Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their
sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Six

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss
me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you
want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told
you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an
engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog...... that's cool."

Even better than your heaven and hell thread.

LOL - great jokes. It wasn't that long ago that I couldn't spell Engineer - now I are one :D .

And as for your "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it" quote - you wouldn't believe how much I despise that saying. How the hell are you going to find out how something ticks if you take that attitude - you have to play with things to find out what will break them.

And one last thing - I hate slow play on the golf course - that Engineer made a perfectly sensible suggestion to me :D .

Thanks for the jokes. I'll have to pass them around to my fellow budding engineers.

Here is another joke for engineers.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist,"everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Davros:
LOL - great jokes. It wasn't that long ago that I couldn't spell Engineer - now I are one :D .

And as for your "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it" quote - you wouldn't believe how much I despise that saying. How the hell are you going to find out how something ticks if you take that attitude - you have to play with things to find out what will break them.

And one last thing - I hate slow play on the golf course - that Engineer made a perfectly sensible suggestion to me :D .<hr></blockquote>

The quote "If it ain't broke, Don't fix it" applies not to finding out how something works, but to those idjits who make changes just for the sake of making a change rather than useing their brain to see if the change is needed! I can't tell you how many times some goofball has patched a perfectly operating system, only to find out that the patch wasn't researched enough and ended up introducing fatal flaws and days of customer outage....If it ain't broke! Don't Fix it!

Personally one of the best pieces of advice I ever got on being an engineer came from none other than Scotty from Star Trek. It came when he was making a walk-on appearance on ST-TNG and was talking to Jordie Laforge about being the chief engineer... he said something along the lines of "Listen laddie, if you want the captain to think you're a wonder you need to double all your time estimates for everything you do... then when the captain is in a pinch you can get the job done in half the time... instant miracle worker! [img]smile.gif[/img]

It's always better to fight for a longer schedule than to try to hit an overly agressive deadline and miss. At the very least if you can't hit the schedule you can point out that you TOLD them that they're schedule was unrealistic in the BEGINNING! [img]smile.gif[/img]

I have to say engineering is just about the funnest job a person can have... the pay's not bad either.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MagiK:


The quote "If it ain't broke, Don't fix it" applies not to finding out how something works, but to those idjits who make changes just for the sake of making a change rather than useing their brain to see if the change is needed! I can't tell you how many times some goofball has patched a perfectly operating system, only to find out that the patch wasn't researched enough and ended up introducing fatal flaws and days of customer outage....If it ain't broke! Don't Fix it!<hr></blockquote>
As chief "meddlesome twat" overseeing a process that clears $1M profit per day I say piffle and poppycock (well to some extent anyway) [img]tongue.gif[/img] . Of course there are times when you need to settle the plant down and hold on to the process sweetspot, but celebrate your variability too for it is that which can be learnt from. Always seek to improve your knowledge of cause and effect. The past 2 months is a costly lesson to our plant that you shouldn't just expect anything to change in your historical relationships.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Thoran:


I have to say engineering is just about the funnest job a person can have... the pay's not bad either.<hr></blockquote>

Your right, pays not that shabby, I enjoy it (the job), and of course CHEMICAL ENGINEERS RULE :D .

Well that is not stereotyping at all....
In fact this would be: Those that can make jokes and those who can't.
[img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

<font color=lightblue> ~clapps and does a lil' dance~ I'm about to become an Engineering student! Yes siree!!! Me, would you believe it?! ~proud look~ *peeks around* anyone have nething I should look at/investigate? ~gglz~

*tilts head* heehee great jokes!! ~beaming~ Love the management one too! ~chuckles~ If ONLY management did engineering too! Then they'd actually know what they were talking about. ~sad look and shakes head~ unfortunately too many are just filled with hot air ;)

Heehee, Imperial college london should be fun! ~happy~ London... *dreamy sigh* shopping... ~sinkz into a happy puddle contemplating my next shopping trip~


EDIT: *poutz* can't type... ~rollz eyes~ too much integration has frazzled the poor lil' brain cell which I share with my best friends.

</font>

[ 03-05-2002: Message edited by: ʆë®Ñï†Ý ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý:
<font color=lightblue> ~clapps and does a lil' dance~ I'm about to become an Engineering student! Yes siree!!! Me, would you believe it?! ~proud look~ *peeks around* anyone have nething I should look at/investigate? ~gglz~

*tilts head* heehee great jokes!! ~beaming~ Love the management one too! ~chuckles~ If ONLY management did engineering too! Then they'd actually know what they were talking about. ~sad look and shakes head~ unfortunately too many are just filled with hot air ;)

Heehee, Imperial college london should be fun! ~happy~ London... *dreamy sigh* shopping... ~sinkz into a happy puddle contemplating my next shopping trip~


EDIT: *poutz* can't type... ~rollz eyes~ too much integration has frazzled the poor lil' brain cell which I share with my best friends.

</font>

[ 03-05-2002: Message edited by: ʆë®Ñï†Ý ]<hr></blockquote>

~gigglz n grynzz~ Eternitease in the Institute of Engineers **winkzz @ U - that will liven up the playce** wot type of engibeer r u going 2 b Miss Eternitally :D . Is Avatart a gingerbeer 2???????? Now keep the language clean on dis thread- i thaought u said "integration" b4 - next thing wee no u kood b throwing terms like Laplace or Wronskian about - I warn you that NE mention of **whispers** ~Jacobi Polynomials~ (shuush) is likely to attract the high off smiting forces of the Enginerr Moderator :D .

(Oh noooooooo..... I said it - ducks head)

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Davros:


~gigglz n grynzz~ Eternitease in the Institute of Engineers **winkzz @ U - that will liven up the playce** wot type of engibeer r u going 2 b Miss Eternitally :D . Is Avatart a gingerbeer 2???????? Now keep the language clean on dis thread- i thaought u said "integration" b4 - next thing wee no u kood b throwing terms like Laplace or Wronskian about - I warn you that NE mention of **whispers** ~Jacobi Polynomials~ (shuush) is likely to attract the high off smiting forces of the Enginerr Moderator :D .

(Oh noooooooo..... I said it - ducks head)<hr></blockquote>

<font color=lightblue> ~blinkz~ the engineer moderator? *looks around* who? what? where?

*gglz* I sure hope to have oodles of fun wherever I go! ~beaming~ *noddz* make lotsa friends and play with kewl gadgets ;)

I'm gonna be an Electrical and Electronic Engineer. *excited grynz* Avvy's doing a straight Engineering course at Cambridge uni so I guess he's not specialsing at all yet. ~makes a face~ poor baby'll have to learn allllllll of engineering, even the not so fun bits.

Heh, they should make paper out of sugar cane residue ~noddz~ it's very white and fibrous. Then we could keep our trees *beaming* and I expect the processing needed after sugar cane has been processed for sugar is much less than that of processing trees. Therefore it would be more cost efficient! ~clapps~ wouldn't that be great?! Use another industry's waste as our raw material, just like breeder nuclear power stations! [img]smile.gif[/img]
</font>

[img]tongue.gif[/img]

TOP 20 ENGINEERS' TERMINOLOGIES (AS USED BY ALL CHEMICAL ENGINEERS)

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind.

2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.

4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who understood the thing quit.

9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull!

14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely.

15. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

16. RUGGED - Too damn heavy to lift!

17. LIGHTWEIGHT - Lighter than RUGGED.

18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - One finally worked.

19. ENERGY SAVING - Achieved when the power switch is off.

20. LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken.

Oh very funny

<font color=lightblue> ~rotflmclao~ that is good *gglz*

Keep these wonderful jokes coming! [img]smile.gif[/img]

wanna delete ur repeat post? :D
</font>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý:


<font color=lightblue>

Heh, they should make paper out of sugar cane residue ~noddz~ it's very white and fibrous. Then we could keep our trees *beaming* and I expect the processing needed after sugar cane has been processed for sugar is much less than that of processing trees. Therefore it would be more cost efficient! ~clapps~ wouldn't that be great?! Use another industry's waste as our raw material, just like breeder nuclear power stations! [img]smile.gif[/img]
</font>

[img]tongue.gif[/img] <hr></blockquote>


Re-use the waste streams. Great idea Sir, but (as Kryten said to the Cat) with two minor flaws. One, there are no waste streams in sugar processing, and Two, there are no waste streams in sugar processing. Now Miss Eternitease, that might seem like only one mistake, but it was such a biggy that I thought it worth mentioning twice :D .

The fibres from sugar cane processing are not waste. They are burnt in the factory boilers (instead of fossil fuels) to generate power and electrickery. The sugar mill I used to work for (ie 8 years pre University, in a hellhole responsible for making me give up Chemistry for Chemical Engineering) managed to generate all it's own power and steam, and export 10MW to the local grid. The only purchased power and fossil fuel used was in factory restart. AsI mentioned there are no waste streams from sugar processing - mud is sent back to the farms as fertiliser, molasses is sold off to ethanol and rum distilleries, and sugar is money (well sometimes).

It is a fact of some great mirth, that the compound that is the single worst chemical blight on sugar processing rate and yield is the wonder drug of a million uses when it comes to alumina manufacturing :D .

BAD Mousey, BAD, BAD Mousey - they were general engineer sayings - someone has shared a pint with Mouse-Boy, so he knows someone is a Chemical Engineer :D . Although I do recall trying a number of aproaches at work today ;) .

<font color=lightblue> ~blinkz~ ohhh oops *gglz* it's just.. after eating my sugar cane I noticed how white and fibrous the left over looked ~grynz~ well thankiees for telling me babes ~smmmooooooooooooooooooocccchheeesss~ *feeling a lil' bit less ignorant* [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]

I shoulda known as soon as I used feeder reactors as a comparison that the whole idea would go down the drain :rolleyes: oh dear... it was a "hell hole"? :eek: and u gave up chem cuz of it? ~peeps up at u~ but chem is fun....!

"It is a fact of some great mirth, that the compound that is the single worst chemical blight on sugar processing rate and yield is the wonder drug of a million uses when it comes to alumina manufacturing :D ."

*cogs in head grind to a halt* ~tilts head~ are you talking about alcohol? alumina manufacturing? what's that? How exactly do they get the sugar outtah the sugar cane? I thought glucose was fermented to make ethanol which is useful in internal combustion engines? ~confuddled~ [img]graemlins/help.gif[/img]
</font>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý:
<font color=lightblue> ~blinkz~ ohhh oops *gglz* it's just.. after eating my sugar cane I noticed how white and fibrous the left over looked ~grynz~ well thankiees for telling me babes ~smmmooooooooooooooooooocccchheeesss~ *feeling a lil' bit less ignorant* [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]

I shoulda known as soon as I used feeder reactors as a comparison that the whole idea would go down the drain :rolleyes: oh dear... it was a "hell hole"? :eek: and u gave up chem cuz of it? ~peeps up at u~ but chem is fun....!

"It is a fact of some great mirth, that the compound that is the single worst chemical blight on sugar processing rate and yield is the wonder drug of a million uses when it comes to alumina manufacturing :D ."

*cogs in head grind to a halt* ~tilts head~ are you talking about alcohol? alumina manufacturing? what's that? How exactly do they get the sugar outtah the sugar cane? I thought glucose was fermented to make ethanol which is useful in internal combustion engines? ~confuddled~ [img]graemlins/help.gif[/img]
</font><hr></blockquote>

Grynzz an winkz 4 Eternity :D . I should qualify my statement about no waste stream - typically, sugar mills produce about 15% more bagasse (the pithy fibre remains) than the amount required to generate their power and steam requirements. If plants don't have extra boiler and TA cpacity installed (let's face it, not everyone will), then they do have to find a place to dispose of that 15%.

Chem is fun, I agree, but there's no 2 much money or career path in it. The Chem course I took (designed for the Sugar Industry) exposed me to several Chem Eng subjects, and I liked those even more. When I say hellhole - it was a case of please queue up and wait for 20 years for someone to drop off th perch before we will consider you for the smallest promotion. With Chem Eng however, if I want to shift around the world I can do that relatively easily.

The single biggest blight thing - if Sugar cane is burnt, then it rains, the decomposition rate soars. Bacterial attack generates a compound that affects mud settling rate, distorts sugar crystal growth, and kills sugar / molasses iltration rates (centrifugal). That same lil beastie, in the Alumina industry, improves settling in mud and tray thickeners, and is a huge boost to filtration rate. There is almost nothing it cannot do. Oh, you refine Alumina from Bauxite, then you smelt Alumina in Aluminium (yes that last "i" is pronounced :D ).

You can ferment glucose into ethanol. The common commercial practise however, is to extract most of the sucrose that you can from your sugar cane syrup (about 60% - sell as sugar), then use the remains (molasses - 40%) as the feed source to the ethanol plant.

Sugar out of sugar cane - my u arsks a lots o questionables :D . The steps are :
1) - Shred cane
2) Squeeze out juice roller mills
3) Heat it up and hold for 40 mins to destroy natural starch
4) Add lime and heat to 104 deg C - flash back to just under atmospheric boiling point.
5) Add flocculant and settle out mud (typically soil from the farms)
6) Evaporate to syrup to increase supersaturation
7) Evaporate some more - seed with existing sugar crystals (finely grinded) and grow sugar on these
8) Seperate the sugar xals from molasses via centrifugation
9) dry xals - raw sugar :D .

Wow - long posterooney thing huh :D .

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mouse:
TOP 20 ENGINEERS' TERMINOLOGIES (AS USED BY ALL CHEMICAL ENGINEERS)

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind.
<hr></blockquote>

Pissing in the wind is an approach I haven't yet tried. Seems promising ... :D