These are from the annals of WebRPG; some of them older, but all of them hilarious and worth a read. If you have some hilarious PnP gaming stories of your own, share them here!

Cheers,

http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/saz.gif

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1. Our party's wizardess was very pregant, and while we were in a wagon on our way into the city, her water broke, so we quickly spurred on the horses, and got to the nearest town in about 10 minutes.

We rushed her to the clinic, but the midwife was already delivering a baby.

After about an hour waiting the wizardess's baby decided it had waited long enough and came out. well, the dwarven fighter, a very impatient, yet chivalrous soul went into the delivery room to see what the hold up was. What he saw was a woman with a black shawl tied tightly over her eyes and head lying motionless on the floor, a stone statue of a woman holding the living breating baby, which had snakes for hair. The fighter, knowing a medusa when he saw one, promptly fired a crossbow bolt into the baby, killing it.

He then removed the shawl from the motionless woman, she as well was a medusa. She had died during the childbirth.

Well, the wizardess just happened to have a scroll with stone to flesh on it. So she read it and the midwife took care of the wizardess. After all that was done, the midwife asked the party what had happened to her and if it had something to do with the baby, the dwarven fighter spoke up with the memorable reply, "She had her mother's eyes."

2. "Once, my brother was running a campaign in a vast plain, and we were just trying to survive the dreaded "giant praire dogs". We've never seen the things before, and we went on our way to a town, when we encountered a troop of orcs! We had little time to react, because the fabled "giant praire dog" made his appearance, but we didn't have a miniature to use for the praire dog. The DM was prepared and launched his pet hamster across the board the group of figures! The hamster ran over the orcs and the party, dealing enough damage to them to kill the orcs and to leave us wounded! It tooks us five whole minutes to stop laughing and catch the hamster!"

(My own comment here...this one was pre-BG; but perhaps it really was a Giant Space Hamster?) :D

3. "A brave but rather dumb Fighter Saw what he logicly assumed was a big Pile of jello in the hall. Rushing forward to take a big bite...Seconds later in a muffled voice "My Lips Are Stuck in the jello" Next went the hand then the other hand then one leg. The the muffled and paniced voice "Guys help I'm stuck in the jello" This was the fighters demise as the party rolled on the floor laughing and the gelatinous cube happily slurped up the fighter."

4. "In the heat of the final battle, the wizard of the group made a quick decision, yelled to the rest of the group to stand clear, and cast a chain lightning spell on the pool of water directly below the dragon. Just as the die hit the table, a large flash lit up the room from behind the recliner. One of my siblings, stumbling through the house in utter darkness, reset the circut breaker, only to reveal the family cat "Squirt" standing on the gametable, with its fur completely singed and smoking. After regaining our composure, and almost dialing 911 for multiple cases of busted guts, we checked the die roll, and to add to the ironocism, all five of the rolls were sixes, enough to finally finish off the poor sucker."

(Comment mine: I assume they meant the dragon, and not poor 'Squirt' :D )

5. "I was GMing an AD&D game where one of the party members (a thief) was stoned by a beholder. The beholder was defeated and the remaining characters hauled the statue back to town... That night, the party wizards began work with a local artificer to create a Wand of Stone to Flesh (this ended up taking many weeks of work during which the statue sat in their house). The fighter spent that first night drinking heavily in the local tavern... After a bit of "thought", he realized he hadn't done much with his hobby of painting lately. Putting two and two together to get five, he decided to paint the "dull gray" statue of his friend. (The player of the stoned character was, needless to say, not amused by this.)

Ultimately, the thief was restored, only to find himself covered with paint. He was furious! He turned to the party members and cried "What is all this paint?". The party members turned to the fighter, who blurted out "It was a spell component..?"

6. "OK, this was in a AD&D adventure and I was a PC. Our group of adventurers were hopelessly trapped in a town with little more than the shirts on our backs.

We wandered over to the Pit Fighting arena and our attention was caught by an enormously fat man with expensive looking jewerly hanging off of him.

This aroused a plan...

This little experience in the arena took us over 3 hours to play out (most of the time spent rolling on the floor laughing).

Our first plan was that my character would run by the man and yell "Free donuts by the west wall!" (the man was on the east wall, and like I said, very fat) then attack him as he was running for the wall. So I did that, and the man pulls out an arquebus and fires a quick shot in the air. "MOVE!" he yelled and immediately the entire crowd parted revealing a blank west wall... he didn't move an inch...

That plan failed...so we decided that one member would clumsily bump into the man and then we could use this as a distraction while we attack him. The member bumped into the man, but was hurled several feet back onto the hard stone floor (taking 3 points of damage) but the man didn't even notice the bump...

Another plan failed...so this time we decided to cause a distraction in the arena then attack the man while he went to check it out. It seems that several bails of hay were placed along the perimiter of the arena. So our archer fired a flaming arrow into one of the bails which in turn caught the entire perimiter on fire. The man goes to look at the commotion from the balcony and we attack. The group's theif jumped on his back and started hacking away at his double (and triple..) chins. The man lost his balance and broke through the railing, landing in the arena. The theif nearly died from the fall, but he managed to sneak away before the local militia decided to investigate the murder.

After this incident at the BEGINNING of the adventure, we could barely keep strait faces through the rest of the night!"

7. "Setting: AD&D, Forgotten Realms
Being a DM for more than 7 years, this was the most incredibly stupid thing I have ever had a player do.

A Paladin, Sampson Ramstead, found a white dragon figurine. While on the way back to the city he had the party's mage try to figure out what it could do since it was magical. The mage informed Sampson that the object had three functions, enabled by three different command words. For lack of nothing else, I informed him that the commands were Doe, Rae, and Me. Not knowing which does what, and what does wich, Sampson decided he would wait to test them at a later date. Upon entering the city and completing a very difficult adventure, Sampson and company went to a tavern. While sitting there, a freind of Sampsons who happened to be a powerful mage came over. Sampson told his freind about the figurine and pulled it from his pouch. While Sampson was holding onto the figurine, the mage asked him what it does. Being the up and mighty paladin, Sampson of course said he didn't know but it is supposed to do something when you say "Do, Rae, Me"! Well, low and behold a rather large White dragon erupted from the figurine, destryoing the small tavern and causing a major riot. Sampson, laying down on the floor with a dragon standing on his hand said, " well, at least I will be famous for something."

8. During the Time of Troubles in the Forgotten Realms magic was going awry. At the end of the AD&D module "Waterdeep" a fighter/mage PC on a roof turned around to find that the avatar of Myrkul, God of the Dead, was behind him. Reaching for his two swords the fighter/mage was dismayed to find that his two swords had been inadvertently turned to bunches of flowers by the spell he had cast a few minutes before. Holding the two bunches of flowers in his hands and watching Myrkul advance the fighter/mage mumbled.."I really hope Myrkul has hay fever!" (ps he escaped and survived..just).

9. I was playing in a game of Level 5 or so characters. On a quest to find a mercenary group that has repeatedly raided the town stealing from everyone to slaughter them, we came across a really powerful wizard bribed by the mercenaries. He casted Crystalbrittle on our swords so they shattered. So I picked up a stick from the ground and yelled to the wizard, "I WITH MY POINTY STICK WILL MILDLY ANNOY YOU!" I Then proceeded to poke the wizard excessively with the stick. It worked too! Being poked, the wizard could not concentrate on any spells, and the rest of my party huddled around the wizard and beat him to a pulp. The party got a lot of magical rings, including one that enchants your weapon to +2. So from then on, since we could not replace our weapons until we get back to town, I would shout out to our opponents, "I WITH MY MAGICALLY ENCHANTED POINTY STICK WILL MILDLY ANNOY YOU!" Miraculously we survived the quest, but I kept the stick through the entire campaign over any other weapon.

10. This is what happens when you mix paranoia with a lack of vocabulary. Remember, this story ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

The PC's were walking through a forest (I think) when they came to a large clearing. In the dead center of this clearing was a large gazebo.
PC- "Did it notice us?"
DM- "No...It's a gazebo."
PC- "I cast detect magic. Is it magical?"
DM- "No....It's..It's a gazebo."
PC- "I cast detect evil"
DM- "It's not evil. IT'S A GAZEBO!"
PC- "I throw a rock at it. Does it notice me now?"
DM- "NO! IT'S A GAZEBO!"
PC- "Fine, I attack it. Does it notice me now?"
DM- "NO!"
PC- "But it's a +4 Longsword!"

This goes on for another 5-10 minutes when the DM finally says,"FINE! You have angered the Gazebo gods. They animate the gazebo and it eats you! Role up a first level character!"

<font color = lightgreen>Something like #10 actually happened to me. As my character entered the kitchen of the inn, the stupid DM told me that a "skull lion" was in there; being a "lion" and therefore dangerous, the "skull lion" attacked me. I managed to put 3 arrows into it, took a claw rake to the chest, and groaned/limped out to the safety of the main hall, where the fighters dispatched the "skull lion". That was the most dangerous scullion I ever met! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Honest! It's true!</font>

Hi,

Saz, those are funny stories....I only played PnP a few times, but I hope fans of these games will forgive me for this story:

Back in high school I had some friends who were into DnD, but they never were that serious. I'd play with them, and they'd play a very serious game with a DM who knew his stuff, but then they'd get silly. Have the characters smoking pot (and blowing the smoke into monsters faces, getting them stoned, well you get the idea). I would sit and look through the Monster Tomes and find weird creatures that I wanted to see. So I'd ask for some God to help us (like Ra), then they'd have some female god come and seduce him, etc. Not much fun.

Frusterated, I had heard some other not so close friends of mine played Dnd, so I found them playing in a room one day at lunch. I watched em, they were TOTALLY serious and I asked if I could play.

"Well," the DM said "we dont have time to make a new character for you, but Jeff just went to the bathroom, why don't you play his Dwarf while he's gone? I mean, whats the worse you could do? You can play Dnd, right?"

"Sure!" I say, knowing inside I really don't know what I'm doing.

Anyway, we play a bit, trash a few monsters, then we encounter a "water demon". Basically, it looks like a big waterfall but its possessed or something. I start laughing. Why dont you have a zombie fried chicken come after us? A possessed waterfall?

Anyway, I decided to lob a few warhammers at the stupid waterfall, does some damage, but it doesnt die. The DM just grins at me and I get really annoyed. So, I tell one of the others to take a closer look, he falls in the phantom pool of water and the demon starts to drown him.

"Aw crap! I'll save him!" I shout, and my Dwarf jumps in the water.

The DM laughs and says "and the brave Dwarf sinks to the bottom, since he was wearing about 60 pounds of armor, including his shield. He drowns on his own, while the water demon laughs."

Another player says "Dumbass, you're supposed to TAKE OFF THEIR EQUIPMENT BEFORE YOU GO FOR A SWIM!"

"Well, that's what I meant, he'd take off this 60 pounds of armor and.."

"That's not how it works!" says the DM.

Damn it.

I decided its time to go now, and as I'm walking out the door, Jeff, the owner of the now dead Dwarf comes in. I thank the guys for the game, and while I'm running away, I can hear Jeff screaming in the back ground.

A few days later I see the DM in class and he says "by the way, all you had to do was use a purify water spell, and the demon would have died. And you killed Jeff's Dwarf for good too, we couldn't bring him back to life."

"Can I play with you guys again sometime?"

I just got a strange glance, and figured it wasn't worth it. [img]smile.gif[/img]

So, that was my first and final real DnD experience....maybe I'll try it again some day. heh. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Best

Scronan

Now THIS is the type of thread that I REALLY enjoy.
Good show, <font color="yellow">Sazerac.</font>

A good friend of mine introduced me to AD&D in college. We were friends from high school and he was a veteran gamer. He ran a "closed" campaign set in Hyboria (Conan the Barbarian's world). This allowed him to limit magic items and rules he didn't like. Our group consisted of me, my roommate, the DM's roommate, a close friend of mine, (all NEWBIES) and a couple of experienced gamers our DM knew. I played a ranger, my rommate played a druid, our friend played a cleric, and the DM's roommate played a mage. Here are some of the highlights from that campaign.

1) Around 2nd or 3rd level, the cleric had gotten a small man-shaped figurine. Since he couldn't afford to have it "Identified", the only way to learn what it did was to test it. So...one quiet afternoon...he and the druid go out behind the cleric's temple, set the figurine down, and speak the command word. The figurine transforms into a Stone Golem whose purpose is to destroy the nearest building. So he walks over and starts pounding on the temple. Neither cleric nor the druid had any weapons that would affect it, so all the cleric could do was stand by helplessly as the Golem completely leveled his temple!!! (it then returned to figurine form).

2) Our group had reached 5th level when we were sent to investigate "strange disappearances" in a neighboring town. We discovered that a vampire had taken up residence in the castle and was dining on the local townsfolk. Once again, we were seriously underpowered to fight this thing...but we never ones to let common sensed dictate our actions. We stormed the castle and fought our way through his various henchmen/underlings/etc (taking some heavy damage in the process). We finally found the vampire's coffin and decide to take NO chances. We used about 8 flasks of oil to thoroughly saturate it, threw a torch in the room, and slammed the door behind us.
When the fire settled down, we went back in...only to discover the coffin was relatively unharmed....and EMPTY!!! We made our way back upstairs and met Mr. Fangface. We were in a bit of a pickle because we only had the ranger, druid, and cleric with us..and we were all pretty beat up already (with no more healing available). The vampire saw our hesitation and made us an offer.
He said "You guys made a MESS out of my coffin, BUT...if you will go back down there, clean it up, and give it a good polishing....I'll let you walk out of here unharmed".
Another long pause, and finally the cleric yells in defiance and rushes the vampire. One hit from the vamp's weapon drops the cleric like a stone. The druid and I looked at each other and he said "I'll grab a rag!"
It was SEVERAL minutes before the DM could stop laughing long enough to tell us that the vampire honored our agreement...and even let us pick our buddy up on the way out.

3) A few levels after this, we entered another dungeon full of undead. The druid had been killed and Resurrected...but had to start as a 1st level cleric. He had finally surpassed his druid level and could use spells from both classes, so we had good spell selections.
The initial encounter contained some wights, a spectre or 2, and a GHOST. When the ghost showed up..my ranger and the mage blew our Saves and panicked. The mage tried to climb out the way we came in...but the stairs had crumbled behind us. I realized that way wouldn't work, so I took off at max speed deeper into the dungeon...ALONE. I rounded a corner and came face to face with another vampire. Since I was completely defenseless (due to panic), I resigned myself to losing a couple of levels. However, the DM rolled a 1...and the vampire missed. After a brief moment, he said "OK, it's your initiative...What do you do?"
I grabbed the vampire by the lapels of his coat, jerked him into my face and screamed "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE....IT'S RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!"...and then I took off running again. The vampire was so stunned that he didn't even bother to follow me.

3) Last (but certainly not least). Our esteemed group had finally reached "name" level and become established heroes. The cleric and druid built their own temple and my ranger became the mayor of our town. The DM's roommate didn't game with us very often. He had never taken the time to learn what the different spells would do..so he was as dangerous to the group as he was to the monsters. The DM had given him a Staff of Power to help make his character a little more playable. The command word to unleash the Fireball was BLAST (a sadistic trick by our DM, since his roommate had a habit of saying "Well, Blast" when something didn't go his way).
Well, the mage had made a rare appearance during a game. Since there wasn't much going on and we hadn't been called on any adventures, he decided to head to the local tavern...but he didn't want to drink alone. So he headed to the temple to get the cleric and druid to join him. The player who ran the cleric could be WAAAYY too serious sometimes and this was one of them. The DM told him that he and the druid were conducting a religious ceremony when they were summoned to the front door by an acolyte. When they entered the standard 10x10 foyer, they met the mage and the following conversation took place.

Mage: "Hey guys, let's go down to the tavern and get a brewwwski"
Cleric: "I'm sorry, but we're conducting a ceremony right now and can't leave."
Mage: "Awww, c'mon guys..lighten up. Now, let's go get some brewski's...I'll buy the first round."
Druid: "I'm sorry, but you heard the cleric. We are in the middle of a ceremony right now and we can't leave"
Mage: "Man...to HECK with your ceremony. Now let's go get some brewski's"
Cleric: (in an indignant tone of voice) "I suggest you leave the temple right now!!"
Mage: (realizing the futility of arguing anymore) "Well BLAAASST!"

The three of them looked like the 3 Stooges right after they tried to "de-activate" a bomb.

Gee, not enough time to type it up right now (got to go to work), but the exploits of "Bruce the Bad" need to be told in greater detail. Bruce was your typical klutz barbarian - or should I say SUPER-KLUTZ. General rules on fumbles and "hit nearest friend" didn't seem to apply to Bruce - for some reason the Las Vegas dice gods ruled that Bruce had about a 60% fumble rate. Nothing stopped a crowded bar room brawl faster than "Bruce pulls out his loaded Arbelist" - friend and foe alike knew to get the hell out. Whenever Bruce entered a fight, the whole party was suddenly very interested in not being very close to Bruce.

Will return this afternoon to immortlise some of the "Bruce exploits" in print :D .

Yes, it pretty much happened this way ;)

Bruce the Bad needed money, and he sort of needed it..... well, real bad (pardon the pun). Bruce hadn't been able to meet his monthly payment of 100 gold to the High Wazir. He had 24 hours to make good or the his magically enhanced ummm "thingy" was going to be sort of "cut orf. You could well understand that this sort of inspiration tends to result in frantic activity from any one of the male persuasion.

Bruce rushed off to the nearest inn, ready to ride his luck and turn his meager 12 GP into some gamblin winnings. Why Bruce thought that his luck would turn and that he could with impunity spit in the eye of Fate no one will ever know. The place was packed with Dwarven kin - all drinking and lustily singing. You know the sort of thing, "GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD....", or is that the dwarven marching song - I always get the two confused. Anyway, Bruce sidles up to a lonesone dwarf, and decides to try his luck.

"I bet you 10 Gold that my todger is bigger than yours", he challenged. Straight away, the dwarf up and accepts the bet - YOUR ON MATE - I'LL SEE YOU JIMMY.

The DM sizes up the two characters and decides Bruce has an 85% bonus.

Bruce pulls his old fellow out (and rolls a 12), Dwarf immediately follows suit (and rolls 100). YA CALL THAT WEE THING A WEAPON - GIMMEE ME GOLD :D . In a panic, Bruce tries to flee the tavern to save from paying out (DM rolls for crowd control and agility - fumble - how bad - fumble). With a total lack of dexterity, Bruce succeeds in treading on his cape, and falling sideways into an adjacent card table (knocking himself unconcious in the process).

Bruce wakes up in patch of yellow snow outside the inn - his party of friends and allies fall over themselves laughing at his misadventures. Bruce staggers down to the river to wash himself off. A crowd is gathering there and a strange challenge is being issued. A local noble is standing proudly next to his racing bull as he boasts to all and sundry of the prowess and speed of the beast. 100 gold versus a year of indentured service to anyone who can outrace man and beast. Bruce sees his opportunity and makes the challenge, "Race you to Holder's Bridge, and to make it interesting, my 5 companions (indicating our team standing across the road) challenge as well (no, he didn't tell us). First man standing on the northern bank wins.

Noble (sneers) : Where are your mounts?
Bruce : How we get there is our business - we have a deal - agreed?

Yes fools, laughs the noble, spurring his bull into action.

Quickly Bruce gathered us all and explained what was going on. After we all punched him out some, he explained his plan. Next minute, the 6 of us are aboard a clapped out and rickety raft, about to take on "Widow's Cascades", a series of severe rapids that stood between us and 300 gold (funny how he never told us the full story). The most worrying thing is that BRUCE the BAD is steering the raft.

The DM decides that there will be 5 rolls for steering proficiency while making the journey. Failing a proficiency roll meant that all passengers had to make a dexterity save to avoid falling out. Those who fall out had 3 agility rolls to make it back to the raft or they perish of hypothermia induced bludgeoning amongst the rocks. Bruce not being used to a raft under difficult conditions was accorded a 25% efficiency, and duly failed all rolls.

As you would expect, Bruce fell off the raft at the 1st opportunity. The bad news (for the rest of us) was that he made his 3rd and final roll to clamber back into the steering position. Voldarr (myself) fell out 3 times and would have died but for a friend who watched over me. Humungus, twin brother to Bruce, met his fateful end that day. In the end, Terl, our rogue, pushed Bruce off the raft and took the steering duties on himself. He had to keep kicking Bruce back into the water each time it looked like he would clamber back on.

In the end we made it to Holder's Bridge, and having taken the shortest of short cuts, the DM allocated Bruce a 95% advantage on the wager. With a flourish, Bruce rolled a 3 (groans by all0, and the DM falling over himslf laughing rolled a casual 99.

I miss the days of Bruces infectious bad luck :D .

once while dealing damage to some monsters in the forest of Ragol, my freinds and i decided to play around with some certain bugs in the game. (Phantasy Star Online) One fella' decided to see if he could manage walking backwards through a door, and sucseeded, another followed his idea throguh a fence, and then i decided to try the same but failed and became stuck inbetween the locked door and the path to take. To make things funnier, a guy tried using a transport spell on me and he managed to send me, not up to the town BUT 6 feet under the ground!

I begged and pleaded for another transport spell to get back up but nobody could find me, so then I equiped a sword and it shot up through the ground. Im sure that was funny, seeing the tip of a sword sticking up from the surface of the ground with little chat baloons escaping from it exclaining "Help! Help!"


Another time in Myth 2 I once defeated an entire army without the use of but one unit. Sending a wright, an explosive unit, towards an anemies start location, I noticed that there was a large HILL. His dwarves,of course, took the libery to threaten my baloon-like explosive unit by chucking moltovs toward the ground and chuckling...

I decided to use my scuicidal unit to my advantage, I sent him in and Poped the sucker just as the dwarves threw the fire bomb.

What was funny was the placement of his units... when the fire bomb moltov came down... actuallly he threw 2 at once with 2 dwaves, they BOTH flew back up at him. The first one came down short and killed his dwarves while the other flew back into his feildd of archers who were standing next to an explosive wright of their own!!!

The fire bomb impacted that wright and blew it to kingdom come along wiht lal of his archers, and of course the idiot didn't think of having any melee units so that was the end of him.

That's the only time that I think that i've seen ONE single Scuicidal Wright unit take out 40 units single handedly and get a veterans rank for it [img]tongue.gif[/img]

I was playing GURPS with some friends a little while back with my character a thief like fisherman called Dave. The party was walking through a forest trying to investigate the death of the local mayor when we started hearing voices. Me having the highest proficiency in this kind of situation (the other party members were a scribe, a blacksmith, and a priest) I crawled through the wood to a ledge, behind which was the origin of the voices. It sounded just like lots of people chatting, but I had a sneaky suspicion they were soldiers, and it sounded like there were a lot of them. I was busy trying to work out what they were saying when I failed one of the regular stealth rolls and broke a twig under me. Immediately there was the sound of swords being drawn and all talking stopped. I still didn't know if they were friendly (although I did have a horrible suspicion...) so I called out:

"Hello?" (What kind of thing ius this to say to a group of armed men! As the rest of the party were at pains to point out.)

Which was probably not a good idea. All they did was laugh nastily and come looking for me, so I got up and ran.

The whole party got onto our horses and started riding down the track when this group of soldiers came up the other way. They started firing arrows at us and I was the only one hit (this proved to be setting a rather worrying precedent for the adventure). I fell of my horse, which ran away. The other guys carried on until they were out of range! Bastards!!! The leader of the soldiers proceeded to walk up and start kicking me as I was lying on the floor trying to pull an arrow out of my hand. After being kicked in a place I would rather not mention 3 times I managed to stand up (finally passed the roll required, despite having a ridiculously high dex I managed to fail it repeatedly). I was sooo pissed off with these guys by now that the following conversation took place:

Me: Alright then! I punch the leader!
DM (a kindly soul at heart...): You see 50 armed men behind the leader.
Me: OK! I run away!
DM: Take a dex roll then, you are being kicked after all.
(Promptly fail roll and fall over again)
DM: Well the man keeps kicking you then.
Me: Damn! Ok then, I try and get up!
DM: Well take the roll for it...
(Fail roll again)
DM: The man keeps kicking you, it really does hurt quite badly now.
Me: I know that you fool! But I can't do anything about it if I can't get up off the ******* floor can I!
DM: Oh dear! It looks like he is trying to kick you in the face now...
Me: Ok ok! I'm sorry I didn't mean that! Guys, help...

At this point the other party members stopped laughing long enough to try and work out what to do. The only one with enough courage to go in and help was the blacksmith, who had the lowest intelligence, charisma, and dexterity. He proceeded to ride in (without any horse riding proficiencies, which I had...) avoid all the arrows (with a dex about half of mine...) pick me up and put me on the horse (and avoid being kicked/pummelled by the large man...) and ride away once again avoiding the arrows.

AAAAAARGGHHH!!!!! Why me!

All of these stories are hilarious. I LOVE this thread.

BTW, <font color="orange">Scronan</font>, don't feel bad...I once PERMANENTLY killed another player's 36th level fighter!

After our group graduated from college, we started a tradition of meeting every Labor Day Weekend for a gaming reunion. At the very first one, the DM wanted to run a 30+ level game. All the "veterans" in our group had characters of that level, but me, my roommate, and the rest of the "newbies" had only gotten to about 15th level. So, some of the experienced gamers "loaned" characters for us to play. I borrowed a 36th level fighter and took the point for the group (he was LG). The other fighter in the group was always picking on this character and we quickly got into a contest as to who could kill the most monsters, face the most danger, etc. After clearing the dungeon, we came to a room with a large throne covered in jewels. The other fighter and I rolled initiatives and I won...so I leaped onto the throne...which happened to be the Throne of the Gods. The DM started rolling the powers/effects randomly.
Now, the player had worked long and hard to raise his fighters Charisma to the highest level possible. He was a king over a small area of Greyhawk and his troops were unswervingly loyal due to this guys leadership and Charisma scores. Welllll, the first thing that happened was that his Charisma got dropped to 3. Before the player (who was in the room watching the game the whole time) had a chance to react, the DM said "...and you're aged 130 years."
The player suddenly looked up and said "What? What did you say?" The DM repeated that the character had aged 130 years. The player then said "He's dead! He just died. His max age was 110 years." And - when you die from aging - its PERMANENT.
I apologized profusely and asked the DM to substitute one of my characters instead, but the player wasn't upset about it. He said that he had loaned the character to me and accepted the consequences. I still feel bad about it to this day, though.

The one character I finally DID work up to "high level" was Cerek, my barbarian. My roommate played a Chaotic magic-user and he often used him in games when I played Cerek. These two characters were constantly picking on each other. In one dungeon, we were exploring a cave and came to a large, open room.
The mage said "I'm detecting for traps".
The DM said "How, the room is too large for you to Detect the entire area?"
The mage said "I'm not casting Detect Traps...I'm casting Push on the barbarian!"
Suddenly, my barbarian was skidding across the floor and setting off pressure plate traps. Fortunately, none of the traps were armed.
Since I couldn't retaliate right away, I bided my time until we finally met up with the main monster in the game. That's when I came up with Cerek's "Signature Move".
I turned to the DM and said "I'm casting Barbarian Magic Missile!"
DM "WHAT THE HECK IS A BARBARIAN MAGIC MISSILE?"
I said "I'm grabbing the magic-user and throwing him at the monster!!! Either way, something good is BOUND to happen!!!"
The look of SHOCK on my roommates' face was PRICELESS and it was several minutes before we were able to determine the "success" of my "spellcasting".

BTW, the mage was able to grab a Wand of Lightning from his robe and ZAP the monster at close range... which killed it, so he couldn't argue too much with me either.

[ 02-28-2002: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Cerek the Barbaric:
"I'm casting Barbarian Magic Missile!"<hr></blockquote>

barbarian magic missile thats priceless.

Man, those stories are HILARIOUS! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] I agree, Cerek, this is the kind of thread that is a delight to read.

My own personal contribution to the hotch-pot is this:

I was running an AD&D (1st edition, YEARS ago) campaign with some players that were, well, let's just say rather neurotic, being kind about it and all. ;) The most neurotic one was playing a Psionic with Telekinesis ability, and, being a munchkin to boot, had pumped up his TK score to where he was setting off all traps with his TK powers without getting close to them.

Okaaaay...so I decided to take him down a peg or two, knowing how freakin' PARANOID he was. Their party encounters a large, marble-tiled room in this castle with strange looking basins and even stranger apparati hanging on the walls over the basins. I describe this in detail, and, of course, "Mr. Paranoid Psionicist" begins to use his TK powers to maneuver the lever under the apparatus furthest away from him. Well, since TK abilities decrease at an inverse square proportion to distance, nothing happened, so he began using more and more charges. Finally, when he had all but drained his Psionic points, the lever on the apparatus moved, and pink pearlescent goo began to pour slowly out of the bottom of the container and puddle on the counter near the basin. You see, the party had encountered the Insane Mage's bathroom, and the PC had used almost every one of his TK points manipulating the wizard's liquid hand soap and lotion dispenser. [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Naturally, I had them run into a *wandering* monster as soon as they left the bathroom, that would have been a LOT easier to take out had "Mr. Paranoid Munchkin-head" not used all of his TK points maneuvering a freakin' SOAP dispenser. The party survived, just barely, and the rest of the players ganged up on the munchkin to where he learned his lesson and reserved his abilities for important things after that. ;)

Cheers,

Once while fighting a pack of orcs I made a horrible fumble... I was playing a Axewielding fighter human and I got 2 on a d100... then to see how bad the fumble was I rolled another d100 and got 94... basicly what happened was I swung the axe... slipped and cut of my dwarfen buddie's head of... Oh I was so unpopular that day [img]smile.gif[/img]

Just a little side note, once I was playing the game Doom, and listening to Siamese Dreams by Smashing pumpkins, a song called SilverF... (you know, that word that gets you banned). Anyway, I was walking in a hallway when one of the brown imps came up to me and I pumped him with a shotgun and just as he fell to the floor the singer in the song goes "Bang Bang your dead, holding your hand"... it was so appropiate [img]smile.gif[/img]

You're taking me right down Memory Lane, <font color="yellow">Saz</font>.
I am also a 1st Edition gamer. (Didn't care much for 2nd Edition, but 3rd Edition sounds pretty cool.)

And we also had a player that was a major "buttmunch" whenever ANYTHING bad happened to his character. He was also extremely paranoid, but would usually just wait for someone else to go first.

As our gaming careers began to wind down, I designed a "Relic Dungeon" just for him. I allowed his ranger to Quest for a specific relic. He chose the <font color="cyan">Invulnerable Coat of Arnd</font>. HOWEVER, instead of doing a solo quest, this guy took 2 extra characters (one of whom was a cleric) along as back-up. Of course, I had anticipated something along this line.

He finally reaches the dungeon and enters a circular room 100' in diameter. On the far side of the room was a Mithril Golem wearing the armor and carrying a butt-whupping sword. The Golem leaped 50' through the air to land right in front of the character....unleashed a flurry of attacks....and then leaped backwards 30' to avoid the rangers attacks.

My buddy went crazy and charged at max speed towards the Golem.....and "SANK" STRAIGHT INTO THE FLOOR!!! There was a 20' wide trench that stretched across the middle of the room and was filled with micro-grain sand that LOOKED just like the rest of the floor but was no more solid than water!!!

MUCH weeping, wailing, and griping ensued.

"My cleric had cast Detect Traps and Snares! He would have warned the ranger before he fell in." he complained.

"First of all", I said "it was NOT a trap nor a snare...it was a pond that looked solid. A simple dose of caution would've have prevented your character from falling in."

"Secondly, you're ranger CHARGED the golem at max speed. EVEN if I allowed your cleric to Detect the trap, the only thing he could've done was yell 'HEY, LOOK OUT FOR THAT........trap'".

Then I suggested that he quit complaining and start thinking of a way to rescue his character before he drowned.

Ah, yes, getting the best of a antagonistic player...the sweet smell of victory! :D

Traps, traps...oh the devious things we can come up with. That was a great one, BTW...an optical illusion rather than a magical illusion, thus it can't be dispelled nor detected. One of my dungeons I designed way back when was filled with optical illusions. It about drove the players bonkers. I wish I could remember some of the better optical effects; they would do great in a campaign even now.

Cheers,

Here are some more hilarious accounts from WebRPG:

-----------------------------------
While during a tournement AD&D game GMed by a British fellow, we strolled into a large cave with a fountain in the center. The party nervously looked around, and the GM announced that the fountain had a "leak" in it.

To his suprise, no one reacted. No one except the thief's player who declared that he was sticking his finger in the "leak".

The GM was dumbfounded and shaking his head he said, "Ok, it casts a 20th level fire ball at you."

"WHAT??!?!", the players yelled. The thief was the loudest of those yelling.

"Yes, this "leak" is 20th level, so he can throw 20d6 fire balls," the GM explained.

"A 20th level 'leak'?" the players asked, "What's that?"

"A 'leak', a 'leak', you know, an undead wizard..." the GM explained.

The player's suddenly realized what the GM was talking about - the fountain had a liche, not a leak, in it.

"Liche?! Ah, a liche!" the players yelled and quickly went into action.

Talk about your language barriers! [img]smile.gif[/img]

(comment mine): I wonder just where that DM thought the thief stuck his finger in the Liche? [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

---------------------------------------------

One of my friend's first experiences in AD&D was the following: he finds himself with a beautiful woman, and sees that half her face is peeling off, and she's been trying to kill him all night with poisoned drinks, and (only-just!) missed back-stabs. Eventually, he sees the half-peeling face, the poisoned knife she's wielding, and the ungodly Charm of Fiery Destruction around her neck.

DM: She stabs at you with her knife!

My friend: She's evil, right?

Oi Vey.

-------------------------------------------

In an AD&D campaign I ran awhile ago, there were three brave adventurers (Valcor the Fighter, Radix the Bard, and Simon Pirate, mage-fighter) and one sneaky bastard (Silk the "adventurer"- he told me later he took the character straight from some fantasy novel). The players of Valcor and Radix were greenhorns when it came to fantasy RPGs. It would never even occur to them that a fellow party member would steal from them. Only Simon was wise to Silk, but he could never find any direct evidence of Silk's wrongdoing (Silk was real good at covering his tracks).

The dungeon delving routine became: Silk would scout ahead of the party (with strong protests from Simon) to see if there were any ambushes being laid for our heroes. Silk would then look around for the easiest obtainable treasure, pocket it, and report back to the party on everything he saw (except for the goods, of course). I would lay out all kinds of traps and monsters to nab Silk, because his party was so clueless, but Silk always managed to avoid them. Often, if he enountered a monster, he'd nab what treasure he could, and then come screaming back to the party! It got to the point that the players were blaming *me* for my adventures being so magic poor! Meanwhile, Silk carried a magical armory on him, thanks to the multiple bags of holding he had accumulated.

It all came to a head about a year (real time) into the campaign. The party were wandering through some underground caverns, when they came face to face with a half-demon, something none of them had ever encountered before. The half-demon looked in their direction with his glowing red searchlight-like eyes. Silk, in a moment of weakness (I guess he had never felt outclassed before), quickly donned a cloak of invisibility (the party had a paltry few +1 weapons between them, thanks to Silk, and a cloak of invisibility was a pipe-dream to them). Silk's player then turns to me and says, "I put on my invisibility cloak- can he still see me?" Whereupon Valcor's player turns to us, his face bright red, and shouts, "You WHAT?! Where did you get that?!".

Simon's player had an amazing combination of anger and smugness on his face. I ruled that Valcor saw Silk putting on the cloak and vanishing bit by bit. Silk, seeing the jig was up, dived into a strange pool that lay nearby, with the rest of the party giving chase (the half-demon long forgotten). When I wrote the adventure, that pool was a gate to the surface, so all four of the party reappeared in a lake next to a town. Silk took off running.

Valcor was so mad that he just stood there, screaming insults. Simon, however, gave chase. For every spell Simon cast, Silk was able to pull out an ill-gotten magic item to get him out of the fix- slow spell countered by a haste potion, web spell countered by a sword of flames, and so on. And every item Silk pulled out just made the party madder- "When did he find all those potions?! Where did he get a flaming sword?! Where did he find those boots of jumping?!" and so.

Eventually, the town guard were able to catch both Silk and Simon, after both adventurers had exhausted all their spells and magic items. After hearing the tale, Silk was senetenced to death (although he escaped).

Simon had the final word, however. Earlier, he used his familiar (a raven), to follow Silk to his thieves' guild (one of the most notorius in the world). After the above incident, Simon told an order of knights everything he knew about the guild (which was a lot). Two weeks later, Silk's guild was a smoking ruin, and all the thieves put to death. The crime rate dropped to zero in the surrounding kingdoms.

--------------------------------------

Cheers,

Those were hilarious, <font color="yellow">Saz</font>.

I hope there's no limit to the number of Posts that can be made by one member...because talking about PnP experiences is one of my FAVORITE pasttimes (in an appropriate forum, of course).

I played a halfling thief one time that did something similar to the example stated above. I was playing him in a dungeon along with my buddy that taught me how to play the game. He was playing his thief also and was more experienced than me. We got inside the fortress that we were supposed to attack and quickly began "scouting" ahead of the party. Actually, we would run ahead, check for traps, go through a door, and then LOCK it back behind us. The party started falling farther and farther behind...since they had to break down every door they came to.
We didn't get to steal that much loot and we actually ended up saving the entire party by running ahead. The guards caught up to - and captured - the rest of our party. My friend had to leave the game before it was finished, so that left my thief ALL ALONE, to wander through this fortress and find my buddies. I Hid in a LOT of Shadows and snuck past any guards I met until I finally found and rescued the rest of the party.
If I hadn't run ahead of them, the entire party would've been captured and killed that night.


The DM for that game had created his own Game World where the dungeon took place. I had also created a character to play in his campaign on this world. It was a half-orc assassin (my one try at being evil).

This Game World had a serious shortage of magical items. Any item that was openly displayed would be confiscated by a group that resembled the Cowled Wizards (only this was back in 1986)!

In an early adventure, our group killed some kinda monster in a cave that had very "icky" green blood with little "white splotches" in it. Being an aspiring assassin, I scooped up some of this blood in a metal flask and scratched "X-Heal" on the side of it.

Several games later, we were scoping out a mage in his tower. The DM cautioned us that we shouldn't really try to attack this guy....so naturally, that's what we did.
We got inside the tower only to be attacked by a Flesh Golem. This thing was beating us senseless. After all, we were ONLY 4th-5th level and had very little magic. One of the few items we had was a magical tapestry that we could use to "Teleport" to our home base of operations, which was well populated with other adventurers.
As this golem kept pounding on us, I got an idea. I got the tapestry from the guy that carried it and unrolled it on the floor behind the golem. Then, I got down on all fours behind the golems legs and the fighters launched a team assault. IT WORKED! and the golem tumbled into - and through - the tapestry.
Whew! OK, now that we solved THAT problem, we decided to continue searching for the mage. That's when somebody in the group suddenly stopped and said "Heeeeey....waitaminute. Just HOW powerful does a mage have to be to create a golem?" Collective light-bulbs "blinked" above all of our heads and we decided to beat a hasty retreat. Unfortunately, the mage had been "monitoring" us the entire time and the door leading outside was now magically sealed.
Then the mage and his bodyguard (a 7th-9th level fighter) showed up with some henchmen an attacked. We fought well, but to no avail. We DID manage to take out the mage, but the fighter made pretty short work of us.
As the DM was gathering his stuff together, he burst out laughing and told me he had a "surprise" for me. He had suddenly remembered that little metal flask I was carrying. The fighter had searched our bodies after dispatching us and found my "potion". The mage was badly hurt, but not dead (yet), so the fighter poured the potion down his throat. It turns out that the "white splotches" in the ichor were actually rot grubs, so I got FULL experience for assassinating a 16th level wizard!!!
The fact that I was dead didn't matter. Our fellow adventurers back at the base had managed to find us and my character was resurrected. He came back as a half-ogre!! THAT was a fun campaign.

Like I said before, this is one of my favorite topics...so I just HAD to BUMP this thread back up to the front with another story.

Tonights Episode - <h3><font color="red">THE KILLER DM!!!</font></h3>

Did you ever have a DM that considered every game a PERSONAL contest between himself and the players....we certainly did! Ironically enough, our "killer DM" was named Jason (no lie).

Any time your character missed an attack, you had to roll percentile dice to see if your weapon broke....and there was about a 75% chance that it WOULD break. You never saw so many broken swords, axes, and bows (not the string - the actual bow itself) in your life.

In one game, it took my character 3 rounds to activate a Figurine of Wondrous Power - 1 round to pull it out of my pouch, 1 round to set it on the ground, and 1 round to say the Command Word. Of course, the monsters suffered no such penalty and happily beat on my helpless butt while I tried to activate the thing.

But the BEST game we ever had under Jason occurred when we were sent to a small town to "investigate strange disappearances of townsfolk". Our merry band arrived in town and talked to the mayor. He needed us to break into the local castle and see what was going on. We scouted the castle and got decimated by archer fire....just for looking around. One little catch to this game was that our clerics WERE NOT allowed to choose their own spells. Instead, Jason "rolled randomly" to see which spells our Dieties felt we should have that day. Interestingly enough, the dieties for BOTH clerics "randomly" decided to grant <font color="silver">Invisibility to Undead</font> each day (even though we hadn't met any yet)...but they REFUSED to grant ANY healing spells. So we just had to hide out long enough to regain our 1hp/day until we were back at full strength (good thing we were only around 3rd lvl).

While we were recovering, one of my best friends got an idea. He realized that the entire party was either Chaotic Neutral or slightly Evil in alignment, so we decided to "elect" ourselves as the new Security Force for the town. We started "checking locks" every night. We would "Pick" the ones that were actually locked and loot the houses.

Well, Jason wasn't at all pleased with this unforeseen development and he forced us to start attacking the castle again. This led to a comedic series of events. We would storm the castle, fight it out with the guards, take heavy damage, and retreat. We would then REST for 2 weeks to regain our full hit points and repeat the process. It took 4 successive tries before we even breached the wall. Once we actually got into the courtyard for the first time, we unloaded everything we had at the guards. Flasks of oil were used to burn down the barracks and trip ropes were placed at the door to catch anybody that ran out.

We eventually made it into the castle itself. We encountered some skeletons (FINALLY got to use that <font color="silver">Invisibility to Undead</font> spell) and killed them. After that, it was too late in the Real World to continue the game.

Most of us just took our characters and never returned to the game, but my roommate and a couple of others DID go back to try to finish the dungeon. They eventually followed the villain into a marsh where he unleashed a 12th level <font color="yellow">Fireball</font> on a 3rd level party....killing the entire group!!!

Another Victory (albeit a belated one) for <font color="teal">Jason,</font><font color="red"> the Killer DM!</font>

[ 03-07-2002: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ]</p>

Hehe! Very funny Saz! :D :D I like that one with the cat LOL! :D :D

Don´t have that many of my own but once when we played Cult, we felt a bit poor, and the sanity balance of the gang (yep, that matters in that game, you end up being afraid of things, being alcoholic superheroes and such! ;) ) during this robbery the bad guys showed up and a shoot out was the next stage. My character then tried to bring a fellow down so he wouldn´t be caught in the crossfire. He was well, pretty nice a fella so he kicked the guy on the leg and my GM asked for the rolls since it was an act of adrenaline influencies.. I rolled and ended up kicking the poor fellas leg to smitherines and the guy almost died of bloodloss, and the semi-kind action gave my character a couple of negative points as a thank you...

APart from that the only fun thing to mention was during an Ad&D 2:ed game when a character should cast a stinking cloud, he kind lay a real one as a bonus and we had to flee the little hobby house in disgust, and the DM just said: "There you all see how my poor monsters feel when you things like that. No wonder they want to kill you!".

At least we had a good laugh...

One of my favorite devices in a game that I used was "Snow cookies" and "Fire cookies", found by an adventuring party in the kitchen of a mage's demesne. The party found these boxes stashed on a pantry shelf, and opened one to find (amazingly still fresh) ginger-snap-like cookies with sparkling red sugar crystals on them.

Not thinking overmuch (he had a WIS of 6), the party's thief popped one in his mouth. I described the effect as, "You feel as if you've just ingested about 50,000 cinammon red-hots." The thief was momentarily incapacitated while he choked and gasped and stumbled around in all directions, then opened his mouth to roar and a 3rd-level fireball (3d6) came roaring out. Being one of the nicer DM's, I rolled for the direction he was facing and he basically toasted the kitchen door and singed the armhair on the party's barbarian.

Needless to say, the PC's grabbed up as many boxes as they could tote (the Snow cookies had white powdered sugar on them that had a slight magical glow, and produced a 4th level Cone of Cold). I had to admire the fact that they did use them effectively, even though I did put in a slight percentage chance that they would lose control and blast something other than their target with them. It was an interesting play on breath weapons, and they really had fun with them.

Cheers,

ROFLMAO! :D [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]
These are great Saz and Cerek!
Keep 'em comin' [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

I haven't played very much RP yet (haven't found a group with room for a newbie) but sometime a couple of weeks ago, the group my friend plays with had a bit too few people (they were three) so I could play.
This is DSA (what's it called in English, anyone know?), not DnD btw.

Anyways, our party begins in a tavern in a village. The mayor begs us to help his village against a marauding dragon (um... dragon? We're all lvl 1, you know...) but being chivalric, we decide to help them (well, we had to drag our thief along). Our party was me (a half-elven ranger type), a half-elven adventurer, a mercenary (who behaved like a barbarian), and a thief.
Well, we follow the trail of the dragon (trail of dead cows and charred trees), and come to the entrance of a cave. Our half-elven adventurer nobly decides to explore. He wants to use his invisibility ability. Quite unfortunately, this only works with your body, so he started to take off all his clothes (the thief and I are both female). We both decently look away, and when we look back, he's gone. However, the dragon inside sees through the invisibility, and breathes fire at him. He yells. Hearing this, the thief and I run in (me because I'm a good chivalric ranger, the thief didn't want to until the DM told her she was in love... ROFL...). At the same time, the invisible guy runs out - we don't see him of course. I nearly get toasted by the dragon and shout. The adventurer grabs a sword and other pieces of armor, straps them on and runs back in, dragging the mercenary (who'd stared at the commotion with interest) with him. Of course, he's still invisible, so you can basically see a sword and some clothes running around.
We somehow managed to kill the dragon (it was a very weak one). Looking at the corpse... hm... strange, this dragon is only one foot long. I thought it was larger than that? Our barbarian-mercenary skins it (he wants dragon-scale armor), but the skin isn't even enough to make gloves. In any case, everybody except the merc goes back into the cave to look around. The mercenary, whose player was somewhat bored...
Merc: I eat the dragon.
DM: You what?
Merc: I eat the dragon.
DM (slightly hysterical): Do you cook it?
Merc: No, raw.
DM: WHY?
Merc: I'm hungry.

That was my first and rather bizarre PnP adventure. The story isn't as funny as the others here, but it was certainly hilarious while we were playing!

Don't sell yourself short, <font color="plum">Kaz</font>.

That was a very entertaining story. I especially liked the naked, invisible half-elf running around. It takes some MAJOR chutzpah to walk into a dragon's lair buck-naked.

The part about the merc eating the dragon was funny too. I love it.

These are Hilarous! I can't wait until I get a Pen&Paper set! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Here's some more cool ones (not my own, but hilarious just the same!) Cerek, Kaz, and everyone else, those are great! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] Keep 'em coming! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

_______________________________________________-

"We were playing a D&D game with a mage that collected odd spells and trinkets. For the most part, he was annoying -- until we had to interrogate a bandit.

Of course the fighter and the thief did the standard "I pick my teeth with a dagger while we're interrogating him" thing (which I think is way overused and lame to begin with -- and, apparently, so did our eclectic mage)...

While out of view, the mage spinkled his dagger with this powder he'd gotten from the last town which made anything non-living eatable (in case you're starving or something). Then the mage went and stood next to the fighter and the thief, looked right at the bandit, and took a big old bite out of his dagger!

The bandit talked."

____________________________________________

"The group was on the way to see a wild mage, whom everyone in the town had described as insane. On the way, the elf thief managed to anger two mountain lions protecting their cubs. The orc of the group quickly smashed both, and that crazy elf stuck her head BACK into the lions' den. The group suddenly found themselves the adoptive parents of five cute "kitties." When they reached the wizard and went inside to talk to him, he tried to create a bowl of cat food for the hungry cubs. This is how it went:

(Roll for level variation) 9. For a level 11 character, that's a wild surge.

(Roll for wild surge) 90. Consult table: "Spell has 60' radius centered on target (all within radius suffer the effect)."

I think for a minute. Then:
"The figure waves a hand toward a spot on the floor. There is a pop, and the floor is suddenly covered with bowls of cat food. The cats are startled, but after hesitating, attack the food."

"The figure says, 'I hate it when that happens.'"

__________________________________________________

"In a game I was DMing I decided to be a little humorous. On the way to an important destination, the group was ambushed in a forest by a group of sprites. Since the group was greatly outnumbered they ran out of the forest in panic.

On the way back they entered the same forest, but all they found was a dumb hill giant.

PC: Who are you?
Giant: Me Ugg!
PC: We'll just be leaving.

A sprite flew by and Ugg grabbed it. He then squeezed it dry, forcing all the blood to drip into a small bottle.

Ugg: Drink sprite!
PC: Uh....That's okay.
Ugg: You no like Ugg's drink?
PC: No, we loooooove Ugg's drink.

I rewarded the character's bravery by saying the potion restored a few HP. The players thought that was hilarious so I had Ugg open his own bar, selling things like brownies, pudding, and -- of course -- sprite."

_________________________________________

Perhaps the most interesting NPC that I've encountered was an orc named Zardos, who was hit on the head -- rather hard -- when he was very young. Since this time, he has consistently believed himself to be an elven ranger. It's rather humorous when the large orc strolls into the unwary village and the villagers begin to raise shouts of "Orc! Orc!"

Zardos, whose hated race is orcs, pulls his two heavy swords and cries back, "Orc....Where?"

(comment mine): Now all he needs is a miniature Giant Space Hamster! ;)

________________________________________

"A wizard, known only to the party as "The Magus," had it in for the 15-year-old wizard NPC travelling with us. All of us were incredibly protective of the boy, and so when this Magus fellow began trying to kidnap him, we fought him. We schemed, we plotted. Every plan we came up with to keep our NPC friend safe, the Magus seemed to know in advance. The party began to become suspicious of one another, because our GM had this habit of pulling players into the other room to give us little 15-minute briefings on weird dreams our characters were having, observations we made that others didn't see, and the like.

We turned the Magus aside on numerous occasions, but finally, he managed to get the boy and take him to an ancient place of power to be sacrificed. We followed and fought. And none of us seemed to think it strange that when the Magus hit us particularly hard, he would heal us back up again -- until we finally learned the truth. The Magus had travelled back in time to destroy the boy, because the boy would grow up to be him. He had seen the destruction caused by his own hands, had seen the deaths of every member of our party, and this was his strange attempt at repentance."

_____________________________________

"Viandine was the first character I played in a non-freeform RPG. I chose her occupation accordingly. She was registered as a fighter/cleric, of course, because this was a classical RPG, but what had her calling been before she was a hero?

She was a psychiatrist.

From the minute she joined the party, she was the comic relief. She psychoanalyzed everyone from the thief to the resident mage ("Couldn't your magical focus be attributed to your dislike of sports and physical contact as a child?"), and what's more, she actually gained legitimate game skills along her journey, becoming a level six in each of her useful classes. Unfortunately, she was not to be a true heroine; she was killed by a demonic something-or-other that our GM dredged up to scare the party out of its wits. I'm pleased to say, however, that she remained a psychiatrist even when she uttered the words that would be her last to the very thing that killed her:

"Would you like to talk about it?"

_________________________________________

Cheers,

What a wonderful thread, this reminds me of an adventure with my human barbarian Uggh. Now Uggh did have an INT score of 6 so he wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Being big and brawny he was also quite clumbsy. So our party was sneaking into a dungeon looking for some rare relic or another and our theif was sneaking ahead to decect for traps, while the rest of the party was camped in this dungeon. Now Uggh had previously stumbled upon the corpse of a dwarf and had gained possession of several bottles of his fine 190 proof dwarven liquor. Anyways, Uggh was always the kind of guy to take a problem head on. So while our thief was sneaking ahead, Uggh and our dwarven cleric, Erik, were sneaking shots of 100 year old dwarven liquor. In our theives travels he recognizes the back of a basalisk, so he turns around and runs back to the party to warn them, not knowing that the basalisk had smelled him and was in hot pursuit. So the thief gets back and see Uggh completely smashed and Erik passed out. he frantically tries to explain the Uggh the danger they are and how they should be going. Uggh hearing about a basalisk started screaming in a drunken stupor something about "come and get me little basket thingy. . . come out and fight me. . .etc" just then the basalisk rounds the corner to where the party was camped. the theif immediately runs, so that just leaves our passed out dwarf and Uggh. Uggh being so drunk he couldn't see straight avoided being turned to stone by the basalisk. He grabbed his trusty club and walked right up to it and smashed it on the noggin, which only succeeded in pissing the basalisk off, and splintering his club. Now the basalisk knocked Uggh back with a wave of his claw, and Uggh was sprawled out on the floor next to Erik. Uggh still wanting to fight and looking for a waepon grabbed the first thing that looked like a club that came into his drunken sight. you guessed it Erik the passed out dwarf. He grabbed Erik by the feet and swung him clumbsily at the basalisk, which of course he missed. Erik in typical dwarven fasjion was wearing a spiked viking style helmet, and when Uggh missed the basalisk the helmet, dwarf and all got stuck into one of the wooden pillars holding up the dungeon that we were in. Uggh got clawed by the basalisk again, and was none to happy about losing his weapon,ran over and yanked on the dwarf trying to free him from the pillar. Which failed that round. Now After getting attacked by the basalisk again that round Uggh was in pretty bad shape, but he did need a weapon and the only thing he could see was the dwarf so he yanked again. this time he succeeded in freeing the dwarf, along with the pillar from its foundation. Uggh and his "weapon" stubmled away as the tunnel collapsed on the basalisk. Uggh was very unhappy about losing his liquor, and Erik woke up with a splitting headache, and our theif just wondered what in the world happened.

AzRael, that was priceless.

My college roommate and I learned AD&D together. Aside from the guy who taught us the game (JL), he was one of the BEST natural DM's I ever saw. His games were always challenging and entertaining.

One of the best ideas he ever came up with was a magical-trap - of sorts. Here's how it worked.

The party enters a large room in the dungeon. The only thing of interest is a chamber at the far end of the room. There is no light inside the chamber, but there are 2 rows of benches in front of it. The front of the chamber has a row of windows, but there are no doors of any type. Eventually, the party finds the "triggering device"...this can be a large gem set into the chamber wall, a rune inscribed on the floor, or a jewel in the eye of a statue on the other side of the room, etc.

As soon as any character touches or sets off the "trigger"..they are HEALED of all damage and teleported inside the chamber. However, NONE of their equipment (including clothes) goes with them. They appear inside the chamber stark naked. A rack of normal weapons they are proficient with appears beside them. At the same time...an exact clone of the character appears at the far end of the chamber with a rack of weapons beside it. The clone is an exact duplicate of the character in every way...except alignment....which is the diametric opposite of the original characters. This alignment clash among clone and original will lead to an instant fight...both parties will consider the other an "aberration" that must be eliminated.


The rest of the party sees their comrade appear inside the chamber, but cannot help in any way...there is NO way to influence what happens inside the chamber. All they can do is take a seat on the benches and watch the fight.

When the fight is over, the "winner" is HEALED of all damage again and teleported back into the main room.

If the original character wins...he/she gets appropriate individual experience points and all of his/her stuff back. If the clone wins, the player has the option of playing thier character under the new alignment.

<font color="silver">{SIDENOTE} Mages and clerics CAN cast spells inside the chamber, but since it is your basic 10x10 enclosed room, <font color="yellow">[i]Fireballs</font> will roast BOTH characters...so it is best to avoid "Area of Effect" spells.</font>

The original alignment could be regained through magical means, such as a Helm of Opposite Alignment, Wish spell, or any other means the DM deems appropriate. And - yes - the clone COULD grab the triggering device and teleport BACK into the chamber. If he loses, the player would regain his former character....but keep in mind that the clone would NOT want to change alignments and probably would NOT want to risk being destroyed so soon after being "activated".

The really funny part of the dungeon my roommate first ran this in was that he had told me about this whole set-up BEFORE running the dungeon (you know, when you come up with a REALLY good idea...you just HAVE to tell somebody). Well that gave me an advantage since I knew what the triggering device was going to be. I promised him I wouldn't spoil the trap by warning the party about it though. It turned out to be a moot point. I played a thief and took some heavy damage on the way into the dungeon. When we reached the room with the chamber, there was no sign of the "triggering device" he had showed me...but there WAS a very fancy, jewel-encrusted sword sticking out of a stone. A plaque on the stone read "GRASP THIS AND BE HEALED"

Well, I suppose you can GUESS the rest of the story........I knew the trap was there and fell for it anyway.

[ 03-08-2002: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ]</p>

Hey, Sazerac, were you in Denton during the late '70s? i did a lot of gaming there, then.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Attalus:
Hey, Sazerac, were you in Denton during the late '70s? i did a lot of gaming there, then.<hr></blockquote>


No, I was in Louisiana then. I didn't move to Denton until the mid-80's.

Actually, a couple of my students are BIG into AD&D 2nd ed. gaming and after this session is over I may join them for some PnP.

Cheers,

yeah this makes me want to pull out the old pen and paper set as well. I think I still have a few old Ravenloft DM guides if anyone wants to go a round against old Strahd, let me know?

Just a bump [img]tongue.gif[/img] These stories are amazingly hilarious [img]smile.gif[/img]

ok, a few ones...

. vampire, the masquerade.
a friend of mine played a malkavian (crazy vamps) who had been a demolition expert in the army. one time he was "interrogating" a fellow vampire in his apartment in a shady hotel 8th floor and the rest of us were in the lobby, when we heard police sirens. so the malkavian asks the dm how much explosive he must plant in the door so that only the cops die when they get in the place. he rolls... big fumble. 3 kilos, says the dm wickedly. whilst the rest of us head for the terrace, he plants 10 kgs of C4 in the door while he escapes to the sewers. the result, the building completely destroyed with us buried under tons of bricks.

so we were buried, still alive but badly bruised. he then cleverly thinks that he better gets us out of there before they clean the place up during the day and we all die because of the sun. what does he do? asks the dm how much explosive he must plant so that he takes out the rubble without injuring us... he rolls again... and guess what. another big fat fumble. 30kgs says the dm... he goes to his car to fetch some, and just to make himself sure he wont go short (and thinking we are vamps and can take it) he strategically (he got THAT roll) plants 120kgs (all he had left) of C4 in the rubble. the explosion took out the entire block, killing pretty much everybody in a 1000 mt radius. we managed to survive, but after that we didnt let him get near anything with a fuse any more.


. rolemaster (merp).
one day we were exploring a lichs dungeon, when we came upon a long set of stairs that stretched down into the darkness. assuming they were trapped (evil dm), we spent a few minutes discussing what to do, since our trusty thief had been severely injured in a previous encounter. so, our ugly and deformed mage comes up with a genius idea while looking at the dwarf... we then talked him into it (wasnt so difficult) and proceeded to put him a SECOND chain mail on top of his, an extra pair of boots, a blanket sorrounding his body, a shield in each arm, one more on his back, and finally a helmet (which he usually didnt wear because the head was always a secondary organ for him).

-mage- "now big tough dwarf, you will go running down these stairs, stepping in ALL steps, and youll be just fine and dandy"
-dwarf- "will i get any experience"
-dm- "eeeehrrmm... well, i guess"

so the nimble dwarf starts walking down the stairs, and of course, he trips... steps on his blanket and goes tumbling down the stairs like a ton of bricks, banging his head in all the steps. when we finally got down and saw that... thing, in the ground, unable to move, stinking, bleeding and threatening us, all we could say was... "funny, there werent any traps after all".

edit: damn memory. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 03-11-2002: Message edited by: norompanlasolas ]</p>

Well, I know that this isn't roleplaying, but we were having a naval wargame once, and the referees had designed a WWII raider hunting game, with a whole bunch of Nazi surface raiders versus us allies trying to catch them before they sank too much shipping. We had a huge gamut of ships to search with, from battleships to little corvettes and minesweepers. Now one of the players on the German side would never cheat, but he always schemed for any advantage that he could get. We would call out the hexes that we were searching, and the refs would say whenever there was a ship, unidentified, in it. I called out one, and the ref got cute and said, "You see a freighter that is being bombed by an Arado (german) floatplane." So, I said,"We fire anti-aircraft at it."
The ref says, "It flies away to the east."
I say,"We fire across the freighter's bows, hailing her to halt."
The opponent explodes, "What do you mean? It was getting bombed. Aren't you going to chase the plane?"
I replied, "Mike, you can't chase airplanes with ships. We'll go search over there when we've identified this ship."
At this moment, a strange little duck, who had been playing with my ship models, returned one of them, a "Flower" Class Corvette, very small. My opponent breaks into triumphant laughter. "Is this what you caught me with?" he cried,indicating the little ship.
The ref reaches into my ship case and pulls out the (huge) French battleship Strasbourg. and says, "No, Mike, he caught you with this." Tou should have seen the look on his face! Priceless!

These are some experiences from other members in my group. JL was the person who taught me how to play AD&D and Felix is one of the best roleplayers you will ever meet. ALL of his characters were very tough, and he played them strictly by alignment. Everybody from this "veterans" group had characters that had reached 35+levels of experience.

JL - His very first AD&D character was a straight fighter named James. James was originally Chaotic Good, but changed alignments when he recieved the Sword of Kas from a dungeon. He became an extremely powerful character.
In one dungeon, James and a paladin were leading the party through a high-level dungeon when they came to a corridor that "glowed with magical traps". The DM expected the corridor slow the characters down for a long time while they tried to Identify and Disarm all the traps. James had a different idea. He grabbed a Wand of Healing in one hand and the back of the paladins neck in the other. He then used the paladin as a human shield..shoving him down the hallway ahead of him and setting off all the traps. Whenever he felt the paladin "slump" from the damage he was taking, James would ZAP him with the wand and restore him to full hit points. They cleared the corridor in about 5 minutes.

Felix - One of his most feared characters was a NE female mage. Everybody in the group agreed that she was probably THE most evil character they had ever seen. In one particular dungeon she was in, the party encountered some type of horrendously powerful monster that was trapped in a 50' deep pit. I can't remember the specifics, but - for some reason - the party HAD to kill this monster. Since it was in the pit, the party couldn't use any spells (except for Magic Missile) without hitting a party member. So the fighters grabbed their weapons and leaped fearlessly into the pit. One of the clerics also jumped in to keep healing the fighters as needed. One of the fighters took an extreme beating and was reduced to 1-2 hit points. The cleric was busy with one of his comrades and the fighter knew he would be killed if he got hit again...so he decided to "bug out" and climb back up out of the pit.
After 2 rounds of strenuous climbing, he crawls over the lip of the pit...right at the feet of the mage.
She takes one look at him and says "Ohhh, you poor dear. You need the cleric. He's down THERE!"...she then kicks the fighter in the face, sending him head-over-heels back down into the pit.

just bumping this up. a great thread like this deserves to be read

The Fighter
Skills - OverEstimation
Proffecient in - Annoyance
Is prone to: Act without questioning his actions

What can I say, the fighter on our D&D team is one of many things... he reminds me alot of mikey... yes you know, THE mikey. The one from all those life cerial commercials "im not gonna try it! " "im not gonna try it!" "I know Mikey will try it!" "yeah he'll try everything!"

Well our fighters is like that in SO many ways it is scarry...
<font color="yellow">
DM: You're in a bar, a Barbarian walks in and asks you to buy drinks for everyone, he looks real mean, drunk, and strong, will you do as he says?

Me: I don't know him...

His brother the preist: Let's get outa' here...

Fighter: I CHOOSE TO DO A 1-4 ROLLIN' FIST FIGHT!

DM: Will you assist the fighter?

Us: UM we don't know him *go whistling out of the bar*

DM: *rolls on floor laughing* OK!

--------------------

DM: You see a tortch...

Me: Well um maybe someone should touch it..

Preist: Yeah pull on it...

Me: You can go ahead...

Preist: Oh no really you should!

Fighter: ILL DO IT!

Me; Ok you pull the tortch and we'll just stand... about ... 50 yards back here yeah... GO ON BUDDY THATS IT PULL AWAY!

DM: the fighter had fallen down a pit and landed in some... waste deep water...

Fighter: Im dead?

DM: Ok it's deep water...

Fighter: I drowned with my armor on?

DM: ITS KNECK-DEEP!

Me and Preist: Well tough luck, see ya buddy!

DM: You're not going down there with him:?

Us: And get wet and trapped?

DM: Ok but you'll have to fight your way through the Necromancers returning army which now wants revenge from their masters demise...

Priest: You know what...

Me: Lets jump down the pit!

Priest: YEAH lets DO IT!

*jumps*

---------------

Fighter: I choose to use... TWIN SKIMITARS!

Us: Will he ever get tired of those?

Fighter: no!

---------------

Fighter: My baldur's gate character could whoop yours!

DM: Prove it then...

*it takes 3 of his "best" characters to take down one of the DM's weakest*

----------------

Fighter: Hey Ranger, I should go to your place and play some X box and get to see your level 200 character and you can show off his WHOLE inventory one weapon at a time...

Me; I tried making a video tape of that and i ran out of tape by the end of the Handguns alone...

Fighter: Well we got more time than on a videotape!

Me: ugggh...

-----------------

As of yet he hasn't seen my place... >_> let's keep it that way shall we...

But seriously, one of these days Im going to Photograph every weapon and barrier and armor and accesory that i have in that game and ill make a PSO rare item index greater than that of Omega hour!

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http://starmen.net/mother2/images/game/nesspeace.png http://www.starmen.net/petition/m3cart.gif

<font color="lime">Quick Sidebar - The Mikey Life commercial HAS to be THE MOST misquoted commercial in advertising history. In the original commercial, the two brothers gave the cereal to Mikey because they thought he WOULDN'T eat it ("Yeah, he won't eat it...he hates EVERYTHING.")

Just a quibble....now onto more PnP stories...</font>

<font color="plum">I wasn't involved in this game, but the players came up with one of the best "game-winning" moves I ever heard of.

The party was traveling through Middle Earth (but it wasn't in M.E.R.P.S. - go figure) and they had to enter Shelob's lair.

They dispatched the orcs and other randomly encountered creatures and then met the Big Lady herself. They were a strong party, but much to their dismay, they discovered that she was surrounded by an <font color="white">Anti-Magic Shell</font>. This meant that NO spells worked on her and the fighters couldn't utilize any magical effects from their weapons (a +12 Hackmaster just becomes an ordinary metal sword). The party knew they would never be able to beat Shelob with just regular weapons, but they were unable to <font color="white">Dispel</font> the <font color="white">Shell</font>.

Then, one of the mages had an idea and began casting.
"What are you doing?" asked the DM.
"I'm casting <font color="white">Rock to Mud</font>" said the player.
"Ok, where are you directing the spell?"
"To the roof of the cavern, directly over Shelob!"

The spell "melts" the ceiling, which flows down on top of Shelob - then it hits the <font color="white">Anti-Magic Shell</font> and turns back to SOLID ROCK!!! Shelob was CRUSHED!!

That was pretty efficient. I love it when it turns out that way. One time a party I was roleplaying with shot a dragon with a crossbow quarrel, which normally would do anything, except on a role of 100. sure enough the double zeros showed up. Lucky for us, we were all wounded and a pretty low level party. Anyways the quarrel ended up hitting the dragon in the eye, which was good since it only had one eye left, the other was replaced with a gem of great power when the dragon lost it in a battle with some sort of evil lich or something(i dont remember the whole story, but it was common knowledge and legend in some town my group was travelling through, so of course we had to have it) A blind dragon is still quite a foe to face, but we managed to overcome it, and get the jewel.

Bumping for Charean, RudeDawg, and others who may have missed it...

-Sazerac

(P.S. DANG I'm good! ;) I couldn't get the "Search" function to work, so I opened up the list to show all topics from the past 100 days and took a stab somewhere in the middle...and HIT the very page that this thread was on! :D :D I'm going to be insufferably pleased with myself for the rest of the day. )

"S"

[ 05-13-2002, 02:38 PM: Message edited by: Sazerac ]

<font color = "lightblue"><H1>A long time ago in a galaxy far far away</H1></font>

Me, a rodian called vanoran and two others in my command crew were sitting in the Mos Eisley cantina bar (Of A New Hope fame). Also with us were 6 junior crew members. (The command crew were veterans of previous campaigns, while the juniors were newbies).

The Ultimate DM of evil asks us all to make perception checks. One of the juniors passes and comes out with "Isnt that that donovan bloke over there". Now, the veteran instantly recognised the name Donovan and, after the coughing fits and displays of shock (and double checking it was actualy him), we began checking our weapons and making sure we could get the hell out of the bar in a hurry. The command crew huddles together and we come to the conlcusion that theres no way that the DM is going to spring another legion of clone troopers etcetera on us so soon, but that it woudnt hurt to get the hell out of the outer rim ASAP. We continue on mission, taking rather more care than normal.

Donovan appears in several locations, and begins to beckon us over one at a time. Now even im beginning to get worried now, and I had a "borrowed" ISD at my command(There was an SSD docked at the station we got it, but Vader can be a pain to get rid of). Finaly I get called over, and after maiking sure that my exec has the targeting designator for the ship (Cool device that. Shoot something with it and 2 second later the ship hits it with starship-class weapons, and were talking a top-of-the-line imperial destroyer with experimental enhancements here), I go over.

It was a device to get the veterans to freak out the juniors. No secret plot, no imperial battlefleet, no nothing. Not that we told the juniors, we had them double checking dark alleys for weeks.

Oh these are great stories,in fact I have one story.It's a good one [img]smile.gif[/img]

1)Me and my cousin were playing the d&d game with my uncle.He was a kensia and i was a fighter/theif.We had just found a young girl dead with an arrow in the neck.We walked further up the path we were on and I got hit with an arrow in the arm.We went further up the trail and came across a large stump.We further exaimed it and found a small hole for us to crawl through.It was pitch black here and seeing as i was our elf I had to lead the way.So further down the trail I see little red eyes and eye tell my fellow player.He asks where they were and I shout out "OVER THERE AND OVER THERE AND OVER THERE!" and the eyes disapeared.We went further down the hole and I knee myself in KOBOLD CRAP!It stank so bad that my cousin pukes on my boots!Later after that we get attacked by some kobolds and get captured and put in this jai cell inn this very large cavern.After a long talk with a kobold king the kobold home gets attcked by gnomes and we are released.All of our stuff was taken away and my cousin sees a small pool and jumps in and it turns out to be a pool of ACID!It does'nt kill 'em but it burns off all of his clothes and hair.After about 10 min of laughing my butt off we continue.So we venture further down the cavern and find a door.It's locked.I try to lock pick it and I fail and i try about 30 more times and still fail.So i'm all like agh screw it!Then my cousin trys to bust the door down and he roles a 100!(my uncle don't use the dice he uses some thingmon his computer to role.)So the door flys off the hinges and we hear a loud crash.We look behind the door and see a pefect set of full plate armor!(we later find out that it is +5 full plate armor)The armor had this huge dent in it! So basicly my uncle likes to torment me and my cousin.

2)my cousin goes around "training" by hitting trees with his hammer and awaks a tree monster.(what do ya exspect he got a intelligence of 6.....well i got one of 4 :sad: )