stuff there. *shrug* Moo? Ah, yes... I WILL NOW SPEAK IN MY DEMONIC ALL-CAPS VOICE OF DOOM. BOW BEFORE MY AWESOME POWER! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA... (oh, and the post is at http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...;f=10;t=007580 ... very funny [img]smile.gif[/img] ) CHEERS!

hmm... [img]graemlins/1ponder.gif[/img] Claimed there were pests in teh cafe, entered me in a beauty contest, chased hot chics, and I find it amusing. [img]smile.gif[/img]

In short: it's yet another misuse of ,asculinity, or, better said; women are manipulating men on purpose: MANNOP! [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 04-19-2002, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: Link ]

LMAO at that thread Encard!!! :D :D :D

WHERE ARE YOU DONUT??? [img]smile.gif[/img]

Well, here a nice appetizer!

The Horrific Journal (this is an artifact and contains some horrible experiences!)

I will just give you the entries; you must make the horrors vivid in your own minds.....

Day 1: Me and my battalion sail to island (orc captain) Our Shaman tells us to go back; me think he scaredy.

Day 2: As we explore, shaman begins to feel dark energies throughout land.
Day 3: During night, some battalion members feel if they are being watched and are weakening in morale. Shaman says he had vision of Demogorgon and Asmodeus wandering the island.
Day 4: We venture into forest abit further. We see skeletons of probably previous idiots. We see a giant web. We see giant spider glaring at us with its 8 eyes. The spider lunges and kills 3 warriors.

Day 5: Shaman suggests we do not check out a certain mountain in fear of meeting Demogorgon or Asmodeus there. I say hes joking and we move closer and closer there.

day 6: Shaman is beginning to have more visions of Demogorgon and Asmodeus as we take each step closer to the Forsaken Mountain as idiot shaman puts it.
day 7: Several warriors and archers begin contracting strange ailments which shaman says is 'Demon's Work'. I tell shaman to have a pint of my ale.

.
.
.
(it could go on about the contractions and afflictions of Lycanthropy, Vampirism and even possession but I'll get to the climax now)

Day 38: I am the sole explorer now. Shaman has prepared boat to escort the remaining 7 (out of 34) warriors and archers out of here. I am watching................ dear gods! Shaman wasnt nutzo after all! There stands as I write....... Demogorgon! But, it isnt quite Demogorgon. It has appeared in its true form now........... it has a giant black crocodile body, with a tiger tail and a lion tail....... *tears in fear* and massive bear paws...... *more tears* and a black bear's head with red glowing eyes......with red dragon wings....... (the bear claws are of the black bear; and long, sharp claws elongegate from the paws..... (like two handed sword size) this monster is 40 feet tall(about) and there is a giant black king cobra with red eyes..... *even more fear tears* and it sees me..... it is charging at alarming rate..........

The journal ends; the orcish captain threw it out to sea and tried to escape from the island which is now called Aqrena.
The beast he saw was the Beast Of Aqrena.... and many strange creatures and sightings of demonic powers have been recorded in other journals........

Excellent thread Lioness!
Great Work!

Damn this is the best thread in a while....even better then some of mine [img]smile.gif[/img]

indeed, this is a pretty cool thread. I used to make a newspaper for my Clan, if only we'd had a Board good enough to attract attention...

:D Good work lioness!

I suppose I should toss in an add in your "paper" :D
http://members.lycos.co.uk/th8or/thi...rawnanaki3.jpg Nanaki3 has officiolly gone inaine, but we all knew that anyway, he's starting a series of websites to do nothing but host pictures ... @_@
-------------
http://img2.ranchoweb.com/images/dea...nfatigues1.jpg http://img2.ranchoweb.com/images/dea...nfatigues2.jpg

[ 04-20-2002, 08:25 AM: Message edited by: /)eathKiller ]

Almost makes me wish i'd thought of it. ;)
Well done, Nessy.

*bows*

Thanks all. [img]smile.gif[/img]

romey, you know you can still be a reporter. ;)

[ 04-20-2002, 08:30 AM: Message edited by: Lioness ]

Thanks Nessy. [img]smile.gif[/img]

(Is not about to edit through all of that)Lioness, Choc and I are (ahem) just friends. I'm trying to get to Ziroc through him. :D

LOL [img]smile.gif[/img] I see...*starts scribbling* ;)

lol good stuff lioness! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Excellent post Lioness. :D

Man she's good! Now you'll have to think of something funny to say!