What is with society and the media portraying all internet friendships as evil acts created to lure unsuspecting teens to the lair of some creepy 40-year-old who's waiting to capture and kill them. Or even just all internet relationships ending in something above, or that someone gives false information just to lure some young person into believing them to be a teen.

How dumb are the people who believe that all of them turn out like this? I told my gaming guild about IW and all the great friends I had here... they did a response like the one above, saying "Oh, they're just trying to trick you," or, "She's probably some eighty year old woman," or some such. Why does everyone believe this?

The media gives false portrayal of such things. I know this for a fact as all the time on the news we all hear about how someone was killed when they went to meet someone they met in a chat room, or how someone was missing after they went to a meeting spot. Why do none of the success stories, which are much more legion than those disasters, always make headlines? The answer is simple. Nobody wants to hear about people being happy because it makes them realize how bleak their lives are. They like hearing about how someone was kidnapped, killed, or molested. They don't like hearing about people meeting, being happy, and just having a jolly good time.

After the aforementioned guild incident, I told my family. That was about as big a mistake, as my aunt immediately began saying how she saw about ONE case on Oprah portraying one of the above scenarios and telling me that I should only talk to people I know in real life online (if anyone can see any use in the internet existing by doing that, please tell me). Nobody else in my family was supportive either. They mocked me, purposely got the names wrong and read my private conversations.

Anyways, I think I got a bit off track there. Where was I? Oh yes, why people believe such bad things about the internet. Well, I think that my thoughts can best be summed up by a couple of verses from "The Panama Deception" by Anti-Flag (alright, its not for these purposes originally but it works here).

Our lives reflect TV sitcoms and tragedies, by corporate choice. I ask "How many of you swallow the lies," "How many of you, do not realize..."

...And like a flock of sheep with wool over your eyes, you never stop to question you just fall into line. The media's a business that provides entertainment. Their bottom line money and stories that will make it so they run with stories that promote the lies to keep the ratings coming wealth from promoting world strife...

Life must be so easy when you dont have to think. Black and white like printing from a newspaper's ink...

and it goes on from there. Anyways, essentially what that says is that people believe whatever the media tells them about these things just because its easier. And the media isn't shy about putting these rare mishaps out there either; it keeps the audiences there, creating profit for them, so they dig for stories and if they can't find any, they'll likely make something up.

<font color="lightgreen">I agree entirely. Although we cant be sure that people on the net are who they say they are, we cant assume that none of them are. If there wasnt trust on the net, there wouldnt be happy places like IW on here.</font>

Excellent post Sephiroth! You perfectly portray what is typically happening in our modern society.

It is definately because of the negative media attention that the internet recieves that it is portrayed as a poor, dark hole where old men prey on young teens.

Of course we know that is not the case. [img]smile.gif[/img] As shown by the good friendly IW!

What we can do to fix this? I dont know. People seem set in their ways. Maybe when we grow up we will not be too hard on our children etc. who use the internet to form friendships.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SSJ4Sephiroth:

The media gives false portrayal of such things. I know this for a fact as all the time on the news we all hear about how someone was killed when they went to meet someone they met in a chat room, or how someone was missing after they went to a meeting spot. Why do none of the success stories, which are much more legion than those disasters, always make headlines? The answer is simple. Nobody wants to hear about people being happy because it makes them realize how bleak their lives are. They like hearing about how someone was kidnapped, killed, or molested. They don't like hearing about people meeting, being happy, and just having a jolly good time.
<hr></blockquote>

I don't think this is the answer at all, Seph. Yes it's true that a lot of people are wary of meeting people on the internet, and for good reason. You can't know for sure whether people are telling you the truth, and if you're planning on meeting them in real life then you do have to be careful about when and where you do it, at least initially - it's just common sense. I recently had an incident where I discovered a person who I had met on the internet and had trusted (to a certain extent), had been feeding me a pack of lies; reasonably harmless lies, but it was easy for this person to do so because I had no means to verify what was said.

However having said that, you should also be careful with people you meet in 'real life'. I don't think it would be any more prudent to go somewhere secluded with someone you didn't know who you met in real life than someone you met on the internet. People are just as capable of lying to you to your face as they are in a chat room, and it's a sad fact that most people are raped by someone that they know.

Also I think it depends on where you meet people on the internet. For example, I don't feel concerned that people here are misrepresenting themselves - why would they? It's a gaming forum, most people will never meet each other and there is clearly a wide range of ages etc so there is no good reason for people not to be honest about themselves. However if you meet people in chat rooms, like I saw one the other day for 13 year old girls only, or ones where people are actively trying to meet potential boy/girlfriends, it would be easy for people with nothing better to do to lie and lead them on, and some people find that sort of thing amusing, or worse.

And it's not true that the only picture the media paints of the internet is a negative one - I've seen many feel-good programs showing fairytale stories of couples meeting on the net and getting married in real life, talking about clubs and groups that meet on the internet and bring people together etc. Yes they don't often make the headlines, but then the news always has a disproportionate amount of bad news compared to good, that's just the way it is. It's not exactly newsworthy that, hypothetically of course ;) , a 14 year old boy from Sallisaw meets 14 year old girl from Boston - it might be interesting for those involved :D , but not really front-page stuff. And it would be irresponsible of the media if they didn't warn people of the dangers of trusting absolutely people you meet on the internet, because it is foolhardy, and lots of naive people don't understand the risks.

there's good and bad in everything.and human nature being what it is,many people just want to see the bad side of something.

Would it be SPAM if I said that I agreed fully with everything said by Seph and Aelia?

Here in Denmark just chatting is a social taboo, it marks you as a loser who can't make friends in RL, actually making a friend online will mark you as a wierdo to be mocked..... I'm actually getting that kind of treatment from my own family.....

<font color="orange">Sephorith</font>,

How ironic is it that your Gaming Guild would buy into this? I assume that they indulge in the even larger "social taboo" of Fantasy Role-Playing games. You would think that type of exposure would make them wise to the ways of the media.

That's what I find really strange about it Neb, they might mock you and say it's sad, but is it sad to be able to make new friends not just from near you, but from a huge array of different countries.
Also, on a gaming forum like IW, I doubt if many (or any) lie, and if they do, that's how many people out of 7000??
What would they have to lie about, it's not like people over a certain age or under a certain age are banned from playing BG2 is it?

<font color=skyblue>
Oh by the way Sephiroth, I have a business trip that will be taking me to your town! Wanna meet some place for a drink?

(Just a joke...sorry!)

My wife shares similar thoughts about this, but in a little different way. I can have all the guy friends I want, whether it is RL or Internet, but if I begin to talk to a girl here on IW, and it is more than a response to a question...my wife gets very angry (jealous...is a more suited term). That bugs me to no end.

By the way, Sephi...what is your address???</font>

I empathize, Seph. Whenever I mention to anyone something that happens or is said on IW, I get this *look* and then the lecturing begins about "you know what happens on those chat rooms...why just yesterday I was watching..... and this...." give me a break! and it doesn't matter if you differentiate between a forum, a list, instant messenger or chat. It seems to all be bunched in to the same questionable arena.

I realize this is a broad generalization, but a valid one nonetheless. YES, horrid things happen to people when a *predator* lies and manipulates his/her way into their lives and they trust that individual. But regardless of what the media portrays, this IMO is a tiny percentage of the internet population! I am a grown woman with a grown son---and *I* still receive well-meaning but somewhat skewed admonishments to watch myself and don't get pulled into *any* internet friendships since we all know you guys are really a roomful of sick men who want nothing more than to abuse me! :rolleyes:

Do I have any concerns with my children on the web? YOu bet! I refuse to allow my daughter to answer ANY e-mails from unknown sources--and I monitor all activity, period. Even with the boys, I question who they correspond with and NO personal info is allowed out (home address, meetings set, anything even remotely resembling). And while I do not portray myself as infallible, I think I am a little more able to spot something questionable than they...if for no other reason than I have met and dealt with a lot more people than they!

IW is probably one of the safest places on a whole than most other sites...and that is saying a lot! But it is safe because we all purposely make the effort to make it so.

All in all, IMO, the media is doing what it does so well--taking a legitimate concern and blowing it so far out of proportion as to be nearly unrecognizable. It is a case of Big Brother-ism rearing it's head from an unexpected source.

I have something to say here -

Meeting people on the internet is NO DIFFERENT than meeting someone in a pub, a shop, or any other place. You don't know whether someone is telling the truth when you speak to them queuing behind you in the supermarket. You don't know if you are giving your details to a stalker when you open an account at the bank. The only difference is that in RL it is more difficult for a 20 year old man to pretend to be an 80 year old woman - but there is still plenty of face to face deception.

The vast majority of violent crime is carried out by someone who was close to the victim, most usually a family member. More people die or are badly injured at work because their jobs are dangerous than because of some stranger attacking them. You have to put it in perspective. If you meet someone from the internet, take the same precautions as you would meeting anyone you didn't know well - and tell people where you are going, when you will be back, and how you can be contacted.

A scary story. The serial killer Dennis Neilsen used to work in the Civil Service. He was active in the union - my union. He used to go to union conferences, the same ones I now go to. OK, I'm too young to have known him personally - but plenty of people that I know remember him and even used to socialise with him at his house which was down the road from where I live. He was eventually caught, but of course none of the people that knew him well enough to go drinking with him, or go have tea at his house, none of these people that I know, ever suspected that he was a violent mass murderer. Face to Face interaction is NO guarantee of safety or honesty!

<font color = lightgreen>There are positive stories about people meeting via the Internet, I can assure you. I am one.

My girlfriend and I met each other 2 years ago over the Internet. In that time, 4 other relationships around us have dissolved into nothingness while ours remains strong. I suppose that is becuase we met each other while talking and we continue to talk with each other daily (albeit face-to-face, but you don't hear me complaining :D )

Anyway, use the same caution you would in the real world and you should keep yourself relatively safe, but there is no reason for the hysterical paranoia you hear on the radio or see on TV about Internet relationships in general.</font>

I totaly agree with you. Why does the media talk about teens that way. Most teens aren't that stupid and wont get to involved. Especialy if they live thousands of miles away. But I wil admit there are some pretty dumb people out there. That's for sure.

Our own Wyvern, moderator of Wizards & Warriors forum, met her husband (Smylin' Dragon here at IW) 20 years ago on Compuserve. They've been happily married for almost 20 years now.

As I said before, one mustn't believe everything one reads...or hears. P.T. Barnum was an optimist. ;)

[ 03-01-2002: Message edited by: Sazerac ]</p>

There is a saying I believe to be pertinent here: Only believe half of what you hear and treat half of that as hearsay and with a grain of salt.

My thoughts on this.I know there are people out there who aren't exactly who (what) they say they are,i'm not naive.I've heard stories of people who've been swindled by someone they met on the internet.
I alsoknow friendships were made through this medium.As for myself,i am very choosy over who gets to know me better.I have met someone in RL once who i first contacted through the internet,and i had a wonderful day.Unfortunately,that contact faded away,but i still feel good i judged that person right.I think in all fairness i can say if someone can be trusted or not.So far,i haven't been wrong,and i hope i never will.I have a great contact with someone at the moment ;) and it feels very good.But like i said,for me starting friendships on the internet are rarities,but possible.

Cerek, I've noticed that my guild former buddies are awful hypocritical. They never question what's told about any of the members, but all of a sudden when it makes me happy its all wrong...

Larry, it'd depend on if your serious or not... im a reckless teen and will inform, though ;) .

exactly Epona. Nobody can be certain of the truth in real life either, only of looks and, to a degree, age.

Azred, I was referring to media. Not to take away from your achievement, of course [img]smile.gif[/img] .

Actually Nanaki, I have... errrm... gotten involved in recent times. The bad portrayal of them in the media does enrage me though, and im sure that it does everyone here too.

Garnet, myself and my fellow left-wingers in Sallisaw have a saying like that: Believe half of what you see and nothing that you hear. I use it on the media all the time [img]smile.gif[/img] .

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Larry_OHF:
<font color=skyblue>


My wife shares similar thoughts about this, but in a little different way. I can have all the guy friends I want, whether it is RL or Internet, but if I begin to talk to a girl here on IW, and it is more than a response to a question...my wife gets very angry ([i]jealous..</font><hr></blockquote>

Attalus told me about this one and I tried to get him to respond but he wouldn't. Larry, do you mean that your wife gets jealous of TAO and Garnet and I??? Hmmm. More blackmail opportunity.

Aww... Larry, do tell your wife that most of the ladies you talk to are attached. ;)


Well, for the record, I met Nachtrafe online and we've talked (voice) and met in person and he's moving out here this summer. So, I can vouch for good, honest people being out there. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Cloudy

The mass media, especially TV News is all about SCARING you!! You will never find anything positive in the mainstream media!!!

You can watch any evening news program you like, and absolutely every story is designed to make you FEAR!

Of course, the exception to this is about the kangaroo that got loose in residential Melbourne, or the feel-good "Wednesday's Child" that they show here in Chicago about how some sad kid needs a foster parent.....

So, of course, when it comes to the internet and relationships that are found on-line, the only thing that NBC, CNN etc can come up with is some story about predators on-line and how the internet is BAD. Just when I was a kid and there were stories on TV about how playing D&D and listening to heavy metal meant you were somehow a devil worshiper.

My attitude towards anything I see on TV news is 'yeah, whatever... just get on with the sales pitch and let me see the Cubs....'

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Garnet FalconDance:
There is a saying I believe to be pertinent here: Only believe half of what you hear and treat half of that as hearsay and with a grain of salt.<hr></blockquote>


I agree, with you on that point.

Often wonder, if things that were really important would get taken care of. If the Media, would report on health care or education. Instead of showing the negitive responces.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SSJ4Sephiroth:
Azred, I was referring to media. Not to take away from your acheivement, of course [img]smile.gif[/img] .<hr></blockquote>

<font color = lightgreen>I know. The media hypes this sort of thing up because of a few bad examples that do unfortunately happen. On the other hand, I think most of those folks who get into disastrous situations or relationships which arise from the Internet would most likely have gotten into the same trouble without it. :D </font>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Azred:


<font color = lightgreen>I know. The media hypes this sort of thing up because of a few bad examples that do unfortunately happen. On the other hand, I think most of those folks who get into disastrous situations or relationships which arise from the Internet would most likely have gotten into the same trouble without it. :D </font><hr></blockquote>

Perfect way of summing it up Azred.

But one must wonder what we do about it?

I've had drinks and discussion while gazing at a killer view of Sydney Harbour with Memnoch.

I've had a Cider and great discussion with Donut (son of Donut).

I've stayed with Moiraine and her family, shared fine food fine wine and much conversation, while receiving such generosity from two of the most generous open people I've met.

I've stayed with Stealthy and his wife and seen areas of Scotland I never would have otherwise seen, again having wonderful conversation.

I've stayed with Melusine and Sebastian, and ambled down an Amsterdam canal on a barge in deep discussion with an enthralling individual.

I've played cricket, drunk cider, conversed, watched films, gamed and had a rollicking time with Nick and Slackerboy in Tennesee. I even shot a gun for the first time in my life.

I've conversed on the phone with Cloudy, Wendy and Reeka, and found each wonderful human beings whom I'll eventually meet.

I can wholeheartedly say that the internet was a place where I met people who enriched my life. Where real friendships were forged that would never have been formed otherwise.

With each new person I took the risk that there could have been a negative situation. I was a stranger in a strange land in every case except with Memnoch. However as Stealthy put it. There were plenty of witnesses. ;) More so than when I went to a new musician friends house today. Meeting new people entails risk. Heck, I met a woman on a plane when I went to England last year, and she invited me to her house to stay. Way more risky than someone you converse with over time online. For her and me.

It worked out fine.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Scholarcs:
But one must wonder what we do about it?<hr></blockquote>

<font color = lightgreen>We? [img]graemlins/1ponder.gif[/img] We?

"We", both the community here on IronWorks and my own cozy little community at home, will do nothing except enjoy the fine company which we have come to know. I see no reason to even bother responding when someone says "the Internet is full of lurking closet molesters" or some such nonsense; instead, I just [img]graemlins/dontknowaboutyou.gif[/img] and move on.</font>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Yorick:
I've had drinks and discussion while gazing at a killer view of Sydney Harbour with Memnoch.

I've had a Cider and great discussion with Donut (son of Donut).

I've stayed with Moiraine and her family, shared fine food fine wine and much conversation, while receiving such generosity from two of the most generous open people I've met.

I've stayed with Stealthy and his wife and seen areas of Scotland I never would have otherwise seen, again having wonderful conversation.

I've stayed with Melusine and Sebastian, and ambled down an Amsterdam canal on a barge in deep discussion with an enthralling individual.

I've played cricket, drunk cider, conversed, watched films, gamed and had a rollicking time with Nick and Slackerboy in Tennesee. I even shot a gun for the first time in my life.

I've conversed on the phone with Cloudy, Wendy and Reeka, and found each wonderful human beings whom I'll eventually meet.

I can wholeheartedly say that the internet was a place where I met people who enriched my life. Where real friendships were forged that would never have been formed otherwise.

With each new person I took the risk that there could have been a negative situation. I was a stranger in a strange land in every case except with Memnoch. However as Stealthy put it. There were plenty of witnesses. ;) More so than when I went to a new musician friends house today. Meeting new people entails risk. Heck, I met a woman on a plane when I went to England last year, and she invited me to her house to stay. Way more risky than someone you converse with over time online. For her and me.

It worked out fine.<hr></blockquote>


Nice post dear Bard, very nice. [img]smile.gif[/img]


Cloudy

I've been pretty lucky, meeting wonderful people over the Internet.
However, I think there's no harm in being cautious when getting to know people whom I do not have face-to-face contact with. I'll share my secrets, thoughts and experiences with anyone, when I feel comfortable doing so - regardless of whether he or she is an Internet or RL friend.

As for what others think about Internet friendships, I wouldn't bother too much over their views. Obviously, they mean well, but they may not be familiar with the actual circumstances of the friendship, since they are not in the same situation as myself.