Ok Im always ranting and raving about serious stuff so here is a question on a well...a different subject for me.

I am dating on and off a lady who is 49, she seems to really like spending time with me, but she keeps pulling back when things get too intense apparently because she is worried about the age difference (im 40) She seems to have the idea that I'll fall for some young chickadee and leave her. So what is the concensus here?? How big an age difference is too big an age difference...and yes Im sure Ill hear a lot about "it depends on the people". I kind of agree with that but there does come a point where there may be too big a difference in backgrounds where the older may not be able to respect the younger ones views as an equal due to a lack of experience. So lets hear what ya'll have to say!


Edit: I should say that I did date someone 17 years younger than myself once, it didnt workout though becuase of different priorities in life.

[ 02-03-2002: Message edited by: MagiK ]</p>

Magik.. I'm 41 and Nacht is 29 and a half. :D I'd say it is a matter of personalities, chemistry, emotions but NOT age. [img]smile.gif[/img]


About her fear you would leave her for a younger woman. I can understand it but if you are as serious and committed as she is, I'd say make her understand that fidelity is a big issue and you believe in it. It is one rock steady part of my own relationship.

Cloudy

[ 02-03-2002: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]

[ 02-03-2002: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Cloudbringer:
Magik.. I'm 41 and Nacht is 29 and a half. :D I'd say it is a matter of personalities, chemistry, emotions but NOT age. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Cloudy<hr></blockquote>

You cradle robber you ;) heheh J/K hope it all works out well for you [img]smile.gif[/img]

Yeah, MagiK, I'd have to agree...the diff between 49 and 40 isn't too much of an "age difference." I was thinking you were going to say she was like 19 or something. ;)

BTW, I have two very good female friends (one 42, the other 40) who have both married men far younger than themselves (one 25, the other 19). Both couples have been happily married now for some time...well, the second couple for over a year, the first couple since 1992. Even Benjamin Disraeli, Prime Minister under Queen Victoria, married a woman many years his senior. So don't worry...lots of good precedents there.

-Sazerac

To be completely frank with you Ive been dating a girl far older than me (33 to my 21) for quit some time (over a year) and I dont see any problem with it. I care about her the more than Ive cared about any women/girls Ive dated in the past. I mean if you two vibe together then age shouldn't even come into factor when you are considering any sort of relationship, friendship or something more. I know how you feel though my g/f is the same way. Its hard for her to deal with the social ramifications of her dating someone younger than her, and she is withdrawn over that at time, but if she cares about you enough she'll get over it. Just thought I'de throw my couple pennies down.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Sazerac:
Yeah, MagiK, I'd have to agree...the diff between 49 and 40 isn't too much of an "age difference." I was thinking you were going to say she was like 19 or something. ;)

BTW, I have two very good female friends (one 42, the other 40) who have both married men far younger than themselves (one 25, the other 19). Both couples have been happily married now for some time...well, the second couple for over a year, the first couple since 1992. Even Benjamin Disraeli, Prime Minister under Queen Victoria, married a woman many years his senior. So don't worry...lots of good precedents there.

-Sazerac<hr></blockquote>

Tried going the other way age wise once Saz [img]smile.gif[/img] I was 36 and she was 20-21 it was...fun for a while but she really needed someone her own age. I was actually proud of myself for manageing to get her to understand without messing it up too badly.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MagiK:


You cradle robber you ;) heheh J/K hope it all works out well for you [img]smile.gif[/img] <hr></blockquote>

ROTFL! Well, trust me, I don't think much about his age. [img]smile.gif[/img] And.. psssssst... he says "older women are sexy" ;) so tell your girlfriend that.. I can say from experience,she'll be flattered. :D


Cloudy

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Cloudbringer:


ROTFL! Well, trust me, I don't think much about his age. [img]smile.gif[/img] And.. psssssst... he says "older women are sexy" ;) so tell your girlfriend that.. I can say from experience,she'll be flattered. :D


Cloudy<hr></blockquote>


Actually she gets nervous anytime I compliment her, Im thinking she has been through an abusive relationship or two, she is a really beautiful lady with a great figure but seems to think she isnt good enough for me...silly lady [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Heh, I might actually end up in such a situation... if I even get attached in the long distant future :D Anyway, my 2 cents' worth...

I think generally, if both the guy and girl are nearing middle age, they'll have a better idea then of what they're looking for in a companion. There might be some insecurity about potential younger "competitors", but ultimately it is the character that matters.

I gues what I'm trying to say is that for older couples with a supposedly wide age gap, it's the emotional bonding that will win in the end. Hopefully ;)

[ 02-03-2002: Message edited by: mistral4543 ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MagiK:



Actually she gets nervous anytime I compliment her, Im thinking she has been through an abusive relationship or two, she is a really beautiful lady with a great figure but seems to think she isnt good enough for me...silly lady [img]tongue.gif[/img] <hr></blockquote>

Magik.. been there.. and I do understand. You know, not everyone reacts the same way though. If you are serious about her.. I'd suggest you sit down and swap some minimal details about your past relationships and expectations of new one. I know it made a world of difference for me. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Cloudy

It aint no thang. 9 years is a big deal when you are 19 and 10, but 49 and 40 isn't such a big thing.

Thought that i'd jump in from the other end. I'm 33 and my husband, well, he has forbidden me to mention his age here, but lets just say that he is older than I. I like it a lot. He treats me like a queen, and isn't jealous at all. "Better an old man's darling than a young man's slave," my grandmother says. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[ 02-03-2002: Message edited by: Galadria ]</p>

Usually the guys are older than the women here... in x years or so, as long as the guy is older, women here are up to that... maybe now in my college life I will have someone as old as me or older by months, but that's just it [img]smile.gif[/img] but i wouldn't really care.. the ol, "Iit's all about the love" thing :D

Well, I had a relationship with a man 20 years my senior--and while the age typically didn't bother me much, it bothered him quite a bit. And when it ended, it had nothing to do with age, it had to do with differing expectations, veiled truths and outright lies.

The difference between 40 and 49 may not seem much, but to a woman it *can* be. She may be sexy as all get-out and have a humdinger of a personality, but (and this is much of today's society's fault!!) the mirror reflects a less-than-perfect image. It all plays into this damnable societal thing we Americans (and I assume the rest of the world to varying degrees) have about staying 'young'. Especially if there has been abuse in her past, she *perceives* someone less than perky, smooth skinned, whatever and in her mind equates this as someone who's not eligible or worthy of being attractive to another, esp. if it happens to be a handsome *younger* man who obviously could take his pick from the young 'hotties' with their perky titties and artificially enhanced everythings including skin color.

I'm not saying this is what she thinks, just a possibility. If you like her, like her a lot, then maybe you can get her through this so she can enjoy your presence in her life fully as you seem to enjoy hers in yours.

But then what do I know.........I'm only a woman ;)

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Garnet FalconDance:
Well, I had a relationship with a man 20 years my senior--and while the age typically didn't bother me much, it bothered him quite a bit. And when it ended, it had nothing to do with age, it had to do with differing expectations, veiled truths and outright lies.

The difference between 40 and 49 may not seem much, but to a woman it *can* be. She may be sexy as all get-out and have a humdinger of a personality, but (and this is much of today's society's fault!!) the mirror reflects a less-than-perfect image. It all plays into this damnable societal thing we Americans (and I assume the rest of the world to varying degrees) have about staying 'young'. Especially if there has been abuse in her past, she *perceives* someone less than perky, smooth skinned, whatever and in her mind equates this as someone who's not eligible or worthy of being attractive to another, esp. if it happens to be a handsome *younger* man who obviously could take his pick from the young 'hotties' with their perky titties and artificially enhanced everythings including skin color.

I'm not saying this is what she thinks, just a possibility. If you like her, like her a lot, then maybe you can get her through this so she can enjoy your presence in her life fully as you seem to enjoy hers in yours.

But then what do I know.........I'm only a woman ;) <hr></blockquote>

Umm what you describe there sort of sounds like someone whith a less than normal level of mental toughness...I realize we all see the tv ads showing the ripped abs and muscular guys and the thin and lean women but really, if you let that determine your own self worth.....I dont know..I would feel sorry for someone like that but then I wouldnt be able to respect them too much as an equal. We each have to deal with lifes realities advertising and marketing be damned.

That may sound like Im not sympathetic, but...it is hard for me to understand anyone who has someone paying attention to them not "feeling worthy" or feeling inadaquate due to "image" guess Im just not going to understand.

<font color="cyan">Well, I am 17, and my the beautiful Stacey (who some of you have heard me rant on about before) is 15. In today's society, this has raised a lot of isssues between my friends, and they usually debate whether it is ok or not. But I've been with her for a long time now for me, 11months.

And we still love each other lots, and we have sailed the sea of insults and name calling. So it doesn't matter, we are great together.</font>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lavindathar:
<font color="cyan">Well, I am 17, and my the beautiful Stacey (who some of you have heard me rant on about before) is 15. In today's society, this has raised a lot of isssues between my friends, and they usually debate whether it is ok or not. But I've been with her for a long time now for me, 11months.

And we still love each other lots, and we have sailed the sea of insults and name calling. So it doesn't matter, we are great together.</font><hr></blockquote>

Umm where I grew up 17 and 15 was a normal teenage romance..now if you were say 27 and she 15 that would raise some eyebrows.

Hope the people where you live come to their senses because that is not a great difference there. Just don't get caught in inappropriate activities.

49-40 is hardly a big age gap and I wouldnt have thought either of you worried at all about it,

You obviously do though even if you wont admit it publicy, hence the topic was worthy of your posting and subconsciencely askign for approval.......

Personnalities is what's important. My parents have a 24 years difference and they've been happily married for close to 30 years now. If it clicks, the rest will fall in line [img]smile.gif[/img]

For what it's worth, my mother-in-law (61 years old) is living with a guy 15 years younger than her, they have been living together for five years now, and they are very happy together. She is much happier than when she lived with my husband's father, who was not a very nice guy.

Thing is, the one of them who feels defensive about it is the guy, he always seems to think we have reservations, though we do not ...

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Tarox:
49-40 is hardly a big age gap and I wouldnt have thought either of you worried at all about it,

You obviously do though even if you wont admit it publicy, hence the topic was worthy of your posting and subconsciencely askign for approval.......<hr></blockquote>

Umm you are way way off guy, I personally would not have pursued this lady if I cared how old she was (not that I could tell). The only reason it is an issue for me is the fact that she worries about it.

Personally I have dated much younger and much older ladies than myself and am no age biggot when it comes to dating.